I have four beautiful, healthy and brilliant children. They
consume my time and they consume my heart. Most of what I do is
centered around their lives…their issues, their appointments,
their character, their schooling, their health, their food, their
bottoms (as in SIT on your bottom, do you prefer to obey or to
have a sore bottom, or let me wipe…you know), and most of all my
walk with God so that I can be available to them as a mom with
her heart after God’s own heart. It is hard work, absolutely, but
I still find it somewhat odd and sad that people so often focus
on the number of children I have…the number one comment I receive
from strangers? ‘You’ve got your hands full.’ The second
favorite? ‘Are they all YOURS?’ That one makes me chuckle because
I always wonder if I look like I’ve accidentally borrowed some
children. Even if I had adopted any, they would still be my own
children, wouldn’t they?!
Honestly, though I’ve always wanted four children, I thought I
would quit after the first three. I was dog-tired. I was doing
the ‘military spouse serving as a single mom with three toddlers’
grind, and my husband and I were stressed out and at odds often.
All my well-laid plans to use cloth diapers, to breastfeed my
babies, and to enjoy my motherhood kept getting hindered or
waylaid as I switched to disposable diapers after I couldn’t keep
up with a third in cloth, as my milk dried up because of
back to back pregnancies, mastitis and babies who slept too
well at night (go figure). I went back and forth between making
homemade baby and toddler food and scarfing Wendy’s drive thru on
the way home from anywhere. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to
cry when I discovered that my 11-month-old son, Samuel’s, first
words were, ‘thop dat!’ finger pointing and all. My conversations
with my children seemed to all start and end with ‘NO’ and I was
weary and angry about the loss of my dream of motherhood bliss.
It wasn’t easy, beautiful, serene or fun…it was breathtakingly,
tongue-draggingly, exhaustively tiring!
I’m over the ‘will I survive potty-training?’ stage, and even
with a 10-month-old baby, having the older children be 9, 8 and 6
means that the baby always has doting siblings to entertain and
love on him while I work or rest. We all enjoy him together and
we are having so much fun! When my husband was deployed to Iraq
my girls actually brought 3 year old Samuel to me, by the hand,
and formally requested that I produce a baby brother for him.
After all, the girls had each other and he had no one on his
side. (I suspect this could have had something to do with him
terrorizing their playsets). I thought that was cute, and told
them that that was the kind of thing that you would take to God
in prayer, that it was out of my hands. I really thought I was
done at 3 children anyways, so it truly had to be an act of God!
The 4 and 5 year old sisters, took Samuel by the hand and
began praying for a baby brother together.
One year and nine months after Steve came home from a grueling,
long deployment, God laid it on my heart to have room for another
baby. I shared that with Steve and he agreed. Little did we know
that I was already almost a month pregnant! When I shared the
news with the children they
actually remembered their prayer request from
almost 3 years earlier and they rejoiced, saying, “God answered
our prayers! God answered our prayers!” When I informed them it
would be a boy at 20 weeks, they looked at me with some
puzzlement…”But Mommy, we PRAYED for a BOY, remember?” Properly
chastened at my unbelief, I reveled in the fact that their young
faith had been so strong and unwavering even while I had been
skeptical and unwilling. We named our baby Nathan, which means
‘God’s gift,’ and he has been an integral part of healing and
unifying our family. We enjoy our sweet baby so much, but Samuel
and the girls all consider Nathan to be his very own,
made-to-order baby, and big brother can’t wait to share a room
with baby brother. Samuel accepts ownership of his one and only
prayed for brother.
So yes, in this day and age, I suppose four children is slightly
unusual for two ‘educated parents.’ Many of my peers back in CA
started having babies later life because of their careers, and
will likely stop at the proverbial 2 or 2.5 children (whatever
that may mean.) I’ve surprised most of the older generation in my
family because they fully expected me to pop out two kids and go
back to school or work. I am something of an anomaly or an
exasperation to them, and they still ask me, ‘you ARE done having
kids, aren’t you?’ I may be done, only God really knows, but I
have had such peace and joy about having these four entirely
individual, beautiful little people in our lives. I was given the
grace to have them and to raise them, and I’m not a supermom by
any stretch of the imagination. Grace has empowered me to grow
with each child, and that experience may range from super-painful
to super-sweet, but not super-mom! My husband and I may never
become rich, famous or powerful, but I do know that we are
investing and pouring what we learn as we grow into each child,
with prayer and repentance all along the way. We know that God
will bless that commitment and multiply the blessings that
follow. We are preparing to launch them into a faith-filled,
successful adulthood.
So do we have our hands full? Sure we do. I’d like to think that
our quiver is full and that God’s cup runneth over!
3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5
http://msnancyks.wordpress.com/2010/05/17/youve-got-your-hands-full/
*This devotion is an excerpt
from Stories
of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq and
Afghanistan (AMG Publishers, fall 2009),
which I co-authored with Jane Hampton
Cook and John Croushorn. Order your copy from
Amazon.com.Do
you qualify for an extra $500 per month? »
