ChristianMilitaryWives

(Written by CMW Newlywed Member Meagan Eskew)

From My Utmost for His Highest: “Taking the Initiative Against Depression”

“The angel in this passage did not give Elijah a vision, or explain the Scriptures to him, or do anything remarkable. He simply told Elijah to do a very ordinary thing, that is, to get up and eat. If we were never depressed, we would not be alive — only material things don’t suffer depression. If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exultation. There are things in life that are designed to depress us; for example, things that are associated with death. Whenever you examine yourself, always take into account your capacity for depression.

When the Spirit of God comes to us, He does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God’s creation. But whenever God steps in, his inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things — things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there. The inspiration that comes to us in this way in an initiative against depression. But we must take the first step and do it in the inspiration of God. If, however, we do something simply to overcome our depression, we will only deepened it. But when the Spirit of God leads us instinctively to do something, the moment we do it the depression is gone. As soon as we arise and obey, we enter a higher plane of life.”

Wow. Ok God. I get it.

I have been struggling with depression lately – being away from all I’ve ever known, feeling alone, not sure at all everything I need to do here, being in a spiritually deprived environment. And most of all, making myself feel guilty for not being happy – I mean, I am oh so happy to be with my husband again, and being able to spend almost every day with him here. However, I haven’t been truly happy all the time like I feel I should be. I’ve struggled with this daily since my arrival…. Loving being with my husband and feeling extremely blessed because of this, but also feeling unhappy for being away from my friends, family, job, church, etc. and trying to figure out this new way of life.

I knew this “depression” would be a reality to face – I felt somewhat prepared and thought I knew how to handle it…. stay positive, stay in God’s Word, pray, focus on your husband, stay busy, it could be worse, on and on and on… all great and true things. However, I still have struggled and didn’t understand why.

Our long-planned trip to Italy was light on the horizon. Hope. Something to look forward to, to get away from all I’m dealing with, and to finally be able to just enjoy being with Austin… Don’t get me wrong – our trip was absolutely amazing I am so thankful for the opportunity to travel with Austin, and see things we never thought we would be able to see. It provided much needed time for us – a get-away. However, for some reason I still continued to struggle with feeling depressed… even standing under an unbelievable, beautiful cathedral, holding hands, taking pictures, eating gelato and pizza… I still felt that I wasn’t as happy as I could be.

Over the course of our 4-day weekend, Austin and I had a lot of ups and downs. I felt myself getting sucked farther into a hole… and I finally felt God’s grip on me, using Austin to reach out and get to the bottom of things. Deep and meaningful conversations followed, and I feel like I finally let go and let Austin completely take care of me, trusting him fully, and refusing to let the doubts that Satan has been using to take hold of me anymore and get in the way of my relationship with my husband. I know I am not perfect, and there will be many times where one or both of us will put up that wall of defense again, or will misunderstand each other and not try to find out what the real problem is…. However, I feel that we have grown leaps and bounds this week, and I am beginning to feel the climb back to the top.

A simple comment made by a friend yesterday really made everything click for me…. His wife was contemplating quitting her job, and his thoughts on it were that she is a much happier person on the days she doesn’t work, and coming home to happy wife is the best thing ever. Even if he’s had a completely horrible day at work, coming home to a joyful wife made everything better.

I’ve heard this my whole life… but it never made so much sense to me. I see so clearly how my attitude and the way I handle things – from the way I greet my husband when he walks in the door, to simply having a smile on my face while I cook dinner, or even having a good attitude even after another delay with housing – how I let things affect me, has a huge affect on him and our marriage.

God is working… I love it I’m finally seeing how things are working together for good… While I realize that the struggles and my circumstances have not changed, and I will continue to face more unknowns and frustrations, I know that God is using them and working out my walk with Him through them, as well as strengthening my walk with my husband. Another Genesis week… and it’s beginning with me. Austin came home to a happy wife yesterday, and it made all the difference in the world. Even after a frustrating day of more housing delays, it was a good day. The circumstance did not change, the frustration did not change, and I still shared this with Austin… however, the way I went about it – not immediately “going off” when he got home (“you’ll never believe what happened today!”) not going on and on about it, and not complaining or voicing my concerns about something that he can do nothing about. I shared with him what happened, what my concerns where, and asked him his thoughts about it. We came up with a plan of action, made a decision, and that was it. We ate dinner, watched a movie, talked with his mom and grandma on skype, and had a wonderful evening together…

