Jan
21st
Married To Someone With PTSD?
By Patti
Recently, I have had an influx of women sending emails to me asking if I have any information to help them cope with a husband who has PTSD.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Patti... my husband has PTSD.
PTSD is not something our men like to talk about. It's not something we as wives want to think about either. But, the truth is there are many military men coming back from deployment only to face a mental war inside themselves.
First and foremost, let me say... PTSD is not something you should be ashamed of. If you think you have PTSD, or your husband has PTSD, it is very important that you go and find help. The military offers free counseling for those who need it.
I understand that some may not want to go on post for counseling. There's another great resource out there... Give An Hour. Give An Hour is a private organization that offers not only free counseling, but confidential counseling.
Not only does PTSD effect our military men, but it effects families and can effect friendships. If you suspect your husband has PTSD and he will not admit it, you should still consider seeking guidance for yourself.
The more you know about PTSD, the better you will be able to cope with someone who has PTSD. Many military wives have secondary PTSD.
Pattis Top 10 on living with a combat injured, PTSD Vet:
1. Seek Godly counsel
2. Educate yourself on PTSD; you can visit CNN Health, they offer an array of information on PTSD. You can also GOOGLE PTSD and many results will pop up in the search engine.
3. Learn what your husbands "triggers" are and how to defuse situations (example: anniversaries of difficult situations; death of commrads, extreme firefights etc). If you know it's the anniversary of something difficult your husband experienced while your husband was away, you may know why he's having an exceptionally bad day, week or sometimes even month.
4. Take care of yourself. For the past couple of years, I have let myself go to take care of my husband and his injuries. I am finally getting back on task when it comes to taking care of myself. It's been a long road, and if you can avoid going down the road I went down - trust me, it will be best for you! Exercise, eat right, try to sleep good. Its so easy to get wrapped up into worrying about your husband. If you don't take care of yourself, you will eventually crumble.
5. If your husband is also suffering from other mental conditions such as depression or self harm, allow them to feel the way they do - BUT - watch for warning signals that things may be getting worse so that you can help them by alerting a mental health team or doctor.
6. Don't be hard on yourself! Do not blame yourself for your husbands PTSD, do not think you "should have" done this or that. We all know that the horrific events of war are what caused your husbands PTSD, don't start questioning yourself.
7. Keep a journal or have a mentor you can "vent" to. As women, most of us are external processors. This means, we need to release so many words to express our feelings and emotions. You will feel better after releasing these thoughts/words. You can either keep a journal or talk with a mentor. Sometimes, as women - we just need to "get it all out."
8. Marriage counselling with someone who understands PTSD would be very benifical. I'm not saying this is going to "fix" your husbands PTSD, but it will hopefully allow you both an avenue to express yourselves on how you are both feeling, why you are feeling the way you do and what techniques may help you.
9. Find a PTSD support group in your area. If you cannot find a support group, maybe you will think about creating a support group yourself. There's a very big need for PTSD support groups, and it's always good to know you are not traveling down that road alone.
10. Don't be afraid to admit that you need help. There are resources, organizations, support groups, books and so much more that are out there to help. We should be very thankful these resources are in place for us in todays day and age.
Resourses I have found helpful are:
Family Of A Vet
--------------------
God bless you all,
Patti Katter
Let me introduce myself. My name is Patti... my husband has PTSD.
PTSD is not something our men like to talk about. It's not something we as wives want to think about either. But, the truth is there are many military men coming back from deployment only to face a mental war inside themselves.
First and foremost, let me say... PTSD is not something you should be ashamed of. If you think you have PTSD, or your husband has PTSD, it is very important that you go and find help. The military offers free counseling for those who need it.
I understand that some may not want to go on post for counseling. There's another great resource out there... Give An Hour. Give An Hour is a private organization that offers not only free counseling, but confidential counseling.
Not only does PTSD effect our military men, but it effects families and can effect friendships. If you suspect your husband has PTSD and he will not admit it, you should still consider seeking guidance for yourself.
The more you know about PTSD, the better you will be able to cope with someone who has PTSD. Many military wives have secondary PTSD.
Pattis Top 10 on living with a combat injured, PTSD Vet:
1. Seek Godly counsel
2. Educate yourself on PTSD; you can visit CNN Health, they offer an array of information on PTSD. You can also GOOGLE PTSD and many results will pop up in the search engine.
