ChristianMilitaryWives

Most nights, Alfred Green still cries. He keeps a single lantern lit to provide a dim glow and finds a certain comfort in the creaking patterns that persist from the old wooden rocking chair; sounds which he once despised just yesterday, it would seem.

With a frail hand he, once again, grasps tightly the neatly folded quilt draped over the arm of the chair, careful to avoid the needle woven once through the unfinished blanket. Conflicting feelings of both warmth and guilt seem to resonate from this one reminder of his dear Anna. This particular quilt was meant for little Sarah, but due to the unexpected death of this dear quilt maker, Sarah's quilt remains unfinished.

To a certain group of heavy hearted children, Anna Green was affectionately known as the "quilt lady", a title she certainly owned with joy. It was a delightful endeavor and not a burden at all, to sew a quilt for every new child at the Hansen Orphanage. Alfred, too, has fond memories of children, though broken inside, beaming with great happiness at the satisfied anticipation built by the other children telling of the great day when the quilt lady would arrive.

"Every quilt is unique, just like you" she would tell each child. There were so many different patterns in each quilt. "There is no other exactly like it in the world", she would continue, "except for this one square", pointing to a single green square, always stitched into the corner of each quilt. "Do you know what it says?" she would ask, about the embroidered words on the green square.

"God loves me", they would respond. Anna loved to hear the children say those words. For her, it was more important that the child remember those words than her kindness.

"That's right, and He will never leave you. Be comforted, child. Be warm. God loves you."

But for 8 year old Sarah, her anticipation was met with sadness, as she learned that the quilt lady had become very ill and passed on. For her, there would be no knock on the door, no children gathering at the feet of the quilt lady as she shared of God's love, no bright smiles as she read the embroidered green square. For this little girl, there would be no quilt.

For many days, Sarah could be found staring out the window, occasionally wiping her damp cheeks as she hoped that her quilt, with the special green square, would somehow arrive.

Alfred had watched Anna stitch squares into quilts so many times, he often considered an attempt to finish Sarah's quilt. But the sadness of her passing and the comfort of the unfinished quilt, especially on the eve of the 10 years since her death, kept him from so much as unfolding it. He missed her kindness; he missed her love of God, though he always felt that God must not love a man whom he takes from. Tonight, with moist eyes and a sad heart, he will sleep in Anna's chair.

As the morning light dissolved shadows cast across the old floor timbers, Alfred was awakened by a knock on the door. Using his cane, he slowly made his way to the door. "Who is it?" he said, in an uninviting tone.

"Mr. Green?" a woman's voice inquired.

"Yes. Who is it I said?", he responded with greater irritation.

"Mr. Green, my name is Sarah". The ensuing silence seemed endless. Alfred slowly unlatched the door and pulled it open. "Mr. Green, you may not remember me, but I was 8 years old when I was brought to the orphanage. The quilt lady, sorry, Mrs. Green made lovely quilts for all of the children", she continued, "I was very sad when she passed, and was not fortunate to receive one".

Having softened his tone, Alfred replied, "Yes child, I'm very sorry. She was...,"

"Oh no, Mr. Green, it's fine!" Sarah eagerly interjected, "I just - I brought a gift for you. You see, while I was sad, the other children each unstitched their green squares and sewed them together to make a quilt for me". A tear fell from Alfred's eyes. "I wanted to give it to you, now" she said softly. "Do you recall what the green squares say?" she inquired.

"Yes," he answered with a quivering voice and tears filling his eyes, "God loves me."

Sarah handed the folded green quilt to Alfred; "Be comforted sir. Be warm. God loves you."
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This story was written by Bill Johnson.  When I read it, I loved it so much I wanted to share it with you.  I wrote Bill and let him know I would be sharing it with you all.  His website is pretty neat and filled with Christian stories.  I have not had time to read all of Bills stories, but the stories I have read, I like.  Here's a link to Bills site: http://www.billjonline.com

Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary. It's been a rough year, sort of. My husband Cam has been deployed the majority of year, leaving me to deal with our two babies (now 24 months old and 10 months old). The babies and I have moved 4 times this year, bought a house, and lived in a barn for a month, not in that order.