I am finding the joy in the every day things – not because I’m trying to stay positive, or because I’m trying to get myself out of a depression, or because I’m trying to make my husband happy, or I feel like I have to – I am finding the joy in welcoming my husband home, in holding his hand, in eating dinner together, in cleaning our room, in picking up after him, in laying out his clothes, in every little thing, just because I can. Because I am seeking my joy in Christ and Christ has blessed me with these everyday things – to experience joy. I have been seeking Him and asking for answers… how to handle this, how to communicate better, how to be happy, how to serve and respect my husband, how to be not depressed anymore…

It was in my depression that God showed me how to find my joy again… Arise and eat. Do the everyday things with my husband and realize the fullness of life that I have been given. I have a great capacity for joy and exultation, and I am loving embracing this new-found joy and sharing it with Austin.

I found this article encouraging, and I hope you do too.  Rarely do I find an article that I would reprint in the CMW magazine.  May God bless you as you read this article by Kim Stilwell.

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Even though we have five children, ages 11 and under, I believe that biblically my primary role in our family is to be a helpmate to my husband. Early in our marriage I would sometimes become resentful of this role and think, "What about me?" Though occasionally I still slip back into this old way of thinking, after sixteen years of marriage I find that being a helpmate to my husband has become a source of great joy instead of a chore. I find that when I follow my biblical role I have the peace and contentment that comes from being obedient to the Lord and His Word. I have also found that our marriage, and therefore our family, is stronger.

To fully understand God's Word, it helps me greatly if I am told the practical side of following God's Word. It doesn't help me much to have someone say, "Be a helpmate to your husband." I need specifics on HOW to be a helpmate to him. Here are some practical ways that I have learned through God's Word (often taught by others) over the years: 

1. Pray for him. Recently I read Susannah Wesley's biography. It said that Susannah would often throw her apron over her face. Her children would know not to bother her when they saw the apron over her face. This meant that she was praying to the Heavenly Father. One way I can be a helpmate to my husband is to pray for him. Though I have a specific time in the day to pray and read the Bible, I also often pray sentence prayers all throughout the day. Over half of these prayers are for my husband, "Lord, please give him wisdom as he leads our family," "Lord, please give him wisdom in this difficult decision he has to make," "Lord, please give him an opportunity to witness to a coworker today," "Lord, he is probably driving home about now. Please give him safety on the road" and other prayers like that all throughout the day.

2. Submit to him. The word "submission" is not popular in our culture today, but it is very biblical. We all have someone we need to submit to, and a wife is to submit to her husband. Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord." I should not submit to my husband only when I agree with him but all the time. Usually I do not find it difficult to submit to my husband, because we agree on so much. We both want to follow God's Word and this leads us to nearly complete agreement on all the major issues in our life. 

However, there have been times in our marriage when I have disagreed with my husband. For the most part, I have submitted any way. Most of the time I find out that he was right, but in the few cases when I have been right, I should not have an "I told you so" attitude. In spite of being the leader in our home, husbands make mistakes, just as we do. These are learning experiences for them just as we learn from our mistakes. Being submissive to my husband does not mean that I can't respectfully express my opinion to him but once he makes a decision, even if it is not the one I suggested, I need to lovingly and respectfully submit to him. By submitting to my husband, I teach my children to submit to authority. If they hear me make snide comments about my husband or see me roll my eyes when I disagree, I am teaching them to be unsubmissive and disrespectful to authority. Is there ever a time a wife should not submit to her husband? The Bible does teach that we are to "obey God rather than man," so if a husband wants his wife to do something that goes against God's Word, such as steal or lie, that is one time that a wife should not obey her husband.

3. Love him. Titus 2:3-5 tells the older women what they are to teach the younger women. Among other things, they are to teach the younger women to "love their husbands." Loving my husband is not just a feeling (though I do have romantic feelings toward my husband) but an action. If I say I love my husband but constantly belittle him or gossip about him to my friends, then I don't really love him. If I send him a romantic card but never truly listen when he is talking to me, then I don't really love him. Love is an action and a choice, not just a feeling. 

4. Make him # 2. Our husbands should have priority in our lives. The only One who should come before him on our priority list is God. A few months ago I wrote a whole article on this, so I will not spend a lot of time on this but we should put our husband above our children (they will actually be happier and more secure as a result of their Daddy coming "first"), before our friends, before our housework and before even church ministry. 

