ChristianMilitaryWives

 

        Challenges for women come in many forms, especially when a spouse is deployed.  Sometimes they come in the form of illness – the children, you or even the pets can become ill and provide challenges for a spouse at home.  Sometimes, they come in the form of broken things – vehicles, appliances, toilets, the toy of a preschooler, the heart of a teenager or any other myriad of things can stop working as they were intended to function.  Sometimes those challenges can come in the form of little furry rodents called mice.

        When I first began to notice little holes in bags of food in my pantry, I wondered if I had picked up a damaged item at the commissary.  Then I noticed the little holes had jagged edges to them and the food inside the bags also had little jagged pieces missing.  Finally, I discovered little dark pellets around the pantry that let me know there were creatures having a party with my food every night and this time, they were not teenagers.  Mice!

        After cleaning and throwing away more food than I care to think about, I headed out to the store for some assistance.  I bought what looked to be fairly humane traps that would allow for the capture and disposal of mice without me ever having to touch or see them.  Carefully, I set the traps around, anxious to have my problems contained for easy disposal.  But the mice who had decided to party in my pantry apparently snickered behind their little whiskers at my vain attempts, and the traps remained undisturbed – unlike the food in my pantry.  I decided to replace the traps with packaged poison that was supposed to be very enticing to little rodents, but once again, my photo apparently ended up in the editorial section of “Mice Times” with the words “Who is she kidding?” under my picture.  My poison packages remained untouched, but I lost another bag of hot dog buns.  My father even gave me blocks of poison that had produced multiple dead rats around his bird feeders when he had a rodent problem, but every night the mice return to chew on the poison while none of them turn up dead, at least not in my house.  They just keep coming back for the party.

        So what is a woman to do?  I am so glad that you asked. 

        I honestly believe my mice are very symptomatic of so many other large and small challenges in my life and the lives of many women.  It really isn’t about the mice.  It rarely is about whatever challenge life may deal us at even given moment.  It is about my response.

        This is typical of my process when things in life are a struggle, though the order of events changes depending on where my heart is resting at the time.   I cry out to God, “Please deliver me!” I work very hard at finding my own answer.  I look to see God bring deliverance.  And here is the reality in my life – sometimes, deliverance from my challenge does not come. 

        So what does my response look like in those times?  What if my challenge continues, sometimes even increasing in difficulty?  Oh sweet sisters, I think so often God desires not to catch the mouse, but to calm the mouse catcher.  How often does my Father long for me not to know deliverance, but instead to know my Deliverer?  For in those days when I do not see deliverance from my challenge, I have an opportunity to know my Deliverer more deeply.  To seek His face.  To look for His strength.  To depend on His love. To be the place where I take refuge.

He is my loving God and my fortress,

My stronghold and my deliverer,

My shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.

Psalm 144:2 (NIV)

       

So what is your challenge today?  What are the mice in your pantry?  Do the heavens seem silent?  Are you weary in waiting for deliverance?  Stop.  Breathe deeply.  Know your Deliverer and take refuge in Him. 

My children and I have recently had the privilege & blessing of spending several weeks with my cousins-in-law. Throughout the last two weeks or so of our stay, our twelve-year-old cousin, Josh, and I sort of battled it out between surprise attack tickling/wrestling matches (initiated by Josh) and ice fights (presumably where he would daily put large pieces of ice down my back at the most unexpected and inopportune moments!)

So, I began planning my counter attack. I just let the wheels turn, and gave no sign of what I was thinking. Once I came up with a plan, however, I did give him a simple warning: “I’ll get you back; don’t worry. It’s coming, and it will be good, and it will be unexpected.” Daily, Josh would ask me countless times what I was up to. He would smugly remind me, “You still haven’t gotten me yet”, but as the days wore on, I could see him relax, thinking I’d forgotten all about my plan for revenge. Little did he know…

I set my alarm for VERY early on my last morning there. When it went off, I got up and began filling a large pitcher full of very cold ice water. Josh’s parents, Cam & Marilyn, and his sister, Jessie, all knew what was coming (I’d asked their permission to do this ahead of time), so they got up with me (Apparently, Josh is quite the prankster, so they wanted to see him put in his place as well, haha). We snuck quietly into Josh’s dark room, and I tiptoed over to his bed where he was sleeping so soundly, bundled up in his nice, warm, cozy blanket. Jessie had the camera rolling, and Cam was in charge of the lights, so I pulled back the covers slightly, careful not to pull them all the way off ~ we didn’t want him to wake up too soon ~ and whispered, “Turn on the light”… Suddenly, the room was lit up, bright and almost blinding, when I ripped the rest of the covers back and doused Josh in the icy water! He awoke startled and screaming, scared and shocked, unsure of what was happening. It took him a minute or two to calm down, as Marilyn sat on the dry corner of his bed quietly telling him, “Josh, it’s ok. It’s us. We’re here” as he sat there trembling with teary eyes as he began to realize what had happened.

