ChristianMilitaryWives

For the past several days, I have been in tears several times and until this morning, I wasn't sure why. I kept feeling a heaviness on my heart and an utter despair. Lately I have felt unsure of whether I am making any difference in others' lives and whether or not my motives are even true.

You see, I have a problem with pride. And I am okay (sort-of) with admitting this. :) Though my heart is sincere, I believe, in wanting to serve Christ and to be a "good Christian," there are times that I believe I can do it on my own. And when I fail, I am frustrated beyond belief and end up wondering what sin in my life is keeping me from following the "rules" this time.

Have you ever felt that way? Wondering why, even after spending gobs of time reading the Bible, praying countless hours in the day and all through the night, having 5 quiet times, worshipping hours upon hours, fellowshiping with believers, serving God through some type of ministry, etc... you feel empty still, or that you can not do enough?

I decided to ask God to examine my heart. Let me just warn you - He is faithful to do what we ask of Him. :)

I said, "God, I feel like giving up. Has nothing really changed in my life after experiencing your salvation 7 years ago? Am I still the fake, unloving person with junk in my life that I've always been? I am a seminary student; I shouldn't still be doing things wrong. Lord, I need you to do something better with me."

This morning, I cried out to Him some more, and He answered. God said to me: "Sara, have you forgotten why I came to save you? Self-sufficiency always leads to self-righteousness, but My sufficiency leads to true righteousness. Let me live MY life THROUGH you. My Grace is enough."

Wow...what an epiphany.

So many of our efforts in being a Christian end up leading to complete disappointment when we feel that we don't "succeed." We pray our hearts out for the Lord to work in our lives, yet when things are still going wrong in some way, we think that we didn't pray enough, aren't good enough, or often, we even question our salvation. We wonder what we've done wrong, and we ask God why? We say we are sorry for whatever it is we've done wrong, then we rededicate our life to Him and promise to "do better." Its a continuous cycle of motivation --> condemnation --> rededication.

Somewhere along the way we (I) have forgotten that we are saved by Grace, and that this Grace cannot be earned no matter how hard we try because it is the gift of God! We ask Jesus to come into our hearts and lives by accepting this gift of Grace, then the rest of the time we live under the law, trying to keep a lot of rules so we can be good Christians.

The fact of the matter is, we are never going to be "good Christians" in our own eyes. We can never do enough good works, do enough praying, do enough reading our Bibles, to earn the love of Christ and His acceptance. And we can never be "successful" if we try to do it on our own.

For me, this is where my issue with pride comes in, thinking that because I am a Christian, I can keep all the rules on my own. Then I expect others around me to keep the rules, and I end up living under the Law instead of under Grace and witnessing to others NOT the Grace of God but the Law of God.

Today, I have surrendered my heart to what God wants to do through me, even if I look weak and insufficient in my own strength. I have decided to let the power of Jesus' righteousness run through my veins, instead of me trying to do it on my own. Today, and every day from here on out, I have chosen to walk in Grace, believing that Jesus Christ loves me, accepts me, and can use me despite my shortcomings and flaws.

Are you walking in Grace?

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

Betty Lou had her very own seat in our car:

Most mornings, Betty Lou and I had a cup of coffee together. Betty Lou loves coffee. I think some of that has to do with the fact that she was "born" at Carly's house. :)

Betty Lou, hubby, and I took a trip up to Louisville. She helped us find our second car!

Betty Lou seemed rather fond of cookies, so I shared mine with her.

Hubby decided to give her a fortune cookie:

Her fortune said this:

"Beauty will surround you - open your eyes to see it."

Betty Lou and I went to Kristen's garage sale. We even got to meet Kristen's hubby and girls!

Betty Lou liked staying in our guest bedroom...although I think the bed was a tad big for her.

Betty Lou enjoyed a service at our church:

We took Betty Lou to a park in town.

Here she is finding her place on the map:

She took a swim in the river:

Betty Lou and I stopped to smell some wildflowers:

Betty Lou got into a little bit of trouble...

Us laying out and getting some sun...

Betty Lou and I sharing another cup of coffee:

Betty Lou is enjoying our Bible study.

Betty Lou helped me plant some mums in our front yard:

After a long and fun week, we had to send Betty Lou on to Mandy's house.

