ChristianMilitaryWives

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: (1 Peter 1:8)

This verse became a precious comfort to me when I was nineteen. I was very lonely, very single, and desperately wanting to be married. While I don’t know that my personal interpretation was exactly God’s intent when He wrote this Scripture, this verse filled me with hope. I knew that God wanted me to be married, but it seemed there were no possibilities in sight. Even though I did not know who my husband would be, I tried to focus on the fact that he was out there, somewhere, and believe in the fact that God would bring us together in His time. While I could not see him, I could begin to love him. It was this hope that gave me joy.

Now I’m a young woman married to a soldier. This verse took on a new meaning to me during this deployment. As military wives we are daily faced with the choice to love someone we cannot see, touch, and sometimes even talk to. The only thing that can sustain us during times of separation is our faith…faith that we will be together again someday soon. And it is this faith that gives us an “unspeakable joy” that allows us to smile even when our husbands are on the other side of the world.

When I turned the calendar to June, my joy-meter skyrocketed. My husband’s return is now eminent and I have begun frenzied homecoming preparations! As I look back over the last eleven months of my life, I am somewhat disappointed. I feel like I could have done so much better than I did, accomplished more, had a better attitude, the list could go on. But one thing I have no doubt about…my faith has been strengthened. I have had a lot of low moments, probably more lows than highs, but I can remember specific times when God did fill me with unspeakable joy, and that joy was directly connected to my belief and faith.

God also gives us this verse as a reminder about the ultimate homecoming awaiting us…when our Saviour will return! Let us not forget to truly love Him even when it seems like we cannot see him.

No matter where you are in your journey as a wife of faith, whether it be just beginning a deployment, in the darkness of the unending middle of the deployment, planning for homecoming, or just living the ever difficult challenges of garrison life … I pray that this verse will be a comfort to you as it has been to me. May God fill you with unspeakable joy!

Written By: Aprille, Proud CMW Member

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, in our newlywed group we had a contest called "A Thankful Wife." The purpose was to foster thankful spirit's toward the men in our lives, and to God for what He has done for us through our husbands.

We had thirty participants and the posts that they made were so encouraging I though I would share just a few highlights with all of you. I pray that they will encourage you to look at your husband in a new light and a thankful spirit.

I am thankful for my husband because he is a godly man who loves the Lord and always puts Him first in our family. He is the spiritual leader in our house.

When I was praying for a husband, I had so many things that the Lord seemed to put in my heart to desire in him, and he is every one and so much more!

He makes the flowers bloom in the garden of my heart.

Despite my flaws, he reminds me everyday how much he loves me and is always praising me and lifting me to believe in myself---even when neither one of us is having our best of days...that is very humbling...

I am thankful for my husband because he has brought me closer to Christ and taught me what unconditional love is.

God truly sent me my other half when he sent me my husband. Words will never be able to fully express how thankful I am for him and how grateful I am that he is in my life.

He is so dedicated to our family and works so hard and sacrifices so much for us. He gives our family so much, I wish that I could give back to him what he has done for us.

I am thankful for my husband because he has always been there as my friend, best friend and then husband. I am thankful to be married to a man who respects my strength but is there when I am feeling weak.

He is a great example of 2 Corinthians 3:18 "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." I see that transformation into the likeness of Jesus in his life, that journey from glory to glory. It is exciting and breath-taking and wonderful.

He is my soul mate, and my second half.

He treats me like his queen, like a dove he loves and protects. He is a God fearing man who loves the Lord with all of his heart, and wants his children to see a good example of what a man after God's own heart is.

I find a new reason to love him everyday.

I am so thankful for my husband for his quiet strength, his tenacious spirit to get through any and everything even though it may not be a pretty process.

I am thankful that I get to feel his love every day and I can love him in return.

We are true partners in life and love.

He has the kindest heart, the warmest smile, the most love anyone has ever shown me.