3. Learn what your husbands "triggers" are and how to defuse situations (example: anniversaries of difficult situations; death of commrads, extreme firefights etc). If you know it's the anniversary of something difficult your husband experienced while your husband was away, you may know why he's having an exceptionally bad day, week or sometimes even month.
4. Take care of yourself. For the past couple of years, I have let myself go to take care of my husband and his injuries. I am finally getting back on task when it comes to taking care of myself. It's been a long road, and if you can avoid going down the road I went down - trust me, it will be best for you! Exercise, eat right, try to sleep good. Its so easy to get wrapped up into worrying about your husband. If you don't take care of yourself, you will eventually crumble.
5. If your husband is also suffering from other mental conditions such as depression or self harm, allow them to feel the way they do - BUT - watch for warning signals that things may be getting worse so that you can help them by alerting a mental health team or doctor.
6. Don't be hard on yourself! Do not blame yourself for your husbands PTSD, do not think you "should have" done this or that. We all know that the horrific events of war are what caused your husbands PTSD, don't start questioning yourself.
7. Keep a journal or have a mentor you can "vent" to. As women, most of us are external processors. This means, we need to release so many words to express our feelings and emotions. You will feel better after releasing these thoughts/words. You can either keep a journal or talk with a mentor. Sometimes, as women - we just need to "get it all out."
8. Marriage counselling with someone who understands PTSD would be very benifical. I'm not saying this is going to "fix" your husbands PTSD, but it will hopefully allow you both an avenue to express yourselves on how you are both feeling, why you are feeling the way you do and what techniques may help you.
9. Find a PTSD support group in your area. If you cannot find a support group, maybe you will think about creating a support group yourself. There's a very big need for PTSD support groups, and it's always good to know you are not traveling down that road alone.
10. Don't be afraid to admit that you need help. There are resources, organizations, support groups, books and so much more that are out there to help. We should be very thankful these resources are in place for us in todays day and age.
Resourses I have found helpful are:
Family Of A Vet--------------------
God bless you all,
Patti Katter
Dec
24th
Christian Based Injured Soldier Support Group Comes To Bragg Area
By Patti
A much needed Christian based ISSG (Injured Soldier Support Group) will be coming to Fayetteville to service military soldiers and their families in January, 2010. Were you injured in war? Do you have PTSD? Are you married to an injured soldier or someone dealing with combat PTSD? Please join us at The Healthplex every other Friday evening in a truly supportive, confidential, Christian environment. We will supply refreshments and periodic guest speakers. Single soldiers and married couples welcome. Email patti@christianmilitarywives.com for more information.
Meeting Time: Every other Friday from 6-8pm beginning January 8, 2010
Meet location: The Healthplex on Skibo Road
Childcare – Yes - $3 per first child $2 per additional child
Oct
21st
Free Dog Tag & ID Card To TBI Vets
By Patti
AVBI is providing a medical alert dog tag and a tri-fold credit-card sized identity card in a small carrying case, to American Veterans who have suffered brain injuries. For veterans who may be r endered helpless due to seizure or other medical condition(s); the dog tag will alert medical personal to the identity card for further information. The identity card not only contains medical conditions and pertinent information; it lists common impairments and can be used to help a brain injured veteran better communicate their difficulties, particularly in times of stress.
Veteran's who have suffered a brain injury (or a family member) are encouraged to APPLY NOW for an AVBI ID. Please fill out the on-line application and then submit.* Once we receive the application we will mail to the veteran, FREE of charge; 1 medical alert dog tag w/chain and a tri-fold card in a clear plastic pouch (pictured below).*If you have any questions or difficulty filling out the application email AVBI.
Sep
15th
Secondary PTSD
By Patti
This information is from the website, FamilyOfAVet. FOAV was started by the proud wife of an OIF Veteran who suffers from PTSD.
Secondary PTSD is not a disorder which is recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (as of the fourth edition). However, if you lived with someone who suffers from PTSD, you may notice yourself beginning to "mirror" some of their behaviors. This transformation is called Secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
You'll find often throughout this site that I reference a "wise Vietnam Veteran's wife" - that wonderful lady, who is the founder of the Vietnam Veteran Wives organization, was the first to tell me about secondary PTSD. Until that point, I really just thought I might be having a nervous breakdown. The signs, symptoms, and effects of Secondary PTSD are just as varied as the ones exhibited by Veterans with "primary" PTSD. It really is hard to explain, unless you've lived it. However, I'm going to try!