 

(p.s. I took a lot more pictures...I'll be uploading those to Betty Lou's group page.)

 

I just killed a spider the size of China. Ok, so not really, but it sounds dramatic, right?! I mean, there I was minding my own business, chilling out on the couch, when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I'm thinking I'm imagining it, because I don't see anything on the rug in the dining room, but I get up to check anyway just because if I don't, I just know I'll wake up to a monstrous snake or something wrapped around my dining table in the morning. SO... I get up, and finally see it: this FREAKY looking spider w/ legs longer than a European super model's and about 1000 beady eyes - and they're all STARING at me. OH Yuck!

SO... I start looking for things to squoosh it with - because of course, I'm barefoot and there's NO WAY I'm getting any closer than 6 feet from this thing - it's like half the size of a dollar bill (aka China Town - hello!) and could launch some kind of ninja counter attack against me at any minute, so I'm running around, afraid to go into the other room because the second I let it out of my sight, I know it will go into hiding and begin plotting against me in the night - SO, then I see it, my 2 year old son's tennis shoe. I pick it up and hurl it at the spider.

FYI: toddler sized shoes for spiders the size of China do not work so well in the squooshing department. This knowledge base was reinforced when I hurled my son's OTHER shoe at it, also missing, but not by enough to keep the creature from getting mad. By this time, the thing was spinning around in a fashion that somewhat reminded me of that all-too-well-known scene from The Exorcist. Then, I saw my saving grace!!!! (Bright, heavenly light shines down; angelic music plays mystically in the background) A box!!!

Thankfully, a friend had mailed a package for the kids the day before and there sat the empty box - it was heavy duty cardboard, solid, firm - and BIG. So, I picked it up, making sure it was sealed closed - I didn't want the spider getting inside and turning it into some kind of hideout or something - and I slowly tiptoed over towards the rug, being careful to stay far enough back so that I can duck for cover if I miss and the freak arachnid decides to go all bad-spiderman on me or something.

I find my pitching position, I aim, and in the fastest slow motion I've ever seen, I throw the box at the spider. It lands on him and bounces off, as I take off running in the opposite direction. YEESSSS!!! I GOT HIM!!! I cautiously make my way back over to the area. I see his somewhat crippled and withered body, crumpled there on my rug, and then, he starts twitching. Yes, I said "twitching".

Now, let me tell you, you just don't know wierd (and gross) until you've seen a spider twitching. I figure the thing is a mutant and will come back to life at any moment, so I pick up the box, careful not to touch the side that landed on him gross!) and use it to push him off of my rug, where I proceed to drown him in a shower of Raid. HAHA! Victory!!! I grab my broom and dust pan, and using the box again, I hold the dust pan in place so I can from a distance sweep his nasty little bug body into it. I would have held it, but spiders are sneaky little creatures - you never know when they're just playing dead. Like I said, "China" - this thing was industrial!

SO... I get him scooped up and dump him in the trash, but the little booger won't fall to the bottom ~ I have to get out my gloves and an empty milk jug, and of course, my good ole' trusty box :o) and use them to mash the trash down so that if that nasty thing does decide to come back to life, he'll have to go through today's supply of dirty diapers to get back to me! Beat THAT creature!!!

Now, here I am, back on the couch, looking around, slightly paranoid, and eyeing that suspicious looking piece of fuzz that keeps floating around the floor on the other side of the room. All I know is, that fuzz better be careful, or I might have to go all cardboard box on its mug!

That is a true story that happened to me a week or so ago. As you can tell, I am slightly afraid of spiders. I always have been. Every time I see a spider, my body just begins to tremble with this intense fear and anxiety, and that fact got me thinking…

All of us have spiders in our lives. Not necessarily literal spiders, but rather “spiders” – things that creep into our lives, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes unwelcomed, unwanted… Sometimes, those things are frightening, sometimes they are saddening, overwhelming, hurtful. Sometimes they bring anger and frustration, confusion, exhaustion, and then there are even times when the “spiders” that appear in our lives leave us shaken and almost paralyzed from their venom… and for us Military Wives, so many times, those things  - those “spiders – come creeping in during deployments.

During deployments, we are usually physically on our own. We have our jobs/duties, our kids, our homes, our yards, everything – it is all resting on our shoulders. It is up to us to do everything; to keep our world around us going when our spouse is hundreds, or even thousands of miles away from us.