You know, it is one thing to marry the one you love - but it is entirely different to love the one you marry. This year we will be celebrating our first Christmas together and two days later, our first anniversary. I'm thankful for my husband because this year, together we've learned the difference.

We would like to give a big congratulations to our winner ~EM~! and here is her post:

I am thankful for my husband because he loves me and accepts me for who I am. Finding out I have Fibromyalgia has been a journey for both of us especially because I used to be physically strong and athletic, but he took the high road and just accepted it for what it is, accepted my new found limitations, and he constantly makes me feel good about myself even if I'm having a bad day and wasn't able to do as much housework as I would like. He never sets unreachable standards for me and constantly tells me how much he appreciates me and loves me. He's also the best dad to our kids and is wonderful about giving me a break when needed and letting me sleep in on Saturdays! It's the things that may seem so trivial that mean SO much to me! He is such an amazing man, and I am absolutely blessed that he is my husband and my best friend!

One of the biggest problems I’ve had in my marriage is all the little fights I have with my husband...the little fights about the little things...the little things that an hour later you wondered why they were such a big deal in the first place.

It’s unfortunate, but little fights result in big hurts. Big hurts that sometimes take hours or even days to heal.

It’s those times when I wish I could just go back...let that little thing go. Because if I had only known how awful I would feel afterwards, how much emotional intimacy and love I would lose, and how my relationship with my husband would be hurt, I never would have made such a fuss about such a little thing.

In talking with other newlyweds, I have found that I am not alone in this problem. When two people are beginning a life together, they are bringing their differences to one home...and there will be friction. I don’t believe it can really be avoided. However, I believe that God teaches that that friction doesn’t have to escalate to the point of discord.

How can we combat this? I was listening to the radio the other day and heard this song to which I related so much. “It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time; it's like a river thats so wide...it swallows you whole.”

I think that we need to weigh our little disagreements as far as their timing and importance. How important is this problem in light of the lifetime of love that we are seeking with our husbands? Ask yourself a question like “Will this really matter an hour from now, or a day from now, or a week from now.”  I think we sometimes get so consumed, so swallowed up, not by the grievance of our husband, but rather by our pride. We want to PROVE we are RIGHT and he is WRONG!! And that’s why we yell and fuss and cry over something that really doesn’t matter.

So next time you are tempted to be upset with your husband, ask yourself the following question: “Is it worth it? Is getting into an argument about this really worth the loss of emotional intimacy and love that I am desiring with my husband?” From my personal experience most of the time it really isn’t.

by Jocelyn Green, author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives

Ever since I’ve known them, I’ve been a fan of Dr. Gary and Barb Rosberg, America’s Family Coaches and authors of Guard Your Heart, 6 Secrets to a Lasting Love, Healing the Hurt in Your Marriage and more. I first met them when my husband and I attended a marriage retreat for military couples on Veteran’s Day weekend, 2006; it seems that their heart for the military marriage has only grown since then.

Now, they are offering military couples FREE membership to The Great Marriage Experience. Click here to see a brief two-minute video describing all the benefits you’ll receive. Note the button at the top right corner of that Web page-click it to send an email stating you’d like to sign up for your free membership. Be sure to mention that you are military. To see a more detailed list of what you’ll get from your membership, see this page and look at the “member” column–normally a $9 per month subscription, but free to you. I hope you’ll take advantage of these great resources!

For more spiritual support, inspiration and resources for military wives, visit www.faithdeployed.com.

by Angie Lewis 

by Angie Lewis 

There is so much written about "how to save a marriage" it can seem a bit overwhelming at times. The truth is no one can really save your marriage but you. Marriage gurus can throw out the breadcrumbs, but in the end it is all about you and your willingness to do what really needs to be done to save your marriage.

Your marriage belongs to God. And when you truly believe this that is when you can actually give yourself (marriage) to God. If you don't believe that your marriage belongs to God then you are reading the wrong article.