I realized something myself this morning… This is often how Satan works in our lives. See, Satan does not know all things as God does, so he has to use other methods to get to us. He observes us and he learns what and where our weaknesses are, as well as our strengths. He studies us as intricately as necessary, in order to figure out the best way to get at us… the best way to trip us up, and when he figures that out, he keeps at it, mercilessly trying to succeed in hindering, and even stopping, our walk with God.

Sometimes, he (Satan) will lash out as Josh did. He will plan surprise attacks that can come out of the blue, sometimes knocking us down, other times, we are able to fend them off fairly easily. Sometimes, we see them coming, or even if we don’t see them or know exactly when they’re coming, we are alert because we do know they could happen at any moment, so we keep our guard up and say, “Get thee behind me Satan” (Mark 8:33).

Then, there are those times when we let our guard down. We either haven’t been attacked much lately, or we’ve had no problem fending off the attacks, so we gradually become complacent, even proud or smug, in a way, and we forget that, at any moment, an attack could come and if we aren’t ready for it, we could lose the battle.

Though Josh and I were just playing a game, it’s just like my strategic early morning attack on him. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten about him; instead, I was waiting for the right moment to “attack”. I had to wait until he was not on guard, and would not be able to do any change-ups on me, possibly deterring my plan of action.

Satan does that same thing. Sometimes, he will step back, he will sit, and wait, and watch, allowing us to “recover”, thinking that we have “finally succeeded” in fending him off for good; he lets us think that we are so good that he couldn’t possibly get one over on us. He leaves things alone, allowing us to not only enjoy, but get used to, how good (by our standards) things are. He gives us just enough time to “forget” (or at least, put on the back burner) all of those little attacks from before… And as he waits, he is planning something major; something that will hopefully (in his eyes) shake us to our core. He will choose just the right moment, when we are complacent, unexpecting, and as unprepared as possible, and he will attack, without warning, without concern, without mercy. He will do whatever he can to leave us shaken, feeling helpless and unprotected, scared and alone.

But in those times, God is there. Even when we fall under attack, God is right there beside us. He knew ahead of time what was coming, even when we did not. In fact, just as I went to Cam and Marilyn for permission before launching my surprise attack on Josh, Satan must go to God for permission before he can do anything to us (i.e. Job 1). God “will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews  13:5), and just as Marilyn sat by Josh on his icy, wet bedside, God is by our side saying, “It’s ok, I’m right here.” It’s just a matter of listening to Him. You see, when those attacks come, we have a choice to make: we can either get caught up in the moment of the battle, and find ourselves lost in the minefield Satan has set before us, OR… we can choose to keep our eyes on Jesus. We can choose to “be still, and know that [He is] God” (Psalm 46:10). When the battle is raging around us, and we are disoriented, unsure of what to do, not knowing what is coming, or even, at times, what is happening all around us, and we feel completely shaken to our core, we can focus on that “still small voice” (I Kings 19:11-13). You see, as the battles ~ the winds and the rains, the earthquakes and fires ~ rage around us in our lives, God is there. He is not in those things, but He is in us, His children, and if we listen with our hearts, we will hear his “still small voice”, reminding us that “it’s ok” because He is there, and we are His.

I believe that many times, God allows Satan to attack us in our lives in order to bring us closer to Him (God). Sometimes, we get so caught up in everything else, that we forget about His “still small voice”, just as Josh didn’t hear my whisper in his room, and we tune it out… When we stop listening to God in the small ways, He uses/allows bigger things to get our attention. It’s like the refiner’s fire: sometimes, we have to go through the fire to burn away all that extra “stuff” that builds up, gradually blocking our view of God, separating us from Him, and His hand in our lives. In order to get rid of all the junk, all the little things that we hold on to that keep us from seeing Him and hinder us from walking with Him regularly, He has to allow it to be burned away. It’s not always easy or fun or pleasant; sometimes, it’s shocking, and painful, and hard. But in the end, it’s what is best for us because it puts us in our place ~ in the place and the condition that God wants us to be in.