In those times, we often feel alone. Sure, there are days that aren’t so bad, and we do alright, but we’ve all had those moments when we just reach our breaking point. The teenager is acting out again, the house is a mess, the grocery store was packed, the car needs an oil change, the baby is sick, the deadline for your project at work is approaching quicker than you can prepare, your back is aching, your college classes are far more demanding than you could have imagined, the washing machine just broke – again, the dog just ate your favorite pair of shoes, and you haven’t had a moment to yourself in weeks. There is a lot of stress that we all have to deal with on a daily basis, and many times, that “spider” we call stress, can fill us with the venom of tension, bitterness, anger, and resentfulness – IF we let it.

BUT, if we choose to look at things through a new light, we can see how God is using those things to work in us and through us in our everyday lives.

For example, remember my spider incident? Well, God used that to show me that He is faithful and will provide me with the strength and courage needed to accomplish whatever comes up. You see, had my husband been home when that horrid little thing came creeping out, I would have been in hysterics, jumping up onto the couch, hollering for him to come and “rescue me”. However, instead, God chose to wait until I was alone – on my own – at night – hours away from any close friends/family – to bring that spider into my life. God put me in a position where I had to make a choice: I could either be afraid and let the spider paralyze me and just give it free reign in the house, which would leave me in constant fear and paranoia knowing it was there, OR, I could be afraid and trust in the peace that He always gives, and lean on Him to give me the courage I need to “squoosh” the thing. 

I have two young children – a 2 year old and a 1 year old. Our 2 year old son is very close with his Daddy, and he was handling this very long deployment well, up until his Daddy came home for 2 weeks on Leave then had to leave again. Since then, our son has been acting out and showing some extreme signs of separation anxiety. It has been very rough dealing with that, and there have been several moments where I feel as though I have just reached my limit when it comes to patience. There are some days where it’s as though all I do is discipline him, and those days are frustrating for both of us. But, God continually renews my strength, and in those moments when I am at my wits end, and the “spider” just seems to be too big to handle, He brings to mind all of the reasons why I love our son so much…

Also during this deployment, our 1 year old daughter began having seizures. About 4 months ago, at 9 months old, she had the first of about 20 seizures. She has been in and out of the ER, hospitals, doctor’s offices. She has seen/is seeing specialists, and has undergone countless tests trying to figure out why she suddenly developed this condition. So far, all we have is more questions… This has been yet another “spider” – one of the scariest. I have had many moments of just completely breaking down. But, every time, God renews my strength with His. He gives me peace in the anxiety, and He reminds me that His hand is in this. He is in control, even when I don’t understand. When this started, I felt so scared and frustrated, and I wanted so much for my husband to be here because there is just something about having your spouse with you that gives you comfort in difficult situations…

But, instead, my husband was on yet another deployment, and there I was – here I am – frightened, clueless, and on the verge of feeling completely overwhelmed, when God brought my focus back to Him. Throughout the past few months, God has revealed Himself to me in so many ways. He has re-taught me how to rely on Him, rather than on people. He has helped me to grow in so many ways over the past few months: In maturity, in knowledge, and in some ways, understanding. Though I still have SO many questions and such a lack of knowledge regarding so many things, He has given me peace and comfort in knowing that He knows. He has increased my faith SO much.

The list of “spiders” that have come out of the woodwork, just since my husband deployed, is so long it seems like (i.e. The day after he left, the pipes busted in our house and flooded our downstairs; our garage door broke and wouldn’t open/close; my best friend moved away; my closest uncle died from cancer; our daughter began having seizures; our son fell out of an exersaucer and about broke his nose; someone broke into our house while we were home; our town flooded badly – we’re around Atlanta and were in all that flooding that went on in September; I found out I have a [minor] heart condition; ex-girlfriends/boyfriends of my husband’s and mine tried quite forcefully to cause problems within our marriage – unsuccessfully of course; not to mention, the whole “I have spiders in my house” thing, etc…) My point is that, through all of those things, God was there. He was right there with me. He was my encourager, my comfort, my strength. He held my hand through the hard things, and shared my joy through the good. When my heart was heavy, He held me, and showed me that He is there; He cares, and most of all, that He will sustain me. He will get me through.