What happens when you hand your marriage over to God? God helps you to look beyond the petty quarrelling, faults and weaknesses of each other. Why focus on the negative? When you stop focusing on the negative aspects of your spouse you will be better able to seek a solution, not based on negative feelings, but on the principled acts of love. As long as you base your marriage on "how your spouse makes you feel" nothing will ever improve.

Marriage gurus can attempt to tell you what needs to be done to improve your marriage but they can't go to God for you. They can't make your heart willing to see what needs to be done so you can make the necessary changes in yourself. If you believe that marriage belongs to God then you have to give your marriage to God. Why do you keep giving it to the world? Does your marriage belong to God or to the world? You decide.

Are you carrying around a not so humble heart toward your spouse? What is that going to do for you? Absolutely nothing. I believe that once you can take your eyes off of your spouse's faults you'll be able to see your faults much more clearly. The problem is not that your spouse cheated, or that they are controlling, or wrapped up within an addiction, or that they are cruel and treat you bad. The problem is in how you allow these things to affect you and how you react because of them.

The root of the problems in marriage stem from the inability to properly resolve issues and the lack of understanding the importance of priorities. The major setback for couples is they are not using the principles for marriage that have been taught to them. Couples aren't resolving issues and when they do they go by their own understanding of what they think should be done. But it is not what should be done based on the Creator of marriage.

Be a giver. Give in. Be encouraging. Show compassion. Be submissive. Be forgiving. Ask Christ for the guidance you need. When we don't allow these principles to take precedent in our lives we are handling our marriage just like everyone elsewithout God. If you believe you are a child of God then show it in your marriage. Christian love is not a feeling but a choice. Have you made your choice?

Be respectful of Spouse. Be considerate of your spouse's feelings. Show reverence and high opinion for the person you married. Be appreciative of what you have been blessed with. I've noticed lately that people treat their animals better than their spouse. This is very wrong! Let go of anger and bitterness or it will make you sick, literally. What is controlling your heart in your marriage? If your heart only cares about getting your needs met through your spouse then your marriage is in dire trouble.

God should guide your marriage. Placing God where God belongs, at the top of your priority list is what your marriage needs! Humble your heart and mind to God and you will see more clearly to what your position is in the marriage. You are not God and your spouse is not God, and trying to control each other as if you were God will never work! That's not the way God designed marriage to be.

Putting God first means everything you say and do comes from the principles taught you for living a righteous life. Now you will have something beautiful and awesome to base your marriage on. If your marriage belongs to God then the top of your priority list is putting God first, spouse second, children third, and ministry and self last.

And he sat down, and called the twelve, and saith unto them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all. Mark 9:35

Angie and Frank's Marriage Ministry: http://www.heavenministries.com

Angie's Books: http://www.lulu.com/angielewis

How do you deal with a long-distance relationship, and more specifically, a marriage?

I can honestly say that I have dealt with a long-distance relationship (from dating and engagement, to marriage) the WRONG way in the past. But now I'm trying very hard to deal with it the RIGHT way. So I'm going to give you some tips that I hope will help. This is something that I have shared with MANY people over the last few months, both military and non-military, and they have said it is helpful. I hope it helps you!

1. KEEP A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! This is where I have made the most errors in the past. Although I never would have admitted it to myself, I had the attitude that because I was dealing with separation, I was a queen. I thought everyone needed to cater to my emotional needs. I spent most of my time at home alone in my bedroom (when I wasn't at work) waiting for my then-boyfriend and fiance to call. I was short-tempered and moody ALL of the time.


2. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE SEPARATION. This really is more practical application to apply your positive attitude (see #1). I know it may be hard to think of it this way, but you being separated from your love does give you a measure of "freedom" that you would not have were he there. (Although within reason...DON'T take advantage of the situation to do things that he would not approve of in any way!) For example, you can spend more time with your girlfriends, watch girly movies, spend time with your family, etc. The list really is endless and will depend on you personally. But I often find myself thinking, "Ya know, if my hubby were here, I wouldn't be able to do this!" I used to feel guilty for thinking stuff like that, but I realized that it was okay (even silly things like eating at restaurants he doesn't like)! Look for the good in the situation!! You'll be surprised at how much you can find.