Basically, when you're living with a veteran who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you become his (or her) caretaker. You slip into a role, without even noticing it, that has you constantly watching for people or circumstances that might "set him off." You're trying to make sure everything stays in line - that nothing aggravates or upsets your vet - that everything is "perfect." Despite your best efforts, you're still getting screamed at and berated by the person you're trying to help on a much too frequent basis. Your vet is not emotionally "there" for you. When you're upset or happy, angry or sad, you have to deal with your emotions on your own. You begin to feel ignored and unloved and start "protecting" yourself by treating others - especially your vet - the same way. You're also probably handling all household chores, childcare, financial management, etc. You get no help (or very little) from your spouse. You're the cook, chauffeur, secretary, accountant, yard guy, child care provider, laundry service, etc., etc., etc. Everything in your family feels like it's up to you. It is a 24x7 job at which you constantly fail. It's not humanly possible to do everything - or to prevent PTSD from creeping in. This cycle takes its toll on many spouses. You lose yourself. It's impossible to tiptoe around your vet, day in and day out, while taking care of all of life's other duties (duties normally shared between two people), without feeling the strain. And that strain soon transforms into... ta da... Secondary PTSD. Secondary PTSD may make you feel overly angry, depressed, exhausted (but, alas, unable to sleep), overwhelmed, and just plain unhappy with the world around you. I can honestly say there have been times when I found the idea of folding a load of laundry absolutely impossible. I felt like I could not do anything right. I cried a lot and was really, REALLY pissed at the world. What to do if you think you have Secondary PTSD... Unfortunately, one of the reasons we started this website is there aren't a lot of resources available for family and friends of veterans who are suffering from PTSD. There are a number of counseling options available (for free) to veterans, but spouses and children are pretty much left out in the cold.
If you can afford to seek counseling on your own, it may be a good idea. However, you should look carefully for a counselor who has experience dealing with veterans and their family members. Normal, "civilian" counselors may try their best to understand, but it's like trying to explain the military way of life to someone who has never lived it... it's almost impossible. If you can't afford private counseling or can't find someone with the right background, there are still several things you can do on your own. Try the following recommendations to see which work best for you...
Carve out time for yourself - I know from experience that this is easier said than done. But, simply giving yourself a few minutes a day to read, take a walk, enjoy a bubble bath, or do anything else that you enjoy, will make a difference. Find someone to talk to - Ideally, you should talk to a fellow vet spouse. Again, it goes back to the difficulties involved in trying to explain what you're dealing with to anyone who hasn't "walked the walk." Most importantly, though, you should talk to a friend who is a good listener and isn't judgmental. You're going to need to be able to express how you're feeling without worrying about whether or not they're going to think you are a "bad" person. (Living with a spouse who has post traumatic stress disorder doesn't always bring out the "pretty" side of a person.)
There are several websites, etc., for vet spouses. My favorite is the Vietnam Veteran Wives (VVW) site and organization. I've joined the group and started working with them on their online forum. It's a great way to find other spouses of veterans with PTSD.
Give yourself permission to be less than perfect for a while - A family who is adjusting to a post-combat, PTSD world, is experiencing a crisis. It's not pretty. It's not nice. And it may zap your physical and mental strength like nothing you've ever experienced. That may mean your house is messy, you're not great at returning calls, remembering birthdays, etc., etc., etc. I'm not saying you should turn into an inconsiderate slob forever. But, I am saying you've got to be willing to admit you may not be at "the top of your game" for a while. That's okay!
Get involved - Find something that lets you help other people. Sometimes the simple act of putting yourself and your own troubles aside to help someone else can help you shift your focus. Learn to count to 10 (or 20... or 30) - Many spouses with secondary PTSD find themselves getting angry at small, insignificant things. You may find that you have little or no patience with your spouse or children. First, hopefully it will make you feel a little better to know that this is "normal." Second, learn how you "feel" when you begin to lose control (your ears may ring, you may begin to fidget, or tap your foot, etc.). Knowing these signs can let you catch your anger before it's out of control. As soon as you start to feel them, stop, take a few deep breaths, and count slowly to yourself until you start to settle down. Counseling available at VA Vet Centers for spouses... The Veterans Administration is currently operating 207 "Vet Centers" throughout the United States, Guam, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. These centers are designed to provide counseling and support for combat veterans. The description of the centers on the VA website, which says, "Services are also available for their family members for military related issues.