My husband is the closest person on this earth to me. He is my #1 best friend, my love. But, God… God is my Rock. He is my everything. By using all of these “spiders” in my life, God has taught me that relying on other people will always leave me unfulfilled. There will always be something lacking, and I will always have to deal with disappointment, because even those closest to us, even those who love and care for us deeply, even those who promise to always be there for us… they will let us down. At some point, it will happen because they – we – are only human. Our spouses might promise to always be there, but what happens when they can’t be because of deployments or other duties? Their absence / inability to fulfill their promise can leave us feeling hurt, empty, dissatisfied, etc… but God is ALWAYS there. He never breaks His promises. He always has time for us because we are His most important and most treasured job. (Not that our husbands’ don’t treasure us, but they still cannot always be there). God will never leave us feeling empty or hurt or disappointed because His ways, His plans are far better than we could ever imagine. And, even when things don’t go exactly as we think they should, God will give us peace about it because His Word tells us “For God is not the spirit of fear, but of power of love, and of a sound mind.” He is not the author of confusion. God will always make things clear for us. He will always clearly show us His will, and then once we know what His will is, He allows us to choose whether to go along with it, or to act against it. No matter what we choose, He still loves us unconditionally.

So, the next time you are faced with one of life’s many  “spiders”, try not to let the venom spread throughout your life, and instead, take a moment to step back, look around, and ask God what it is He’s trying to teach you. Pray and ask Him to be the vaccine that will heal you, make you stronger, and help you grow into the person He created you to be.

The Wives Who Wait

Twas the night before Christmas
And there all alone
I saw a young woman
Who sat by the phone

For what was she waiting
On this holiday night
Where were the stockings
Christmas tree, lights?

I saw one little tear
As it rolled down her face
And she curled up in a blanket
Then looked round the place

Something was missing
Someone not here
In her face I saw sadness
Did I also see fear?

I paused and I wondered
What could it be?
That would cause a young woman
To look so lonely

How could anyone so precious
Choose such a life?
Then I realized this woman
Was a soldiers wife.

Her gift for this Christmas
Is to hear that phone ring
“Hey baby, I miss you
Don’t worry about a thing”

Each day I thank God for the soldiers that serve
Ever willing to fight and lay down his life
But how often do I ever remember think
About the young woman who is that soldier's wife

Thank you God for these women
They are just as strong
They sacrifice daily
And without help get along

So God please protect our soldiers
On this holiday eve so late
And give an extra hug
To their wives who wait

(written by Jeannie Lining, my mom, during OEF deployment 2008)

My children and I have recently had the privilege & blessing of spending several weeks with my cousins-in-law. Throughout the last two weeks or so of our stay, our twelve-year-old cousin, Josh, and I sort of battled it out between surprise attack tickling/wrestling matches (initiated by Josh) and ice fights (presumably where he would daily put large pieces of ice down my back at the most unexpected and inopportune moments!)

So, I began planning my counter attack. I just let the wheels turn, and gave no sign of what I was thinking. Once I came up with a plan, however, I did give him a simple warning: “I’ll get you back; don’t worry. It’s coming, and it will be good, and it will be unexpected.” Daily, Josh would ask me countless times what I was up to. He would smugly remind me, “You still haven’t gotten me yet”, but as the days wore on, I could see him relax, thinking I’d forgotten all about my plan for revenge. Little did he know…

I set my alarm for VERY early on my last morning there. When it went off, I got up and began filling a large pitcher full of very cold ice water. Josh’s parents, Cam & Marilyn, and his sister, Jessie, all knew what was coming (I’d asked their permission to do this ahead of time), so they got up with me (Apparently, Josh is quite the prankster, so they wanted to see him put in his place as well, haha). We snuck quietly into Josh’s dark room, and I tiptoed over to his bed where he was sleeping so soundly, bundled up in his nice, warm, cozy blanket. Jessie had the camera rolling, and Cam was in charge of the lights, so I pulled back the covers slightly, careful not to pull them all the way off ~ we didn’t want him to wake up too soon ~ and whispered, “Turn on the light”… Suddenly, the room was lit up, bright and almost blinding, when I ripped the rest of the covers back and doused Josh in the icy water! He awoke startled and screaming, scared and shocked, unsure of what was happening. It took him a minute or two to calm down, as Marilyn sat on the dry corner of his bed quietly telling him, “Josh, it’s ok. It’s us. We’re here” as he sat there trembling with teary eyes as he began to realize what had happened.