So, the next time you find yourself under attack – expected or not – keep your focus on God. Remember that He will only allow these attacks if there is a good purpose for it. James 4:8 says, “Draw close to God and He will draw close to you”… take heed of that and draw yourself close to Christ Jesus, the King of Glory (Colossians), and let Him strengthen your faith. Let Him lead you to victory. Don’t forget that the war is already won; we are just making our way back across the battlefield, and Satan is there, throwing fits of anger and fury, refusing to accept The Truth.

But, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test,

he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him"... ~

James 1:12. I'm praying tonight for God's strength in overcoming the trials and

temptations that seem to crowd their way into our daily lives. May we choose to trust in

and rely on Him, Christ Jesus, the King of Glory, for He will see us through. He is there,

right beside us, just waiting for us to acknowledge Him and let Him lead us to victory.

We are carefully walking our way through the book of John in BSF. Last week we studied the 9th Chapter. I love it when I study familiar passages and see things in a different way than I had in the past. I know the Spirit is at work in us and as He transforms us by the renewing of our minds, the Word's meaning grows deeper and wider. It truly is a life spring and a well that never runs dry! 

 The first six verses of Chapter 9 tell the story of the man blind from birth and who was transformed by Jesus' touch. I say transformed instead of healed because the notion of "healing" is to return one to a healthy state -- this man had never been able to see, and some theologians even believe the man may have been born with no eyes or very deformed eyes. He was not "returned" to a previous state -- he was given something he had never had before! 

 The story is quite gripping as we watch the destiny of a blind man, just doing his daily living, unfold and a miracle beyond miracles is performed. Jesus took mud He fashioned from nothing more than His own spit and the dirt at His feet.  He put the mud on the man's eyes and told him to bathe in the pool of Siloam. The man had a responsibility and had to obey a command to reap the benefit of this miracle that had been freely offered to him by Jesus. 

As I read and contemplated this story I was reminded and deeply convicted that my own faith is also a miracle. I was not merely healed from my condition. I was not "restored" to righteousness! I was dead in my sin and hopeless. Jesus performed the miracle of redemption for me on the cross. Through Him I am righteous. Through Him I have hope. Through Him I have life abundant and life everlasting! Just like the blind man, and I too have a responsibility to obey my Savior and do what He has asked me to do. 

It's not always easy though, is it? One day we feel confident and we have all the faith in the world -- or so it seems. Then on the next day we feel lost. We feel like we have nothing to offer. We are so painfully aware of our own shortcomings and deficits that we are embarrassed to even give what we have to give. We all struggle through these feelings. It's part of our human condition and struggle. We are quick to take our eyes off of our Savior and focus back on "self."

Sisters, let me remind you that in the loving hands of our Lord and Savior miracles can happen! The Lord took the most primitive materials available to Him and used them in the miracle of the man blind since birth. The mud didn't perform the miracle. The spit didn't perform the miracle. Jesus performed the miracle, and He chose to use common materials as His tools. 

I know that I often feel about as useful as mud. It brings me great comfort to remember that in Jesus' hands nothing is ordinary. In Jesus' hands what I have to offer can be used because of what He does with it, not because of what I can accomplish.  

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I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,
But sometimes I wonder what He can do through me;
No great success to show, No glory on my own,
Yet in my weakness He is there to let me know . . .

CHORUS
His strength is perfect when our strength is gone;
He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.
Raised in His power, the weak become strong;
His strength is perfect, His strength is perfect.

We can only know
The power that He holds
When we truly see how deep our weakness goes;
His strength in us begins
Where ours comes to an end.
He hears our humble cry and proves again . . .

(chorus) 

His Strength is Perfect -- Steven Curtis Chapman
 

I found this article encouraging, and I hope you do too.  Rarely do I find an article that I would reprint in the CMW magazine.  May God bless you as you read this article by Kim Stilwell.

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Even though we have five children, ages 11 and under, I believe that biblically my primary role in our family is to be a helpmate to my husband. Early in our marriage I would sometimes become resentful of this role and think, "What about me?" Though occasionally I still slip back into this old way of thinking, after sixteen years of marriage I find that being a helpmate to my husband has become a source of great joy instead of a chore. I find that when I follow my biblical role I have the peace and contentment that comes from being obedient to the Lord and His Word. I have also found that our marriage, and therefore our family, is stronger.