I praise the Lord that I have a husband that makes it easy for me to be a helpmate to him. He is kind and loving and a wonderful husband and family leader. Perhaps many of you are not in the same situation that I am. My heart goes out to you and if I knew your name and situation, I would certainly pray for you. The Bible does tell us that "to whom much has been given, much more shall be required." Because I have a loving husband, God expects more of me.

Article written by: Kim Stilwell; you may reach Kim via email jkstilwell@juno.com if you have any questions about this article.

Photo: CMW dmoore and her husband (dmoore has entered our Valentines Day Photo Contest.... have you?)

Just in case you were wondering, no, the title of this article is not a typo.

I thought it would be apropos to write a "first of the year" article. But, the truth is that when it comes to New Year's celebrations, resolutions, and excitement, I'm kind of a “scrooge”...(If you will allow me to steal a Christmas phrase and apply it to New Years.)

While I enjoyed staying up until midnight and getting my first New-Year's kiss EVER, once I crawled in bed dead tired I wondered why I had bothered staying up so late. After all, January first is just another day.

Some people may say I am sadly unmotivated, as I haven't made a “New Year's Resolution” in probably 5-10 years. And the ones that I have made I don't think I've ever kept.

See, when you make a New Year's Resolution, this is usually what happens...LIFE! You decide to read your Bible every day, go on a diet, exercise daily, wake up on time and never sleep in, or a myriad of other tedious goals...and then you get sick, get invited to a party, your husband calls in the middle of the night, you get in a car accident. Things just inevitably happen to keep you from sticking true to all of those high goals. So after you fall asleep during your Bible reading, eat that all-too-wonderful slice of chocolate cake, and lounge on the couch watching movies all day, you feel like a failure and wonder why you ever tried. After missing a day of success you feel like it's much easier to just live your life the way you always have.

(Is anyone else relating to this?)

But life doesn't have to keep us from living successfully. Yes, it can throw a kink in our well-made goals, but it doesn't have to make us quit.

This is why I have adopted a slightly different philosophy for my life: I take things “one day at a time.” See...what is a year? 365 days is all it is. While keeping a promise or a goal every one of those days is nigh impossible, making improvements each day is much more attainable.

The time where I realized this concept the most was when my husband was deployed for a year to Afghanistan. I would wake up in the morning, look at my countdown calendar, and be filled with despair and wonder how I could possibly make it through the next “x” amount of months. But each time I would try to shake my head of all the negativity and focus on TODAY. I would say to myself, “Aprille, just try to make it through today, and don't worry about the rest of the deployment.”

I had a lot of bad days, but I probably had more good days than bad. Each time I found myself discouraged about the deployment, I would write it off as “just a bad day...tomorrow will be better.”

So, if you have made some grand New Year's resolutions, I admire you for your courage and dedication. But let me encourage you by saying this: Don't let one day of life, failure, or fatigue keep you from reaching your goals. If you find yourself faltering, go to bed, sleep it off, and try again tomorrow. Take this year one day at a time, and I think you will find that at the end of 2010 you will be a better person because of all you have gone through.

“Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.” (Anne Shirley)

Today is a day of joy in celebrating Christs birthday, but to me today is also a day where I miss my family and all that "used to be."

Growing up, we would go to my Grandmas every year on Christmas Eve.  We would have a great time of family fellowship.  Sure, presents were included - but I really don't remember what gifts were given to me.  Well, okay - the truth... I remember Grandma and Grandpa always giving me a big box of socks, pjs and underclothes.  :)

My parents, brother, sister, aunts, uncles and cousins would go to Grandpa and Grandmas every year.  A few years ago, Grandpa passed away, but we continued to go see Grandma.  This year, I was unable to go home to visit.  Even if I went home, it would have been different of course because I am older, cousins are not around as much... my parents and oldest brother moved down to Florida as the rest of my family lives in Michigan. 

I am in a good central location I suppose.  North Carolina.  The weather is mild and we have a great church.  We have everything we need, yet - I do get a lonely feeling sometimes.  Lonely for family, and this year hubby is not even deployed. 

Military families move around often, and if our husbands are here or away - I think most of us end up feeling lonely for family if we can't go home for the holidays.  Even when we do go home, so much has changed since we are military that it's just not the same.