I realized something myself this morning… This is often how Satan works in our lives. See, Satan does not know all things as God does, so he has to use other methods to get to us. He observes us and he learns what and where our weaknesses are, as well as our strengths. He studies us as intricately as necessary, in order to figure out the best way to get at us… the best way to trip us up, and when he figures that out, he keeps at it, mercilessly trying to succeed in hindering, and even stopping, our walk with God.

Sometimes, he (Satan) will lash out as Josh did. He will plan surprise attacks that can come out of the blue, sometimes knocking us down, other times, we are able to fend them off fairly easily. Sometimes, we see them coming, or even if we don’t see them or know exactly when they’re coming, we are alert because we do know they could happen at any moment, so we keep our guard up and say, “Get thee behind me Satan” (Mark 8:33).

Then, there are those times when we let our guard down. We either haven’t been attacked much lately, or we’ve had no problem fending off the attacks, so we gradually become complacent, even proud or smug, in a way, and we forget that, at any moment, an attack could come and if we aren’t ready for it, we could lose the battle.

Though Josh and I were just playing a game, it’s just like my strategic early morning attack on him. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten about him; instead, I was waiting for the right moment to “attack”. I had to wait until he was not on guard, and would not be able to do any change-ups on me, possibly deterring my plan of action.

Satan does that same thing. Sometimes, he will step back, he will sit, and wait, and watch, allowing us to “recover”, thinking that we have “finally succeeded” in fending him off for good; he lets us think that we are so good that he couldn’t possibly get one over on us. He leaves things alone, allowing us to not only enjoy, but get used to, how good (by our standards) things are. He gives us just enough time to “forget” (or at least, put on the back burner) all of those little attacks from before… And as he waits, he is planning something major; something that will hopefully (in his eyes) shake us to our core. He will choose just the right moment, when we are complacent, unexpecting, and as unprepared as possible, and he will attack, without warning, without concern, without mercy. He will do whatever he can to leave us shaken, feeling helpless and unprotected, scared and alone.

But in those times, God is there. Even when we fall under attack, God is right there beside us. He knew ahead of time what was coming, even when we did not. In fact, just as I went to Cam and Marilyn for permission before launching my surprise attack on Josh, Satan must go to God for permission before he can do anything to us (i.e. Job 1). God “will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews  13:5), and just as Marilyn sat by Josh on his icy, wet bedside, God is by our side saying, “It’s ok, I’m right here.” It’s just a matter of listening to Him. You see, when those attacks come, we have a choice to make: we can either get caught up in the moment of the battle, and find ourselves lost in the minefield Satan has set before us, OR… we can choose to keep our eyes on Jesus. We can choose to “be still, and know that [He is] God” (Psalm 46:10). When the battle is raging around us, and we are disoriented, unsure of what to do, not knowing what is coming, or even, at times, what is happening all around us, and we feel completely shaken to our core, we can focus on that “still small voice” (I Kings 19:11-13). You see, as the battles ~ the winds and the rains, the earthquakes and fires ~ rage around us in our lives, God is there. He is not in those things, but He is in us, His children, and if we listen with our hearts, we will hear his “still small voice”, reminding us that “it’s ok” because He is there, and we are His.

I believe that many times, God allows Satan to attack us in our lives in order to bring us closer to Him (God). Sometimes, we get so caught up in everything else, that we forget about His “still small voice”, just as Josh didn’t hear my whisper in his room, and we tune it out… When we stop listening to God in the small ways, He uses/allows bigger things to get our attention. It’s like the refiner’s fire: sometimes, we have to go through the fire to burn away all that extra “stuff” that builds up, gradually blocking our view of God, separating us from Him, and His hand in our lives. In order to get rid of all the junk, all the little things that we hold on to that keep us from seeing Him and hinder us from walking with Him regularly, He has to allow it to be burned away. It’s not always easy or fun or pleasant; sometimes, it’s shocking, and painful, and hard. But in the end, it’s what is best for us because it puts us in our place ~ in the place and the condition that God wants us to be in.