To fully understand God's Word, it helps me greatly if I am told the practical side of following God's Word. It doesn't help me much to have someone say, "Be a helpmate to your husband." I need specifics on HOW to be a helpmate to him. Here are some practical ways that I have learned through God's Word (often taught by others) over the years: 

1. Pray for him. Recently I read Susannah Wesley's biography. It said that Susannah would often throw her apron over her face. Her children would know not to bother her when they saw the apron over her face. This meant that she was praying to the Heavenly Father. One way I can be a helpmate to my husband is to pray for him. Though I have a specific time in the day to pray and read the Bible, I also often pray sentence prayers all throughout the day. Over half of these prayers are for my husband, "Lord, please give him wisdom as he leads our family," "Lord, please give him wisdom in this difficult decision he has to make," "Lord, please give him an opportunity to witness to a coworker today," "Lord, he is probably driving home about now. Please give him safety on the road" and other prayers like that all throughout the day.

2. Submit to him. The word "submission" is not popular in our culture today, but it is very biblical. We all have someone we need to submit to, and a wife is to submit to her husband. Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord." I should not submit to my husband only when I agree with him but all the time. Usually I do not find it difficult to submit to my husband, because we agree on so much. We both want to follow God's Word and this leads us to nearly complete agreement on all the major issues in our life. 

However, there have been times in our marriage when I have disagreed with my husband. For the most part, I have submitted any way. Most of the time I find out that he was right, but in the few cases when I have been right, I should not have an "I told you so" attitude. In spite of being the leader in our home, husbands make mistakes, just as we do. These are learning experiences for them just as we learn from our mistakes. Being submissive to my husband does not mean that I can't respectfully express my opinion to him but once he makes a decision, even if it is not the one I suggested, I need to lovingly and respectfully submit to him. By submitting to my husband, I teach my children to submit to authority. If they hear me make snide comments about my husband or see me roll my eyes when I disagree, I am teaching them to be unsubmissive and disrespectful to authority. Is there ever a time a wife should not submit to her husband? The Bible does teach that we are to "obey God rather than man," so if a husband wants his wife to do something that goes against God's Word, such as steal or lie, that is one time that a wife should not obey her husband.

3. Love him. Titus 2:3-5 tells the older women what they are to teach the younger women. Among other things, they are to teach the younger women to "love their husbands." Loving my husband is not just a feeling (though I do have romantic feelings toward my husband) but an action. If I say I love my husband but constantly belittle him or gossip about him to my friends, then I don't really love him. If I send him a romantic card but never truly listen when he is talking to me, then I don't really love him. Love is an action and a choice, not just a feeling. 

4. Make him # 2. Our husbands should have priority in our lives. The only One who should come before him on our priority list is God. A few months ago I wrote a whole article on this, so I will not spend a lot of time on this but we should put our husband above our children (they will actually be happier and more secure as a result of their Daddy coming "first"), before our friends, before our housework and before even church ministry. 

I praise the Lord that I have a husband that makes it easy for me to be a helpmate to him. He is kind and loving and a wonderful husband and family leader. Perhaps many of you are not in the same situation that I am. My heart goes out to you and if I knew your name and situation, I would certainly pray for you. The Bible does tell us that "to whom much has been given, much more shall be required." Because I have a loving husband, God expects more of me.

Article written by: Kim Stilwell; you may reach Kim via email jkstilwell@juno.com if you have any questions about this article.

Photo: CMW dmoore and her husband (dmoore has entered our Valentines Day Photo Contest.... have you?)

John 6:5-11 (NIV)
⁵When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?" ⁶He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. ⁷Philip answered him, "Eight months' wages[a] would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" ⁸Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother, spoke up, ⁹"Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?" ¹⁰Jesus said, "Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. ¹¹Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

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I don't know about you, but when I read this passage I can empathize with Jesus' position. Have you ever hoped to just sit down and relax when all of a sudden a problem of mob proportions comes right at you? Isn't it always something ladies? The kids have the flu, deployment is coming soon, you need to move and the car breaks down - it seems at times that the demands of life can get the best of us. 
 
In the passage above we see our Lord just sitting down to celebrate the Passover feast with His disciples. He was a hunted man at this time and He would not allow one thing to happen outside of the sequence of events that His Father had ordained. Jesus had already performed incredible miracles and managed to become the #1 on the most wanted list by the authorities for His work on the Sabbath and equating Himself with God.  

We see in our passage Jesus sitting with His disciples after delivering the most profound Christological discourse in scripture (John 5). He certainly deserved a rest and some peace and quiet after all of that! He sits down and as he does so he looks and sees a crowd of around 5000 people approaching them.

Watch the Master at work and learn from His response! If you were to watch me you might see a frustrated woman who does not want to be bothered when she feels she deserves a good rest! 

At this point in Jesus' ministry, His disciples had already witnessed a great deal from the "Son of Man" they followed. He had turned water into wine in front of them, cleaned the temple of money changers, healed the blind, healed from a distance, and reached out to a Samaritan woman and changed her life forever, to name a few! He was not a stranger to them -- or was He?