But despite all that, it's actually been pretty good. My husband and I have maintained an acceptable level of communication, and we have both matured quite a bit throughout the year. I know we'll have to deal with a period of re-acclimation, but that's something to look forward to rather than fear.

5 years ago, when we got married, I didn't understand how "love" could be any better than it was right then. It just felt so good that first year or two, starting our lives together, getting chubby together. We fought ALL the time, but we were in love, so it didn't matter, we always got over it. I guess that's what the honeymoon period is for, to give us hope while we battle. It's like iron sharpening iron...we were rough and unpolished and, in order to smooth out, we clashed. I don't remember feeling miserable in this time, but looking back, I probably should've been.

The last year before Cam was deployed, things smoothed out for us. We were on our own, 800 miles from our nearest family, for the first time in our lives, and we learned to deal properly with one another. One day I remember panicking when I realized we hadn't really fought in over a month. For some reason, I assumed that maybe this was because I didn't care for him emotionally anymore. Funny huh? But in my mind, love was tumultuous, and if violent emotions, good and bad, were not foremost in my thoughts, I must not be in love. Fortunately, this was a short lived panic attack.

You see, Cam and I agreed before we got married that this was it for us. Good, bad, and ugly, we were going to work through it all. Divorce was not an option, and it would not enter our marital vocabulary, and it didn't. So when my emotions had finally evened out, instead of considering leaving him like some people do, I could for the first time be deliberate about the growth of my marriage. By that time, he was leaving for Afghanistan, so I haven't actually had much opportunity to put this new-found maturity to good use, but I'm excited about the prospect!

I feel like this is the next step in our marriage. Maybe the first real step, after actually getting married. Before, we were were just breaking off all our rough edges, now we can begin to sharpen one another.

It got me thinking about my relationship with God, too. The Bible refers to our walk with God and the gospel as a "mystery." I never really understood this before, but now I'm starting to get a glimpse of what it means. We have to go deeper, just like we have to go deeper in our marriages. The initial "honeymoon period" seems so great when you are in it, but as anyone who has been married more than a few years can tell you, if that was all there was to it, we'd be miserable and bored. The real excitement, the true love, comes from growth and maturity, a mutual respect.

Cam and I are finally to the point where we can grow and mature together, instead of just existing. I feel this is the point I'm reaching with God, too, that I can finally mature in Him and learn His mysteries, instead of just coasting. This is the point in which we "come away" with Him. This is where life, where our relationship, truly begins. This is where my life, as a wife and as a Christian, truly begins.

Are you excited about the future? I am.

Tonight as I finished watching Pride and Prejudice something deep within my heart was awakened -- a full consuming hunger to be romanticized. My heart is overwhelmed, not by a sadness as most women as well as myself in the past would see it when thinking of romance and the lack thereof. But with a full burning desire of love -- no, passion. I believe we too often search for this romance or love within a man, when in fact this is short lived. This is not to the discredit of our men and the wonderful strides they make to please us. This is not what I am talking about at all. I believe if they tried with all their might, there would still be this longing for more. I'm not saying they should stop, because I do love the effort of my husband very much.

This longing is more than a worldly passion; it is a hunger I believe that was placed within our feminine hearts to draw us ever closer to our Lord -- the lover of our soul. I believe He created this spot just for Himself and He address this area in Scripture, Isaiah 43. If you looked in my Bible, you would see that I’ve drawn hearts all around several of the Scripture verses in Isaiah 43, much like a school girl infatuated with her first love. These verses reach deep into a hidden place that I so often try to keep buried, in an effort to protect my heart from hurt, which in fact still hurts. God draws me to Himself within these Scriptures as if He is holding me close to Himself, whispering sweet nothings in my ear… “Because you are precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you” (Isaiah 43:4). Wow! I love this; it is exciting to know that my God loved me (and you) enough that He spoke these words of endearment.