3. USE ANY AND EVERY METHOD OF COMMUNICATION AVAILABLE TO YOU TO "STAY IN TOUCH." Really, nowadays we have no grounds to complain about long-distance relationships compared to even 10 or 15 years ago, because we have so much technology at our hands. Some of these may be obvious but I'll try to give you some ideas!


You will find out what works for you and your man. I've used a combination of everything!!! (Oh and I forgot to add care packages...those are always fun)!

4. STAY BUSY AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP YOURSELF HAPPY AND GET THROUGH IT! Honestly, being apart from someone is incredibly hard. But you will make it harder on yourself if you mope and act like you can't be happy unless he is with you.

I was so incredibly busy during our 11-month deployment that I honestly didn't have THAT much time to mope. I worked full-time, was involved in my church, had 5 piano students, and still had to take care of the house and the car, not to mention my social life (most of which is spent on the internet lol, but I had many girlfriends who I get together with to go to Starbucks or shopping or out-to-lunch). Again this is where you can take advantage of the "singleness" of sorts to do fun and girly stuff that you normally wouldn't be able to do (for example, myself and a group of girls/women went to see an outdoor play of Beauty and the Beast)! Really, the possibilities are endless.

5. ESTABLISH A SUPPORT NETWORK. Find people who are in the same boat as you that can help you through...a shoulder to cry on when you need it...someone who REALLY understands what you are going through (for me, it was my church, 30 other women in our church whose husbands were deployed, as well as a few local friends, and of course, my friends here on CMW).

One of the biggest frustrations of being in a long-distance relationship are people who say that they understand when they really don't (for example, the girl who complains because she has to go three whole days without seeing her boyfriend, and you think, "get real! I've gone 3 months!!!" ) Try to make as many friends as you can, because it helps.

6. RELY ON THE LORD. He can and will get you through this (for more on this, please read my devotional entitled "Army Strong").

Yes, some days are going to be utterly horrid!
Some days you will be angry and want to scream and throw things (i.e. "THIS ISN'T FAIR")! 
Some days you will be lonely.
Some days you will just cry all day.

All of these are normal emotions, but try to make those days the minority, not the majority. You will never stop missing him or wanting him to be with you, but you can make it through. What's most important is that you KEEP MOVING FORWARD and don't stay down in the dumps.

Over the past six months, I have personally heard women talking about the problems in their marriages. I’ve heard stories of husbands being emotionally or physically unfaithful, husbands getting drunk, husbands struggling with pornography, and husbands giving up on their Christian faith. These women who find themselves having serious marital problems have all be Christian military wives, “wives of faith.”

Perhaps you are a woman just like these. Or maybe you are a wife in a hard spot, not because of your husband, but because of yourself. Maybe you are struggling with resentment towards your husband because he is gone all the time. Maybe you feel like raising your children alone and being “abandoned” away from everything familiar isn’t the life you bargained for when you married that special man. Perhaps you are feeling “out of love,” or even being tempted with unfaithfulness yourself.

A lot could be said on the subject of the demise of Christian marriages. Prayer, selflessness, love, compassion, and good communication are all strongly lacking in most marriages. But as I thought on this subject and the difficulties I have faced in my own marriage, I have realized that probably the biggest thing lacking in marriages is FAITH.

I can almost hear you...a short scoff and the perhaps cynically-tinted question: “Faith? In what?!?” Maybe it’s even followed by a question of despair... “What’s left to believe in?”

The most obvious answer would be faith in God, but I think that most Christian women already feel like they have that checked off their list. But how does having faith in God help a woman who is struggling with her marriage?

Hebrews 11:1 says: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

I think that most women would say that they hope for a good marriage, but when they look around, all they can see is the failed marriages around them, and the problem in their own marriages.