Not only do we deal with missing family, but many of us deal with missing friends or family who were killed in war.  Soldiers and those who have PTSD experience holiday depression more so than others.  Be sure to visit the links at the end of this article to find immediate help, or if you just need to talk to someone.

I try to remember to thank God for the good things in my life.  For the blessings He has given.  Am I the only one who gets a little dose of the holiday blues? Here are a few verses to help us remember that God is God, He is loving and He can fill any void we have.

"Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me." --John 14:1

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." – Matthew 11:28-30

Remember, when you are feeling down - pray.  The Lord is here for us always.  He knows how you are feeling, and it helps us to talk to someone who REALLY cares.  We all know that the Lord cares about us more than anyone does. 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God; And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ" – Phil. 4:6.

• Army G-1, Army Well Being Liaison Office - 1-800-833-6622
• Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline - 1-800-984-8523
• Emergency - 911
• www.armyfamiliesonline.org - 1-800-833-6622
• www.militaryonesource.com - 1-800-342-9647
• National Suicide Hotline - 1-800-SUICIDE
• www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: (1 Peter 1:8)

This verse became a precious comfort to me when I was nineteen. I was very lonely, very single, and desperately wanting to be married. While I don’t know that my personal interpretation was exactly God’s intent when He wrote this Scripture, this verse filled me with hope. I knew that God wanted me to be married, but it seemed there were no possibilities in sight. Even though I did not know who my husband would be, I tried to focus on the fact that he was out there, somewhere, and believe in the fact that God would bring us together in His time. While I could not see him, I could begin to love him. It was this hope that gave me joy.

Now I’m a young woman married to a soldier. This verse took on a new meaning to me during this deployment. As military wives we are daily faced with the choice to love someone we cannot see, touch, and sometimes even talk to. The only thing that can sustain us during times of separation is our faith…faith that we will be together again someday soon. And it is this faith that gives us an “unspeakable joy” that allows us to smile even when our husbands are on the other side of the world.

When I turned the calendar to June, my joy-meter skyrocketed. My husband’s return is now eminent and I have begun frenzied homecoming preparations! As I look back over the last eleven months of my life, I am somewhat disappointed. I feel like I could have done so much better than I did, accomplished more, had a better attitude, the list could go on. But one thing I have no doubt about…my faith has been strengthened. I have had a lot of low moments, probably more lows than highs, but I can remember specific times when God did fill me with unspeakable joy, and that joy was directly connected to my belief and faith.

God also gives us this verse as a reminder about the ultimate homecoming awaiting us…when our Saviour will return! Let us not forget to truly love Him even when it seems like we cannot see him.

No matter where you are in your journey as a wife of faith, whether it be just beginning a deployment, in the darkness of the unending middle of the deployment, planning for homecoming, or just living the ever difficult challenges of garrison life … I pray that this verse will be a comfort to you as it has been to me. May God fill you with unspeakable joy!

Written By: Aprille, Proud CMW Member

Are you a member of an inactive FRG? Instead of sitting around, talking about how inactive it is… start some type of support group yourself. I know, it does not sound like a simple task… but, really it is. You will be amazed how many ladies may want to participate in a support group – especially while their husbands are deployed.

Maybe your FRG is active, but you've had a bad experience in the past or you feel a little ackward? I urge you to pray about things, and let the Lord work in you and in those around you.

Jump in there, get involved with other wives in your husbands troop or unit, communicate with other ladies going through the same thing you are going through. You are not always going to hit it off with every single lady in the FRG, but more often than not - you will find at least one new friend.

 

If you are still set against participating in FRG events, there are other ways of meeting military wives and having that great support network you need.  For example, our small groups that are starting up around the country... or maybe your church has a support group for military wives?

If your church offers a support group for military wives, we are more than happy to allow the leader to use our resources here at CMW, and to start a group just for your church members! You can email us and we can make it happen.  info@christianmilitarywives.com

There's nothing in it for us, we are an all volunteer staff just trying to do the right thing. :)

DifferentDream.com is a gathering place for parents of special needs children. Dads and moms in the hospital with seriously or terminally ill kids feel isolated. So do parents whose children live with mental disabilities or chronic illnesses.

If you’re one of those parents, we can help you find answers to questions like:

• Why did God let this happen to our child?
• Where do we find strength to deal with this diagnosis?
• How do we navigate life in the hospital?
• How do we juggle life inside and outside the hospital?
• When we take our chronically ill child home, how will we cope?
• What will life be like if our child dies?
• If our child survives, how do we regain a normal life?