I encourage you to go and read Isaiah 43; let the Lord romance your heart once more. Open you heart to love again whether you are disappointed, hurt, weary, lonely, anxious, or just scared. There is a God who longs to love you in a way no man could ever fulfill. He waits for you, His love, so open your heart to be loved again.

Completely and Utterly His,

Carmen

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I am not good enough.  I have too many flaws.  There is no way anyone could ever really love me.  I know my husband does, flaws and all.  We've been through too much together and come out on top of the world.  But my husband is also a flawed human.  Of course, I love him flaws and all too.  How could anyone bigger than humanity and completely flawless love me though?  It's astounding to me, but God does.  He loves me (and you) completely and totally unconditionally!  There is NOTHING I could EVER do to make him not love me.  Amazing isnt it?  God made us in His image.  He made us to be His children.  He knew we would never be perfect.  He sent his son to die for us because He knew we would need it.  God knew when he created that his son would have to die to cover our imperfections.  You know what the kicker is...all we have to do is believe in Him and accept his son as our savior.  That's ALL!  Can you truly wrap your head around that?  I can't.  Makes me feel even more unworthy.  But when  we are in those bad places, living in our bad habits, all we have to do is ask our LORD for his help.  Just go before him and ask for forgiveness, ask him to mold us to be the people we were meant to be, to guide us in a way that glorifies him.  That IS our calling after all, to do all things in a way to glorify him.  So the next time you are feeling not good enough, hopelss, rited, unworthy...GO TO HIM.  Let Him chip away the bad, heal your wounds, and make you the person He wants you to be.  Just don't be opposed to the guidance you may receive in return.  He has a plan for you!  Go on, go to Him, He's waiting. 

For the past several days, I have been in tears several times and until this morning, I wasn't sure why. I kept feeling a heaviness on my heart and an utter despair. Lately I have felt unsure of whether I am making any difference in others' lives and whether or not my motives are even true.

You see, I have a problem with pride. And I am okay (sort-of) with admitting this. :) Though my heart is sincere, I believe, in wanting to serve Christ and to be a "good Christian," there are times that I believe I can do it on my own. And when I fail, I am frustrated beyond belief and end up wondering what sin in my life is keeping me from following the "rules" this time.

Have you ever felt that way? Wondering why, even after spending gobs of time reading the Bible, praying countless hours in the day and all through the night, having 5 quiet times, worshipping hours upon hours, fellowshiping with believers, serving God through some type of ministry, etc... you feel empty still, or that you can not do enough?

I decided to ask God to examine my heart. Let me just warn you - He is faithful to do what we ask of Him. :)

I said, "God, I feel like giving up. Has nothing really changed in my life after experiencing your salvation 7 years ago? Am I still the fake, unloving person with junk in my life that I've always been? I am a seminary student; I shouldn't still be doing things wrong. Lord, I need you to do something better with me."

This morning, I cried out to Him some more, and He answered. God said to me: "Sara, have you forgotten why I came to save you? Self-sufficiency always leads to self-righteousness, but My sufficiency leads to true righteousness. Let me live MY life THROUGH you. My Grace is enough."

Wow...what an epiphany.

So many of our efforts in being a Christian end up leading to complete disappointment when we feel that we don't "succeed." We pray our hearts out for the Lord to work in our lives, yet when things are still going wrong in some way, we think that we didn't pray enough, aren't good enough, or often, we even question our salvation. We wonder what we've done wrong, and we ask God why? We say we are sorry for whatever it is we've done wrong, then we rededicate our life to Him and promise to "do better." Its a continuous cycle of motivation --> condemnation --> rededication.

Somewhere along the way we (I) have forgotten that we are saved by Grace, and that this Grace cannot be earned no matter how hard we try because it is the gift of God! We ask Jesus to come into our hearts and lives by accepting this gift of Grace, then the rest of the time we live under the law, trying to keep a lot of rules so we can be good Christians.

The fact of the matter is, we are never going to be "good Christians" in our own eyes. We can never do enough good works, do enough praying, do enough reading our Bibles, to earn the love of Christ and His acceptance. And we can never be "successful" if we try to do it on our own.