So, the next time you find yourself under attack – expected or not – keep your focus on God. Remember that He will only allow these attacks if there is a good purpose for it. James 4:8 says, “Draw close to God and He will draw close to you”… take heed of that and draw yourself close to Christ Jesus, the King of Glory (Colossians), and let Him strengthen your faith. Let Him lead you to victory. Don’t forget that the war is already won; we are just making our way back across the battlefield, and Satan is there, throwing fits of anger and fury, refusing to accept The Truth.

But, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test,

he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him"... ~

James 1:12. I'm praying tonight for God's strength in overcoming the trials and

temptations that seem to crowd their way into our daily lives. May we choose to trust in

and rely on Him, Christ Jesus, the King of Glory, for He will see us through. He is there,

right beside us, just waiting for us to acknowledge Him and let Him lead us to victory.

*Warning: Before reading this article, please remember these thoughts are only the thoughts of Patti Katter and her thoughts do not reflect the thoughts of every military wife in the world... just quite a few of them. ;)

It's so easy to look at the downside of deployment.  Deployments can be like a lemon.  The outside of a lemon is bitter and the inside is sour, not much good about that unless you use something to sweeten it up!

Dreading deployment is very common.  I've never met a woman or her military man that did not dread deployment. 

Quite a few wives have told me that weeks before deployment their husbands become distant to them.  A wall begins to form in their marriage.  Civilians may not understand, and if you are military and have not yet been through deployment you may not quite understand.... but the majority of our CMW members do understand due to multiple deployments, and they understand all too well.  

Not all marriages have difficult times before deployments, there may be that woman someplace in the world that is not effected.  I have yet to meet one.  If you are that woman, PLEASE let me know who you are - I would love to meet you! =-)

Pre-Deployment:
Just when you think husbands and wives would grow closer to one another, knowing that many months will go by until they see their loved ones again... something happens. Kah-Pow! The world spins out of control and one of three things happen.

1.  The words stop, your husband feels like its better to stop "being attached" to you - just "incase" something happens to him - you won't miss him as much.

2.  Arguing kicks in along with frustration.  Your husband may think, "if I am a big jerk to her... she will not be so sad if something happens to me."

3.  With the frustration your husband is going through, and his work-load he may not even realise he is releasing his frustrations out on you.

And do you know what? I think many wives go along with the first two scenarios.  As a wife, you may be afraid something horrible is going to happen to your husband at some point in the deployment.

I think it must be a built in defense mechanism our minds use to rationalise things.  I think its a wrong defense mechanism  though.  I know it's not Godly thinking at all... that's where it comes to play that we are all sinners - if we were all perfect we would not have sinful thoughts.

As a military wife, I understand how we "military wives" think.  We like to be in charge of things.  If you think about it, we are pretty much in charge of everything.  Paying bills, making sure the oil is changed in the car, grocery shopping, maybe holding an outside job, taking care of the kids and the list goes on.  The fact is, we are a take charge type of person.

We like to be in charge of our thoughts, our emotions and that includes the safe return of our husbands.  When being forced to really think about it, we cannot be in charge of our husbands safe return.  No one really can... and, that can be scary. 

We don't like to think about things, let along talk about these things.  I mean, what wife in her right mind would tell her husband that she's afraid he may not make it home?!   Not this wife.  I would never tell my husband such a thing, especially before he went off to fight the enemy.  It's an unspoken thought... it's scary and there's only one who we can really take it to and that is Jesus Christ.

God is there for us in all times.  When we are alone, when we are afraid... God is there.  God knows our thoughts and our hearts.  It's so easy to take the frustration of deployment out on our husbands, but that is just not fair to them.  Our husbands are brave, they are ensuring our freedom, they are doing their job.  Our husbands also have internal battles that makes it very difficult to talk about things before they leave for war. 

Your husband is married to you for a reason, he loves you.  I'm sure your husband has thoughts inside of his head that he feels like he cannot talk to you about, just as you have things you don't want to burden him with before he leaves.

Here are a few ways to keep your mind busy before your husband leaves for his deployment.  I find that keeping my head clear and keeping busy with productive projects are very helpful, and these tips will help sweeten up that lemon mentality.

