ChristianMilitaryWives

FROM: Operation Military Kids

I came across the following topic on Massachusetts General Hospital’s forums. It was well written and very helpful information for all parents, but especially children of military members as they may be more sensitive to war related news.

 

Talking with Children about Upsetting News Events

Comments from: Paula K. Rauch, MD and colleagues from the MassGeneral Hospital for Children

EXCERPT

Dr. Rauch is a child psychiatrist who leads the Marjorie E. Korff PACT (Parenting At a Challenging Time) Program at the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center. www.mghpact.org

All children are exposed to news via newspapers, radio, the Internet, and especially television. And they naturally turn to their parents with questions about what they have seen and heard. For a child whose family is impacted by the earthquake in Haiti, news about the tragedy can raise concerns about their own family’s safety. Discussing these issues poses a special challenge for parents to listen, understand, and answer their children’s questions in a manner that is both honest and reassuring. Meeting this challenge successfully strengthens your child’s inner strength, sense of security, and trust in you.

First, you know your child best. You have likely been through good time and stressful times before. How your child has reacted in the past is often a good predictor for how he or she will cope with new challenges. Think about what has been helpful for your child previously, and use these successful strategies from the past. Most children will benefit from maintaining regular routines, including daily schedules and normal expectations for schoolwork. Children will take their emotional cues from the adults in their world. If we are calm usually they will feel secure; however, it is important to talk to your child about his or her specific concerns.

Second, check in with your child. Find out what he or she has been hearing, seeing and thinking about a new event or whether it has not yet come to his or her attention. Questions such as, “Are kids at school talking about __________?” or, “ What have you heard about __________?” are good ways to open such a conversation. If your child is younger and is not aware of the news, you may elect to go no further with this conversation. If your child has heard about the news event, encourage him or her to tell you about what they’ve heard or what they think about what others are saying. Ask if they have any specific worries. To answer questions and allay fears, it is important to really understand what your child is struggling with before you move to answer or reassure him.

Third, TV images can be upsetting. Turn off the TV around young children or those who may have been upset by TV news in the past. Be mindful that coverage of the same earthquake over and over again can be misinterpreted as something that is happening repeatedly. Watch television with older children so you can answer questions and be aware of their feelings. Some older children need to be reminded that the TV images can be overwhelming and that it’s OK not to watch. This is true for many adults, who may feel better listening to radio reports or reading newspaper coverage rather than watching disturbing TV images.

Fourth, make the most of family time. Spend extra time with your children. Turn off the telephone and the TV during meals so you can talk together. Often parents can identify times in the day or activities that facilitate thoughtful conversations. Sometimes, it is while driving in the car or when a child sits with a parent who is working in the kitchen. Those are great times to check in with your child and talk. CLICK TO READ MORE

FYI! From Armylive.dod I will be printing the full reoport and will write up an article about it in detail next week. 

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Impact of Multiple Deployments on Children

The new reality of repetitive deployments has led to innovative programs and policies designed to assist military children in dealing with the difficulties of deployments.  Initiatives—ranging from “flat daddies” replacing deployed soldiers at the dinner table, to senior leaders ceremoniously signing the Army Family Covenant at installations across the world, to the First Lady proposing nearly $9 billion to support military families—point to the growing concern that multiple deployments may be as stressful to Army children as they are to soldiers.  Despite the increased attention and seemingly endless resources directed at children in deployed families, however, there has been very little research examining the effects of multiple deployments on children.

In March of 2009, Leonard Wong and Stephen Gerras from the U.S. Army War College began a two-phase study to examine the effects of multiple deployments on Army adolescents.  The first phase, collected through an online survey, evaluated the perspectives of over 2,000 soldiers, 700 spouses, and 500 Army children between 11 and 17.  The second phase collected the views of over 100 Army adolescents through individual interviews at 8 Army installations throughout the U.S. 