Veterans have earned these benefits through their service and all are provided at no cost to the veteran or family," is a little misleading, though. Spouses are only eligible for family therapy AND only when the combat veteran is classified as a "clinical patient" with the Vet Center. The Vet Centers qualify someone as a clinical patient only when they are (1) enrolled in the center, (2) actively receiving counseling, and (3) have been to at least 3 appointments. So, if you're interested in PTSD family therapy (marriage counseling), and you can get your hubby (or wife) to enroll for counseling, the centers are a great FREE resource. However, if you feel that you need individual counseling or your vet has refused to seek counseling, you're up a creek.
Don't get me wrong, the Vet Center that my husband is using is excellent, has a warm, friendly staff, and has been a great resource for him. I just REALLY disagree with the idea that family members cannot receive individual counseling and only qualify for services when a vet agrees to seek help. One of the hallmarks of vets with PTSD is they don't recognize they have a problem. This leaves the family out in the cold until the vet is ready to recognize his or her issues.
Secondary PTSD is not a disorder which is recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (as of the fourth edition). However, if you lived with someone who suffers from PTSD, you may notice yourself beginning to "mirror" some of their behaviors. This transformation is called Secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You'll find often throughout this site that I reference a "wise Vietnam Veteran's wife" - that wonderful lady, who is the founder of the Vietnam Veteran Wives organization, was the first to tell me about secondary PTSD. Until that point, I really just thought I might be having a nervous breakdown. The signs, symptoms, and effects of Secondary PTSD are just as varied as the ones exhibited by Veterans with "primary" PTSD. It really is hard to explain, unless you've lived it. However, I'm going to try!
Basically, when you're living with a veteran who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you become his (or her) caretaker. You slip into a role, without even noticing it, that has you constantly watching for people or circumstances that might "set him off." You're trying to make sure everything stays in line - that nothing aggravates or upsets your vet - that everything is "perfect." Despite your best efforts, you're still getting screamed at and berated by the person you're trying to help on a much too frequent basis. Your vet is not emotionally "there" for you. When you're upset or happy, angry or sad, you have to deal with your emotions on your own. You begin to feel ignored and unloved and start "protecting" yourself by treating others - especially your vet - the same way. You're also probably handling all household chores, childcare, financial management, etc. You get no help (or very little) from your spouse. You're the cook, chauffeur, secretary, accountant, yard guy, child care provider, laundry service, etc., etc., etc. Everything in your family feels like it's up to you. It is a 24x7 job at which you constantly fail. It's not humanly possible to do everything - or to prevent PTSD from creeping in. This cycle takes its toll on many spouses. You lose yourself. It's impossible to tiptoe around your vet, day in and day out, while taking care of all of life's other duties (duties normally shared between two people), without feeling the strain. And that strain soon transforms into... ta da... Secondary PTSD. Secondary PTSD may make you feel overly angry, depressed, exhausted (but, alas, unable to sleep), overwhelmed, and just plain unhappy with the world around you. I can honestly say there have been times when I found the idea of folding a load of laundry absolutely impossible. I felt like I could not do anything right. I cried a lot and was really, REALLY pissed at the world. What to do if you think you have Secondary PTSD... Unfortunately, one of the reasons we started this website is there aren't a lot of resources available for family and friends of veterans who are suffering from PTSD. There are a number of counseling options available (for free) to veterans, but spouses and children are pretty much left out in the cold.
If you can afford to seek counseling on your own, it may be a good idea. However, you should look carefully for a counselor who has experience dealing with veterans and their family members. Normal, "civilian" counselors may try their best to understand, but it's like trying to explain the military way of life to someone who has never lived it... it's almost impossible. If you can't afford private counseling or can't find someone with the right background, there are still several things you can do on your own. Try the following recommendations to see which work best for you...
Carve out time for yourself - I know from experience that this is easier said than done. But, simply giving yourself a few minutes a day to read, take a walk, enjoy a bubble bath, or do anything else that you enjoy, will make a difference. Find someone to talk to - Ideally, you should talk to a fellow vet spouse. Again, it goes back to the difficulties involved in trying to explain what you're dealing with to anyone who hasn't "walked the walk." Most importantly, though, you should talk to a friend who is a good listener and isn't judgmental. You're going to need to be able to express how you're feeling without worrying about whether or not they're going to think you are a "bad" person. (Living with a spouse who has post traumatic stress disorder doesn't always bring out the "pretty" side of a person.)