1.  Write love notes, and hide them in your husbands luggage so when he gets where he is going... he will have quite a bit of literature to read. ;)

2.  Keep a prayer journal, I cannot stress this enough! When having your sour and sometimes bitter days - fill your prayer journal pages with prayers for your husband.

3.  Talk to other women in your area, find a Christian based support group.

4.  Talk to God, He's always there - He's your best friend.

5.  Be still, listen to the Lord speak to you... He will comfort you.

Don't let your sour, bitter thoughts get in the way of your relationship with Christ or your husband.  Don't let pre-deployment jitters get you down! You are armed with something that non-Christians do not have.  You have God on your side, "if God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Our actions fuel our husbands actions, if we can remain calm in Christ - and your husband can see that... it will make for a much better pre-deployment time on the homefront. 

I am lifting all of the wives up in prayer who have husbands that are getting ready to deploy.  May you allow the Lord to use this experience in your life to allow you to grow closer to Christ.  Please always remember you can go to the Prayer Warrior group and post prayer requests.  You can also always email me with any questions or comments you may have.

In Christ,
Patti Katter

Over the past six months, I have personally heard women talking about the problems in their marriages. I’ve heard stories of husbands being emotionally or physically unfaithful, husbands getting drunk, husbands struggling with pornography, and husbands giving up on their Christian faith. These women who find themselves having serious marital problems have all be Christian military wives, “wives of faith.”

Perhaps you are a woman just like these. Or maybe you are a wife in a hard spot, not because of your husband, but because of yourself. Maybe you are struggling with resentment towards your husband because he is gone all the time. Maybe you feel like raising your children alone and being “abandoned” away from everything familiar isn’t the life you bargained for when you married that special man. Perhaps you are feeling “out of love,” or even being tempted with unfaithfulness yourself.

A lot could be said on the subject of the demise of Christian marriages. Prayer, selflessness, love, compassion, and good communication are all strongly lacking in most marriages. But as I thought on this subject and the difficulties I have faced in my own marriage, I have realized that probably the biggest thing lacking in marriages is FAITH.

I can almost hear you...a short scoff and the perhaps cynically-tinted question: “Faith? In what?!?” Maybe it’s even followed by a question of despair... “What’s left to believe in?”

The most obvious answer would be faith in God, but I think that most Christian women already feel like they have that checked off their list. But how does having faith in God help a woman who is struggling with her marriage?

Hebrews 11:1 says: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

I think that most women would say that they hope for a good marriage, but when they look around, all they can see is the failed marriages around them, and the problem in their own marriages.

The problem here is that we are looking at what we CAN see, instead of looking to God.
Sometimes, I think that we view marriage like an 8-year-old views Santa. It’s something wonderful that makes her feel all cozy and gives her good things. But her friends around her taunt her and test her faith. One tells her that her parents are really lying to her, while another tells her that she caught her own parents wrapping the presents. Still another tells her that believing that Santa could be responsible for all of those wonderful presents is really just stupid. The 8-year-old doesn’t want to let go of her belief...yet fears that giving up is only inevitable. I mean, it eventually happens to everyone, right?

The wonderful thing is that marriage isn’t like Santa. Marriage isn’t some man-made hoax that eventually HAS to end in failure. This is where faith in God comes in.

First, we need to have faith in the all-wise, all-powerful God who created marriage. Marriage was flawless in its design, and made for God’s pleasure. Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. (Revelation 4:11)

God created marriage, and blessed it. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it... (Genesis 1:27-28) God created marriage with a glorious purpose.  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:23-24)


God created marriage to last. I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. (Ecclesiastes 3:14) But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mark 10:6-9)

Despite modern trends and the countless failed marriages we see around us, if we truly recognized God’s design for marriage by its very creation, and the beauty in marriage, I think we would be much less hasty to give up on marriage so quickly.

Second, we need to have faith in the God who has power to make your marriage what it needs to be. Despite the circumstances you are facing, or how horrible your husband is to you, or how quickly you rushed into your marriage, the truth remains that you are married. You took a vow, and you promised. In the eyes of God, you are one flesh. It is your responsibility before God to be a good wife, to be a Godly woman, to be a “wife of faith” through whom God can work.

Probably the best marriage advice I ever heard was given to me in the form of two questions. The first question was this: “Do you believe that God has the power to fix your marriage?”