Jesus turns to one of His beloved disciples, Philip and asks a pretty reasonable question. Scripture reveals to us that Jesus asked this question in order to test Philip. Christ simply wanted to know how much it would cost to feed the approaching crowd. Philip immediately does the math and tells the Lord the grim news. It's impossible.

Later in the book of John (Chpt. 14) Jesus asks Philip "Don't you know me, Philip? Even after I've been with you such a long time?" Philip was standing in the presence of God incarnate, but he relied on his own understanding of the problem at hand.  His skills as a mathematician caused him to be short sighted. 

Suddenly, Andrew chimes in with some resources to help out with the problem. Andrew found some resources. Sure, it wasn't barely enough for one man, but Andrew must have remembered what Jesus had done in the past. Andrew spoke up in faith. He knew that 5 small barley loaves (probably the size of rolls) and 2 small fish could not satisfy the crowd, but he knew in the hands of Jesus something good would happen. 

There is, however, one unsung hero in this story.  Andrew said to Jesus "Here is a boy with ..."  More than likely this little boy did not have much - this may have been his lunch or supper that he had been carrying. Regardless it was rightfully his, but he shared it. He gave the loaves to Jesus in order to perform the miracle. Jesus could have done the miracle without anything in His hands, but doesn't it say a lot that He took an offering from an unknown child to feed a multitude of men?

In Matthew 18:3 the disciples were asking Jesus who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven. Jesus provides them with an answer they probably were not expecting.: 

³And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

How do you respond when you are facing impossible odds? What is your answer when you are approached by a mob (or angry groups of tired and hungry children)? What do you do when you are being asked to do something that seems to big for you to do?

Do you respond like Philip and forget what the Lord has already done for you? Do you forget what He is capable of? Do you lack the faith to trust Him and rely on your own skills and understanding?

Do you respond like Andrew and offer the Lord some resources, but maybe you still are a little unsure of how He is going to pull it all off? Do you hand your life to Christ with reservations?

Do you respond like the child? Do you give the Lord all you have? Do you trust that He can take even the smallest amount of what you have to share and use it to build His kingdom? Are you content being known by your Savior even if your name is left out of the details? 

Father in Heaven, We praise you Lord as the Bread of Life. Your Word truly does sustain us, and we have been saved from spiritual starvation because You have so generously given us all that we need. You have even provided for us above and beyond our needs so that we can share the Bread with those who are dying from spiritual malnourishment and starvation. Father, help us today to be more like Your child. Help us to trust you with our lives, our decisions, our children, our homes, our husbands, and our resources. In Christ Jesus name I pray. Amen.
 

I just killed a spider the size of China. Ok, so not really, but it sounds dramatic, right?! I mean, there I was minding my own business, chilling out on the couch, when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I'm thinking I'm imagining it, because I don't see anything on the rug in the dining room, but I get up to check anyway just because if I don't, I just know I'll wake up to a monstrous snake or something wrapped around my dining table in the morning. SO... I get up, and finally see it: this FREAKY looking spider w/ legs longer than a European super model's and about 1000 beady eyes - and they're all STARING at me. OH Yuck!

SO... I start looking for things to squoosh it with - because of course, I'm barefoot and there's NO WAY I'm getting any closer than 6 feet from this thing - it's like half the size of a dollar bill (aka China Town - hello!) and could launch some kind of ninja counter attack against me at any minute, so I'm running around, afraid to go into the other room because the second I let it out of my sight, I know it will go into hiding and begin plotting against me in the night - SO, then I see it, my 2 year old son's tennis shoe. I pick it up and hurl it at the spider.

FYI: toddler sized shoes for spiders the size of China do not work so well in the squooshing department. This knowledge base was reinforced when I hurled my son's OTHER shoe at it, also missing, but not by enough to keep the creature from getting mad. By this time, the thing was spinning around in a fashion that somewhat reminded me of that all-too-well-known scene from The Exorcist. Then, I saw my saving grace!!!! (Bright, heavenly light shines down; angelic music plays mystically in the background) A box!!!

Thankfully, a friend had mailed a package for the kids the day before and there sat the empty box - it was heavy duty cardboard, solid, firm - and BIG. So, I picked it up, making sure it was sealed closed - I didn't want the spider getting inside and turning it into some kind of hideout or something - and I slowly tiptoed over towards the rug, being careful to stay far enough back so that I can duck for cover if I miss and the freak arachnid decides to go all bad-spiderman on me or something.