My husband and I asked those questions and many more after our first child, Allen, was born in 1982. A few hours after his delivery, doctors discovered he had a life-threatening birth defect, and he was immediately flown to the University of Nebraska in Omaha for surgery. Two days later, we finally arrived at the neonatal intensive care unit where he was recovering. Seven hundred miles from home, without friends or family, we felt utterly and completely alone.

Allen survived and is an adult now, but our experiences created a deep desire within me to reach out to parents of critically or chronically ill children. That desire was partially realized in September of 2009 when my book A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children was released by Discovery House Publishers.

This website is another way to reach out to parents of really sick kids and offers the following features:

• A resources page with links to helpful websites, organizations, and literature.
• A blog that addresses current topics and lets you add comments, questions, and advice.
• Information about how to order A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children, which addresses many of these topics in greater depth.
• A contact page which lists several ways to connect with me.

No matter how isolated you feel, you are not alone. I invite you to use this site to connect with a community of parents who have embraced a different dream for their children. Maybe they can help you embrace your child’s dream, too.

You are not alone,
Jolene Philo

November 13-15

The Sista Hood Retreat in Fort Fisher, NC is designed to connect women from verious churches and backgrounds, bringing them together to worship our Lord and Savior, grow in our walk and other fellowship with other sisters. 

The cost of the retreat is only $75.  This includes lodging for Friday and Saturday night.  All meals on Saturday are included.  We will not be providing food Friday evening or Sunday morning.

All women are welcome.  Registration is open until October 25.  You may register after October 25, but there will be a $10 late fee.

All questions may be directed to Michele Price.  Michele@micheleprice.net

Come and be blessed!

Retreat speakers are Michele Price and Patti Katter.  All women (military and civilian) are welcome!

I am currently studying the Gospel according to John. It's one of my favorite of the four Gospels because of its deep philosophical roots. John was an intellect, and the use of his words in the first 5 verses of the book shows the depth of his thought:

¹In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. ²He was with God in the beginning.
 ³Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.⁴In him was life, and that life was the light of men. ⁵The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it. 

The title or name he uses to place Jesus in these passages is the greek word "Logos." The greeks had used this word since the time of Socrates and before to describe "the Essence" or "the Originator." John boldly takes their language to proclaim to them that he, himself, had met the One and Only Word! 

As humans we can fully comprehend the "man" Jesus. We know he grew tired, he got hungry, he was tempted, he laughed, he cried, he was disappointed, and he faced fear. He prayed. He communed. He observed the Passover. What we struggle with is comprehending the Infinite Christ -- the undiminished Deity that resided here on earth in a man's body. We can only comprehend the finite -- because the finite can not comprehend the infinite. It's OK though because Paul later reminds us that we see dimly in a mirror, but one day we will know Him face to face.

After studying and contemplating those thoughts, I was actually taken back by a much more subtle passage in the first chapter of this marvelous love letter, penned by one who loved Jesus and who was deeply loved by Jesus -- a love letter inspired by the Holy Spirit, and signed with love from the Father. 

It is found later in the first chapter when John (the author of the Gospel) begins to follow Christ himself. He heard John the Baptist declare "Behold the Lamb of God!" John and Andrew immediately began their journey with the Lord. Jesus, knowing he was being followed, turned to both of them and said:

³⁸Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, "What do you want?" They said, "Rabbi" (which means Teacher), "where are you staying?"³⁹"Come," he replied, "and you will see."  So they went and saw where he was staying, and spent that day with him. It was about the tenth hour.

The disciples answered Jesus' question with a question. I don't know about you, but I often do that when I am not quite sure how to answer. 

It sounds like such an easy question, doesn't it? Yet, a man of high intellect like John is bewildered for a moment (or so that's my take on it) when he looks into the face of eternity and is asked by the voice of his Savior "What do you want?" 

This left me pondering how I would answer Jesus' question of me. Claire, What do you want? Would I say "Lord I want safety, security, financial prosperity, friends, love, life, happiness..." Would I call Him "Rabbi" (or teacher) and tell Him that I want feet that will follow Him no matter the cost?  Would I tell Him "Savior, I want You, and anything else is just settling?" 

What would you tell your Savior today? What do you want?