The problem here is that we are looking at what we CAN see, instead of looking to God.
Sometimes, I think that we view marriage like an 8-year-old views Santa. It’s something wonderful that makes her feel all cozy and gives her good things. But her friends around her taunt her and test her faith. One tells her that her parents are really lying to her, while another tells her that she caught her own parents wrapping the presents. Still another tells her that believing that Santa could be responsible for all of those wonderful presents is really just stupid. The 8-year-old doesn’t want to let go of her belief...yet fears that giving up is only inevitable. I mean, it eventually happens to everyone, right?

The wonderful thing is that marriage isn’t like Santa. Marriage isn’t some man-made hoax that eventually HAS to end in failure. This is where faith in God comes in.

First, we need to have faith in the all-wise, all-powerful God who created marriage. Marriage was flawless in its design, and made for God’s pleasure. Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. (Revelation 4:11)

God created marriage, and blessed it. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it... (Genesis 1:27-28) God created marriage with a glorious purpose.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24)


God created marriage to last. I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. (Ecclesiastes 3:14) But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mark 10:6-9)

Despite modern trends and the countless failed marriages we see around us, if we truly recognized God’s design for marriage by its very creation, and the beauty in marriage, I think we would be much less hasty to give up on marriage so quickly.

Second, we need to have faith in the God who has power to make your marriage what it needs to be. Despite the circumstances you are facing, or how horrible your husband is to you, or how quickly you rushed into your marriage, the truth remains that you are married. You took a vow, and you promised. In the eyes of God, you are one flesh. It is your responsibility before God to be a good wife, to be a Godly woman, to be a “wife of faith” through whom God can work.

Probably the best marriage advice I ever heard was given to me in the form of two questions. The first question was this: “Do you believe that God has the power to fix your marriage?”

It’s a question only you can answer. It’s a question that goes to the heart of the issue...your faith. Your faith in the God who created marriage...your faith in His ability to change the heart of individuals.

The second question is, “Will you let him?”

This is where your faith takes action. I think that what happens is that so many woman quickly say “oh yes! God can fix my marriage. Please God fix my marriage!” and yet still live their lives contrary to His design. For God to work, He needs you to follow His design for marriage, to fulfill your God-given roles as a wife of faith. How can God work if you are being disrespectful and disobedient to your husband? How can he work if you are still trying to control everything instead of letting your husband lead? Maybe it’s as simple as getting out of the way. Stop trying to fix your husband, your marriage. Stop nagging and fighting, and start praying. Take your hands off of your life, and place your marriage in God’s hands...it’s probably safer there. Worry about following God, doing what He says about marriage, and let Him take care of the rest.

Have faith. Faith in God who created marriage, and faith that He has the power to make your marriage successful. Be a good and Godly wife. Do right. Be a wife of faith.
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (Philippians 1:6)

When your husband is deployed and you are alone at night, where do your thoughts roam? Who do you dream of? For more and more people—Christians included—the answer is someone other than their spouse. And though many extra-marital relationships do not include physical intimacy, experts agree that the emotional betrayal is at least as devastating to a marriage, if not more so.

“Emotional affair” describes a relationship with someone other than one’s spouse which involves considerable emotional intimacy. It starts out as an emotional connection--perhaps appreciation or admiration for the man who comes to fix your leaky faucet when hubby is away--and can easily grow into a deep attachment.

These affairs are spawned in the workplace, through the Internet and increasingly, at church. “It’s one of the most prevalent forms of affairs in the Church today,” says Richard Blankenship, director of the North Atlanta Center for Christian Counseling and the American Association of Certified Christian Sexual Addiction Specialists. “We’ve seen dozens and dozens of these emotional affairs. They start in the church coffee hour. Christians tend to think they are not very vulnerable—and that’s when they are vulnerable the most. It’s not a far leap from baring your soul to baring yourself physically.”