For me, this is where my issue with pride comes in, thinking that because I am a Christian, I can keep all the rules on my own. Then I expect others around me to keep the rules, and I end up living under the Law instead of under Grace and witnessing to others NOT the Grace of God but the Law of God.

Today, I have surrendered my heart to what God wants to do through me, even if I look weak and insufficient in my own strength. I have decided to let the power of Jesus' righteousness run through my veins, instead of me trying to do it on my own. Today, and every day from here on out, I have chosen to walk in Grace, believing that Jesus Christ loves me, accepts me, and can use me despite my shortcomings and flaws.

Are you walking in Grace?

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

On September 15, 2009 The Lost and Found Family movie will be released on DVD. The movie is a tender tale of life in a foster home. Five cautious kids find that they are beautiful, valuable, and even one a hero. A stranger discovers that God can bring her from tragedy to triumph.

The touching story and the remarkable story behind the movie make this a must see. The story starts with a wealthy woman, Ester, losing her husband only to find that he made some bad investments and lost all their money. The only possession left was a house he bought in Ester’s name years before. One catch, a family occupied the house and she would have to live in the house with them until it sold. The family was two foster parents and five kids. Two of the kids were teens that were dealing with issues of their own. Ester was struggling with loneliness and couldn’t understand that her pain was not top priority to any one else. She describes her situation as being just as much of an orphan as the kids. She also discovers that she needs God to bring her through. They all find that caring for someone else and helping them through their problems will bring them closer together.

The Lost and Found Family is an inspirational movie that shares a small sample of what foster families go through on a daily basis. If you know a foster family, tell them thank you for everything they do. The parents and kids deserve that at least. On September 15, 2009 pick up the DVD anywhere Christian movies are sold. Until then you can check out THE LOST AND FOUND FAMILY movie website.

The story behind the movie is one of compassion and unselfishness that foster families realize everyday. This movie sheds light on the passion behind the foster parents. How they give not only their homes, but their love to the kids placed in their care. Foster parents somehow see the beauty behind the hurt, tragedy, & the walls. The National Foster Care Coalition (NFCC) reported in 2006 that in the United States there were 510,000 children in foster care programs. They also reported that 32% of those children were under the age of 5 years old. Think about that, these young children taken from all that is familiar - their family, their home, their friends, and put with a family that they don’t know. That must be tough on the kids, but the foster parents must love them through that hurt. The movie gives us a glimpse of how painful that can be

"Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman."-Proverbs 21:9

We KNOW we shouldn't nag our husbands, but somehow it seems like we still do, doesn't it?  It's different knowing we shouldn't and knowing how to stop.  We feel like there is so much we need that they aren't supplying, and the only way to get what we need is to let them know, no matter how many times we have to beat it into their thick skulls (j/k lol..)!

We crave a completely trustworthy, always looking-out-for-us, always in-love-with-us, always thinking-about-us sort of love.  The reality is, though, that is unrealistic to expect our husbands to be this for us, and it is unhealthy for all concerned.  It places them in an uncomfortable position, trying to be something they are not.  It disappoints us over and over when the person we are depending on can’t or won’t be there for us all the time, and devastates us when they give up trying.

In reality, most of the burden we put on our husbands is really God’s to take on. 

Our husbands should love us, and yes, they should be trustworthy, but our FIRST love is Jesus, our BEST love is Jesus.  Our husband is our partner in our walk towards Jesus!  Our happiness is NOT dependent on our husbands, it is dependent on the God of Hope. 

If we are trusting in our husbands to maintain our happiness, we will be disappointed.  Even if they don’t do anything really bad they will never measure up to what we need, because what we need is omniscient, omnipotent, ever-present, and infinitely loving.

Don’t get me wrong, though.  The desire is a Godly one.  We need total love because God designed us this way, because HE desires total love, and because He wants to love us totally!

Once we realize this, and cast our need for unconditional, unwavering, constant love on the Lord, we can relax in our relationship with our husbands.  We will stop being needy and naggy.  We will enjoy them more in the flawed place they are at, and they will enjoy us more in the flawed place we are.