I find my pitching position, I aim, and in the fastest slow motion I've ever seen, I throw the box at the spider. It lands on him and bounces off, as I take off running in the opposite direction. YEESSSS!!! I GOT HIM!!! I cautiously make my way back over to the area. I see his somewhat crippled and withered body, crumpled there on my rug, and then, he starts twitching. Yes, I said "twitching".

Now, let me tell you, you just don't know wierd (and gross) until you've seen a spider twitching. I figure the thing is a mutant and will come back to life at any moment, so I pick up the box, careful not to touch the side that landed on him gross!) and use it to push him off of my rug, where I proceed to drown him in a shower of Raid. HAHA! Victory!!! I grab my broom and dust pan, and using the box again, I hold the dust pan in place so I can from a distance sweep his nasty little bug body into it. I would have held it, but spiders are sneaky little creatures - you never know when they're just playing dead. Like I said, "China" - this thing was industrial!

SO... I get him scooped up and dump him in the trash, but the little booger won't fall to the bottom ~ I have to get out my gloves and an empty milk jug, and of course, my good ole' trusty box :o) and use them to mash the trash down so that if that nasty thing does decide to come back to life, he'll have to go through today's supply of dirty diapers to get back to me! Beat THAT creature!!!

Now, here I am, back on the couch, looking around, slightly paranoid, and eyeing that suspicious looking piece of fuzz that keeps floating around the floor on the other side of the room. All I know is, that fuzz better be careful, or I might have to go all cardboard box on its mug!

That is a true story that happened to me a week or so ago. As you can tell, I am slightly afraid of spiders. I always have been. Every time I see a spider, my body just begins to tremble with this intense fear and anxiety, and that fact got me thinking…

All of us have spiders in our lives. Not necessarily literal spiders, but rather “spiders” – things that creep into our lives, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes unwelcomed, unwanted… Sometimes, those things are frightening, sometimes they are saddening, overwhelming, hurtful. Sometimes they bring anger and frustration, confusion, exhaustion, and then there are even times when the “spiders” that appear in our lives leave us shaken and almost paralyzed from their venom… and for us Military Wives, so many times, those things  - those “spiders – come creeping in during deployments.

During deployments, we are usually physically on our own. We have our jobs/duties, our kids, our homes, our yards, everything – it is all resting on our shoulders. It is up to us to do everything; to keep our world around us going when our spouse is hundreds, or even thousands of miles away from us.

In those times, we often feel alone. Sure, there are days that aren’t so bad, and we do alright, but we’ve all had those moments when we just reach our breaking point. The teenager is acting out again, the house is a mess, the grocery store was packed, the car needs an oil change, the baby is sick, the deadline for your project at work is approaching quicker than you can prepare, your back is aching, your college classes are far more demanding than you could have imagined, the washing machine just broke – again, the dog just ate your favorite pair of shoes, and you haven’t had a moment to yourself in weeks. There is a lot of stress that we all have to deal with on a daily basis, and many times, that “spider” we call stress, can fill us with the venom of tension, bitterness, anger, and resentfulness – IF we let it.

BUT, if we choose to look at things through a new light, we can see how God is using those things to work in us and through us in our everyday lives.

For example, remember my spider incident? Well, God used that to show me that He is faithful and will provide me with the strength and courage needed to accomplish whatever comes up. You see, had my husband been home when that horrid little thing came creeping out, I would have been in hysterics, jumping up onto the couch, hollering for him to come and “rescue me”. However, instead, God chose to wait until I was alone – on my own – at night – hours away from any close friends/family – to bring that spider into my life. God put me in a position where I had to make a choice: I could either be afraid and let the spider paralyze me and just give it free reign in the house, which would leave me in constant fear and paranoia knowing it was there, OR, I could be afraid and trust in the peace that He always gives, and lean on Him to give me the courage I need to “squoosh” the thing. 

I have two young children – a 2 year old and a 1 year old. Our 2 year old son is very close with his Daddy, and he was handling this very long deployment well, up until his Daddy came home for 2 weeks on Leave then had to leave again. Since then, our son has been acting out and showing some extreme signs of separation anxiety. It has been very rough dealing with that, and there have been several moments where I feel as though I have just reached my limit when it comes to patience. There are some days where it’s as though all I do is discipline him, and those days are frustrating for both of us. But, God continually renews my strength, and in those moments when I am at my wits end, and the “spider” just seems to be too big to handle, He brings to mind all of the reasons why I love our son so much…