As expected, they found that strong families—to include a non-deployed spouse who coped well with deployments—as well as ample activities such as sports to keep Army youngsters busy serve to reduce stress levels of Army adolescents during a deployment.  Surprisingly, they also found that the attitudes of Army children play a role in dealing with deployment stress and coping with a life of deployments.  Children who believed that soldiers are making a difference in the world and that the American public supported the war were significantly more likely to report that they were coping better with deployments.  The study highlights the often overlooked impact of attitudinal factors such as the influence of public opinion concerning the war and the importance—in a life marked by multiple deployments—of an adolescent’s confidence that their parent’s call to duty is worth the sacrifice.

For a free download of the full study, please visit the US Army War College Strategic Studies Institute website:http://www.strategicstudiesinstitute.army.mil/pubs/display.cfm?pubID=962. 

I wrote this a couple of years ago and came across it. I must have been in quite a mood and in deep need of a break when I wrote it. I hope it encourages you! 

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06:30 and all is quiet on the home front.

Too quiet for a seasoned veteran like me.

I am not a veteran of foreign wars, mind you, but I am a veteran of the home front. I am in many occupation specialties, and I hold many ranks.

I am the acting Commander in Chief, General, and every rank known down to Private.

I am an Infantry soldier while I run after a busy and precocious toddler.

I am Cavalry and my transportation is my noble Windstar (complete with emptysippy cups and toddler music galore -- it could scare the toughest enemy!).

I am in Artillery and I can launch a dirty diaper and hit the destination target faster than the speed of light.

I am in Special Forces and my handle is "Stealth Mom." I am able to walk down hallways past a sleeping child's room more quietly than a feather on the wind. I put Spider Man to shame - he has no moves on me. I can go undetected by toddler radar for up to 20 minutes in the morning. I have also been known to know much more about a teenager's friends than they thought I should know as well as their exact global location.

Legal services, medical, psychological and special equipment? Been there doing that. Oh, and let's not forget about the Physical Fitness requirements. I can sprint faster than a toddler running through the toy isle at Toys R Us. I can jump baby gates like an Olympic runner jumping hurdles, and my life consists of a constant squat thrust as I walk through my house picking up toys, socks, shoes, and cheerios off of the floor. "Two steps, squat, grab, back up we go..." and the reps continue. All day long. Sit ups? Well I will have to actually have time to lay on the floor before I can tell you how many of those I can actually do.

Recruiting and retention have been successful. We have had 50% of our recruits stay until retirement, and we fully expect the other 50% to do the same. So far it looks as if this home base is being run quite well. I think we have earned a little R& R!

The curly headed pirate is gone for the day. She is at a sister base and will receive some additional training from another unit. So, today this veteran mom is actually off duty. My house is spotless, laundry done, and the baby is away. I think this calls for a pedicure, a nap and maybe a hair cut. A Stealth Mom can dream!

I had the immense pleasure of interviewing Jolene Philo, wife, mother, blogger, writer and motivational speaker. Most importantly of her titles is "Christian woman." She was a joy to talk with, and I am sure her insights, advice and wisdom will bless anyone with a child who has chronic or severe medical conditions.

You can find Jolene's blog HERE. 

I would also encourage caretakers of wounded warriors to listen in on my interview with Jolene.  Click to listen:

Beatitudes for Parents

Blessed are those parents who make their peace with spilled milk and with mud, for of such is the kingdom of childhood.

Blessed is the parent who engages not in the comparison of his child with others, for precious unto each is the rhythm of his own growth.

Blessed are the fathers and mothers who have learned laughter, for it is the music of the child’s world.

Blessed and wise are those parents who understand the goodness of time, for they make it not a sword that kills growth but a shield to protect.

Blessed and mature are they who without anger can say "no", for comforting to the child is the security of firm decisions.

Blessed is the gift of consistency, for it is heart’s-ease in childhood.

Blessed are they who accept the awkwardness of growth, for they are aware of the choice between marred furnishings and damaged personalities.

Blessed are the teachable, for knowledge brings understanding, and understanding brings love.

Blessed are the men and women who in the midst of the unpromising mundane, give love, for they bestow the greatest of all gifts to each other, to their children, and—in an ever-widening circle—to their fellow men.

Marion E. Kinneman
(1895-1985)