There are several websites, etc., for vet spouses. My favorite is the Vietnam Veteran Wives (VVW) site and organization. I've joined the group and started working with them on their online forum. It's a great way to find other spouses of veterans with PTSD.
Give yourself permission to be less than perfect for a while - A family who is adjusting to a post-combat, PTSD world, is experiencing a crisis. It's not pretty. It's not nice. And it may zap your physical and mental strength like nothing you've ever experienced. That may mean your house is messy, you're not great at returning calls, remembering birthdays, etc., etc., etc. I'm not saying you should turn into an inconsiderate slob forever. But, I am saying you've got to be willing to admit you may not be at "the top of your game" for a while. That's okay!
Get involved - Find something that lets you help other people. Sometimes the simple act of putting yourself and your own troubles aside to help someone else can help you shift your focus. Learn to count to 10 (or 20... or 30) - Many spouses with secondary PTSD find themselves getting angry at small, insignificant things. You may find that you have little or no patience with your spouse or children. First, hopefully it will make you feel a little better to know that this is "normal." Second, learn how you "feel" when you begin to lose control (your ears may ring, you may begin to fidget, or tap your foot, etc.). Knowing these signs can let you catch your anger before it's out of control. As soon as you start to feel them, stop, take a few deep breaths, and count slowly to yourself until you start to settle down. Counseling available at VA Vet Centers for spouses... The Veterans Administration is currently operating 207 "Vet Centers" throughout the United States, Guam, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands. These centers are designed to provide counseling and support for combat veterans. The description of the centers on the VA website, which says, "Services are also available for their family members for military related issues.
Veterans have earned these benefits through their service and all are provided at no cost to the veteran or family," is a little misleading, though. Spouses are only eligible for family therapy AND only when the combat veteran is classified as a "clinical patient" with the Vet Center. The Vet Centers qualify someone as a clinical patient only when they are (1) enrolled in the center, (2) actively receiving counseling, and (3) have been to at least 3 appointments. So, if you're interested in PTSD family therapy (marriage counseling), and you can get your hubby (or wife) to enroll for counseling, the centers are a great FREE resource. However, if you feel that you need individual counseling or your vet has refused to seek counseling, you're up a creek.
Don't get me wrong, the Vet Center that my husband is using is excellent, has a warm, friendly staff, and has been a great resource for him. I just REALLY disagree with the idea that family members cannot receive individual counseling and only qualify for services when a vet agrees to seek help. One of the hallmarks of vets with PTSD is they don't recognize they have a problem. This leaves the family out in the cold until the vet is ready to recognize his or her issues.
Sep
14th
PTSDHealing.org
By Patti
Today, Military Times published an article about PTSD. You can read Living With PTSD by clicking HERE. As more and more time goes by since the war on terror started, we are learning more about PTSD.
Military Ministry has an outreach for military families dealing with PTSD.
The following is from PTSDHealing.org - a resource provided by Military Ministry.
Military Ministry has an outreach for military families dealing with PTSD.
The following is from PTSDHealing.org - a resource provided by Military Ministry.
When a soldier is wounded, the family
and community also are wounded.
Michael Wagner, Ph.D.
Walter Reed Army Medical Center
What is PTSD?
In 1980, the American Psychiatric Association officially named and defined the results of traumatic experience as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD. …PTSD is not a mental illness. PTSD…is a reaction to the extreme stress people encounter during threats of danger…. The level of stress may hinder (them) in adjusting to civilian…life after the experiences.
Down Range: To Iraq and Back
Bridget C. Cantrell, Ph.D. and Chuck Dean
The Spiritual Challenge of PTSD
Our military members fight two wars – one on the battlefield…and one in their souls after they return home. For thousands of veterans and their families, despair has become an unwelcome, but constant companion.
Nearly 1 in 5 returnees from Iraq and Afghanistan will suffer from PTSD, and less than 40% of these will seek help. Their suicide rate is almost twice the national average, and 2 out of 3 of their marriages are failing.
How You Can Help
- You can be a bridge of healing. You don’t have to be a veteran, or a psychologist, or a pastor. Can you pray? Can you provide a meal? Can you reach out and be a friend? Can you listen to someone tell his or her painful story?
- There are many practical ways you and your church can become bridges of healing, bringing these wounded warriors closer to God, so that He can help them.
Learn more about this ministry:
- Email info@ptsdhealing.org
- Request a copy of the “Bridges to Healing” video
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