Also during this deployment, our 1 year old daughter began having seizures. About 4 months ago, at 9 months old, she had the first of about 20 seizures. She has been in and out of the ER, hospitals, doctor’s offices. She has seen/is seeing specialists, and has undergone countless tests trying to figure out why she suddenly developed this condition. So far, all we have is more questions… This has been yet another “spider” – one of the scariest. I have had many moments of just completely breaking down. But, every time, God renews my strength with His. He gives me peace in the anxiety, and He reminds me that His hand is in this. He is in control, even when I don’t understand. When this started, I felt so scared and frustrated, and I wanted so much for my husband to be here because there is just something about having your spouse with you that gives you comfort in difficult situations…

But, instead, my husband was on yet another deployment, and there I was – here I am – frightened, clueless, and on the verge of feeling completely overwhelmed, when God brought my focus back to Him. Throughout the past few months, God has revealed Himself to me in so many ways. He has re-taught me how to rely on Him, rather than on people. He has helped me to grow in so many ways over the past few months: In maturity, in knowledge, and in some ways, understanding. Though I still have SO many questions and such a lack of knowledge regarding so many things, He has given me peace and comfort in knowing that He knows. He has increased my faith SO much.

The list of “spiders” that have come out of the woodwork, just since my husband deployed, is so long it seems like (i.e. The day after he left, the pipes busted in our house and flooded our downstairs; our garage door broke and wouldn’t open/close; my best friend moved away; my closest uncle died from cancer; our daughter began having seizures; our son fell out of an exersaucer and about broke his nose; someone broke into our house while we were home; our town flooded badly – we’re around Atlanta and were in all that flooding that went on in September; I found out I have a [minor] heart condition; ex-girlfriends/boyfriends of my husband’s and mine tried quite forcefully to cause problems within our marriage – unsuccessfully of course; not to mention, the whole “I have spiders in my house” thing, etc…) My point is that, through all of those things, God was there. He was right there with me. He was my encourager, my comfort, my strength. He held my hand through the hard things, and shared my joy through the good. When my heart was heavy, He held me, and showed me that He is there; He cares, and most of all, that He will sustain me. He will get me through.

My husband is the closest person on this earth to me. He is my #1 best friend, my love. But, God… God is my Rock. He is my everything. By using all of these “spiders” in my life, God has taught me that relying on other people will always leave me unfulfilled. There will always be something lacking, and I will always have to deal with disappointment, because even those closest to us, even those who love and care for us deeply, even those who promise to always be there for us… they will let us down. At some point, it will happen because they – we – are only human. Our spouses might promise to always be there, but what happens when they can’t be because of deployments or other duties? Their absence / inability to fulfill their promise can leave us feeling hurt, empty, dissatisfied, etc… but God is ALWAYS there. He never breaks His promises. He always has time for us because we are His most important and most treasured job. (Not that our husbands’ don’t treasure us, but they still cannot always be there). God will never leave us feeling empty or hurt or disappointed because His ways, His plans are far better than we could ever imagine. And, even when things don’t go exactly as we think they should, God will give us peace about it because His Word tells us “For God is not the spirit of fear, but of power of love, and of a sound mind.” He is not the author of confusion. God will always make things clear for us. He will always clearly show us His will, and then once we know what His will is, He allows us to choose whether to go along with it, or to act against it. No matter what we choose, He still loves us unconditionally.

So, the next time you are faced with one of life’s many  “spiders”, try not to let the venom spread throughout your life, and instead, take a moment to step back, look around, and ask God what it is He’s trying to teach you. Pray and ask Him to be the vaccine that will heal you, make you stronger, and help you grow into the person He created you to be.

by Jocelyn Green, author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives

From now until Veteran’s Day (November 11, 2009), you can purchase Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives at a discount. Instead of the normal $9.99 retail price for one copy, I’m offering two books for $12 (plus shipping)! Yes, you can order just one copy and still get 40 percent off ($6 each), but I’m hoping the reduced price will encourage many of you to purchase one for yourself and one for a friend. And by all means, if you have lots of friends, order more than two copies! I will sign each one. Shipping is only $1.50 for the first book and $1 for each additional book.

For more information about the book, click here or read book reviews written by military wives like Alicia Smith, Lori MacDonald and Jessica Crow.

To order, use PayPal by clicking here  and adjust the quantity before hitting the “Buy Now” button. In the comments box, be sure to tell me who to sign the books for and which address I should send them to. (If using PayPal is a problem for you, email me at jocelyn@jocelyngreen.com and we can arrange payment by check.)

Over the past six months, I have personally heard women talking about the problems in their marriages. I’ve heard stories of husbands being emotionally or physically unfaithful, husbands getting drunk, husbands struggling with pornography, and husbands giving up on their Christian faith. These women who find themselves having serious marital problems have all be Christian military wives, “wives of faith.”