Warning signs of an emotional affair include:

• Obsessing over another person who is not your spouse
• Going out of your way to attract his/her attention
• Concealing the amount of time you spend with him/her
• Turning to him/her to meet your emotional needs
• Neglecting your own family to spend time with him/her

It may be especially tempting for a military wife to seek solace in an understanding, attentive male who lends a helping hand when she needs it the most. Many people rationalize emotional intimacy outside of marriage with the idea that if a relationship isn’t physical, it isn’t harmful. Shannon Ethridge, author of the Every Woman’s Battle books on sexual integrity, disagrees.

“The idea that it’s totally innocent is deceiving,” she says. “Wherever a woman’s heart goes, her body will long to follow. Eventually she is going to want to be physical with him; that’s how we humans are made. The more attached she becomes emotionally, the more overwhelming the urge to express that attachment sexually.”

Even if a relationship never progresses to a physical level, however, the damage to a marriage is still real. “The Bible tells us, ‘above all else, guard your heart,’ even above your body,” says Ethridge. “I can’t help but believe this refers to emotional affairs. Our hearts are so entangled it can be more destructive than a physical affair. One woman told me her husband had sex outside of their marriage, but at least there was no emotion. If he had fallen in love, it would have been more painful still.”

Marnie Ferree, licensed marriage and family therapist, directs Bethesda Workshops, a clinical faith-based treatment program for sexual addiction based in Nashville, Tennessee. Even the strictly emotional affairs are very devastating, she says. “That kind of emotional and spiritual betrayal is ultimately more painful than physical betrayal, because it’s a heart connection.” Feree is the author of No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Shame.

Ferree says that the intense, dependent connection one develops in an emotional affair divides the heart, directly impacting one’s marriage. “It’s easy to set up a comparison between the mate and ‘the other man.’ The reality is that mates always come up short in comparison because of the dailyness of married life and whatever painful moments are in the married couple’s history together. Not only does this sort of comparing divide the heart, but it increases the very loneliness within a marriage that the affair was meant to relieve.”

“No man you’ve lived with for some time can measure up to the sweaty palm, butterfly feeling,” says Ethridge. “That new feeling isn’t intimacy, it’s intensity. Only when that wears off does intimacy develop.”

Emotional affairs happen for a variety of reasons. Blankenship contends that Christians may use emotional affairs as a way to toe the line of a physical affair, which is clearly forbidden. “If they just have a need to rebel, they may flirt with the sin of a sexual affair and rationalize it because it’s not crossing the flesh line,” he says. Others will do it if they feel their spouse is not meeting his or her needs.

Ethridge believes most women get involved in an emotional affair because they are attracted to the feeling it gives them. “Women can fall into emotional affairs with a wide variety of people,” she says. “Being attractive to and desired by another man feels empowering. So much of this is based on ego, vanity, insecurity. We don’t believe we are beautiful, we don’t believe who we are in Christ, so we start looking for love in all the wrong places.”

Ethridge is quick to point out that women are not justified in blaming an emotional affair on a husband’s failure to meet all emotional needs. “Women have to take responsibility for their own actions,” she adds.

The solution to ending emotional affairs is not to prohibit all friendships between non-married men and women, says Ferree. “That’s the easy way out. The harder road is to really work on your marriage relationship and honesty and vulnerability. While healthy boundaries are in order, cutting off all contact with the person you’ve had the affair with doesn’t work on the issues within your marriage.” If one doesn’t address the root problems in the marriage, says Ferree, another emotional affair is bound to happen with someone else eventually.

Now let's hear from you. As a military wife with a deployed husband, working on your marriage has some pretty big challenges. So what do you do to guard your heart from forming an attachment to another man in your life? Do you rotate which men you allow to come help with manual labor at your house? Do you make sure any Mr. Fix-It who comes to your rescue also brings his wife so the two of you can chat while he's there? And how do you foster emotional connection with your husband during deployment? How do you re-connect in that tricky post-deployment transitional time?