It’s a question only you can answer. It’s a question that goes to the heart of the issue...your faith. Your faith in the God who created marriage...your faith in His ability to change the heart of individuals.

The second question is, “Will you let him?”

This is where your faith takes action. I think that what happens is that so many woman quickly say “oh yes! God can fix my marriage. Please God fix my marriage!” and yet still live their lives contrary to His design. For God to work, He needs you to follow His design for marriage, to fulfill your God-given roles as a wife of faith. How can God work if you are being disrespectful and disobedient to your husband? How can he work if you are still trying to control everything instead of letting your husband lead? Maybe it’s as simple as getting out of the way. Stop trying to fix your husband, your marriage. Stop nagging and fighting, and start praying. Take your hands off of your life, and place your marriage in God’s hands...it’s probably safer there. Worry about following God, doing what He says about marriage, and let Him take care of the rest.

Have faith. Faith in God who created marriage, and faith that He has the power to make your marriage successful. Be a good and Godly wife. Do right. Be a wife of faith.
Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (Philippians 1:6)

Don't ya just love when God sends you a message that is so completely obvious you can't possibly miss it?  Like when you are in church and the pastor says EXACTLY what you were needing to hear at that very moment.  Or when you are talking to friends and just out of the blue one of them says something that is perfect for a situation you may be dealing with and your friend didn't even know.  This has happened to me several times recently.  One of those things happened just today.  Ironically, it's completely related to this subject too!   I know it's great when God gives us these obvious answers to what is plaguing us...but what about when God gives us the answers we don't want to hear.  You know the ones where we ask and ask and then tell him what WE want and in return we get the same answer over and over and it was NOT the answer we were wanting.  God just keeps giving it to us again and again.  We fight it and fight it.  We try every other possible solution, only to end up right back where we started.  It's a lot like when our own kids are wanting something from us and we tell them "sure, after you do your chores".  They do everything they can think of to get what they want EXCEPT their chores.  It's not really getting them anywhere.  Just like it doesn't get us anywhere.  Of course, just like we expect nothing else from our kids, God expects nothing else from us.  We are his children after all.  We do the same stuff relating to him that our children do when relating to us.  We always wonder why our kids don't just do it right the first time.  Why don't they just do what they are asked the first time?  Why don't we?  We are all human.  We all have our flaws and problems.  At the same time, though, we need to remember He is our Father.  He wants us to listen to him just as we want our kids to listen to us.  He tells us the same thing over and over because He is the Lord of ALL!  He knows FAR more than we know.  He's our Lord and our savior and our ever present help in times of trouble.  He is right there with us where ever we go.  He wants us to be still and know that HE is God.  He will be exalted among the nations and in the earth.  Psalm 46 tells us over and over how he takes care of us and assures us that the God of Jacob is our God and is with us.  All we need to do is listen to Him.

I cannot go throughout this Christmas season without mentioning how greatful I am that I get to spend my favorite and most precious holiday with the one who means the most to me...my husband. Having gone through multiple holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries without him, it means so much more to me that he is home this year! There isn't any way I can completely express my emotions and my thankfulness for this, but I have tried in "the makings of a song." I meant to work on this more in the last week but I just haven't found the time. The song does have a tune but nothing I can share yet, so right now the lyrics will have to do. I hope that this song will be a blessing to EVERY military wife, whether her husband be home or far away this Christmas.

Last year the war took you so far away

You were serving your country on Christmas Day

I stayed behind and sent Christmas to you

Apart once again, we tried to make do

Chorus:

But you were close to my heart, near in my thoughts

Our love grows stronger, no matter what

Each year that passes, I simply recall

Having you in my life is the best gift of all

 

This year you're home and I'm happy to say

That we'll be together on Christmas day

I'm wrapped in your arms and our gifts we can share

Time spent with you is a treasure most rare

Chorus:

And you are close to my heart, near in my thoughts

Our love grows stronger, no matter what

Each year that passes, I simply recall

Having you in my life is the best gift of all

 

Next year we aren't guaranteed Christmas day

You could be home or be so far away

We'll snuggle and laugh, or just try to make do

I'll kiss you, or miss you, but this much is true:

Chorus:

You'll be close to my heart, near in my thoughts

Our love will grow stronger, no matter what

Each year that passes, I'll simply recall

Having you in my life is the best gift of all