Perhaps you are a woman just like these. Or maybe you are a wife in a hard spot, not because of your husband, but because of yourself. Maybe you are struggling with resentment towards your husband because he is gone all the time. Maybe you feel like raising your children alone and being “abandoned” away from everything familiar isn’t the life you bargained for when you married that special man. Perhaps you are feeling “out of love,” or even being tempted with unfaithfulness yourself.

A lot could be said on the subject of the demise of Christian marriages. Prayer, selflessness, love, compassion, and good communication are all strongly lacking in most marriages. But as I thought on this subject and the difficulties I have faced in my own marriage, I have realized that probably the biggest thing lacking in marriages is FAITH.

I can almost hear you...a short scoff and the perhaps cynically-tinted question: “Faith? In what?!?” Maybe it’s even followed by a question of despair... “What’s left to believe in?”

The most obvious answer would be faith in God, but I think that most Christian women already feel like they have that checked off their list. But how does having faith in God help a woman who is struggling with her marriage?

Hebrews 11:1 says: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

I think that most women would say that they hope for a good marriage, but when they look around, all they can see is the failed marriages around them, and the problem in their own marriages.

The problem here is that we are looking at what we CAN see, instead of looking to God.
Sometimes, I think that we view marriage like an 8-year-old views Santa. It’s something wonderful that makes her feel all cozy and gives her good things. But her friends around her taunt her and test her faith. One tells her that her parents are really lying to her, while another tells her that she caught her own parents wrapping the presents. Still another tells her that believing that Santa could be responsible for all of those wonderful presents is really just stupid. The 8-year-old doesn’t want to let go of her belief...yet fears that giving up is only inevitable. I mean, it eventually happens to everyone, right?

The wonderful thing is that marriage isn’t like Santa. Marriage isn’t some man-made hoax that eventually HAS to end in failure. This is where faith in God comes in.

First, we need to have faith in the all-wise, all-powerful God who created marriage. Marriage was flawless in its design, and made for God’s pleasure. Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. (Revelation 4:11)

God created marriage, and blessed it. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it... (Genesis 1:27-28) God created marriage with a glorious purpose.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24)


God created marriage to last. I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. (Ecclesiastes 3:14) But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mark 10:6-9)

Despite modern trends and the countless failed marriages we see around us, if we truly recognized God’s design for marriage by its very creation, and the beauty in marriage, I think we would be much less hasty to give up on marriage so quickly.

Second, we need to have faith in the God who has power to make your marriage what it needs to be. Despite the circumstances you are facing, or how horrible your husband is to you, or how quickly you rushed into your marriage, the truth remains that you are married. You took a vow, and you promised. In the eyes of God, you are one flesh. It is your responsibility before God to be a good wife, to be a Godly woman, to be a “wife of faith” through whom God can work.

Probably the best marriage advice I ever heard was given to me in the form of two questions. The first question was this: “Do you believe that God has the power to fix your marriage?”

It’s a question only you can answer. It’s a question that goes to the heart of the issue...your faith. Your faith in the God who created marriage...your faith in His ability to change the heart of individuals.

The second question is, “Will you let him?”

This is where your faith takes action. I think that what happens is that so many woman quickly say “oh yes! God can fix my marriage. Please God fix my marriage!” and yet still live their lives contrary to His design. For God to work, He needs you to follow His design for marriage, to fulfill your God-given roles as a wife of faith. How can God work if you are being disrespectful and disobedient to your husband? How can he work if you are still trying to control everything instead of letting your husband lead? Maybe it’s as simple as getting out of the way. Stop trying to fix your husband, your marriage. Stop nagging and fighting, and start praying. Take your hands off of your life, and place your marriage in God’s hands...it’s probably safer there. Worry about following God, doing what He says about marriage, and let Him take care of the rest.

Have faith. Faith in God who created marriage, and faith that He has the power to make your marriage successful. Be a good and Godly wife. Do right. Be a wife of faith.
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (Philippians 1:6)

Have you ever second guessed what God has told you to do? Look at Jonah, God told him to go to Ninevah... and Jonah decided to take the senic route.

Sometimes, Gods plan for us is a little different than we expect.  Sometimes we don't understand Gods plans for us when they begin to unfold.  When we wait upon the Lord patiently, He will speak - we just need to listen.  Truly listen.

Read your Bible, pray every day.  Establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Be still... quite, learn to listen.

Learn to obey.

Don't second guess the plans God has before you.