ChristianMilitaryWives

(Written by CMW member Megan Eskew)

It’s amazing how God makes Himself known – makes His presence felt… When you go looking for Him, asking for Him to wrap you up in His arms and surround you with His peace… He’s already there. He’s been there the whole time, waiting for you to seek Him.

⁹“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ¹⁰For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. (Luke 11:9-10)

⁷“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. (Matthew 7:7).

God does not say “seek, go over the mountain and through the woods, and then you will find…” No – He says “seek & you will find.” There is no “middle-man”, no catch, no hidden map. We will find God when we seek Him, because He is already there.

I have been earnestly seeking God – the need to feel His presence – since my heart left for the desert last night… I’ve never felt so empty & yet so full at the same time.

Obviously, I am an emotional roller-coaster – lack of sleep isn’t helping – however, I still feel peace. The second my mind begins to wander, and pulse begins to quicken, and the tears well up… God is there. Holding my hand. Wrapping His arms around me. Telling me it’s going to be okay. You see, God holds my husband’s heart. And so when Austin would hold me hand, it’s now God’s. When Austin would wrap His arms around me, it’s now God’s arms. And when Austin would tell me everything’s going to be ok, God reassures me through His Word.

The tears still fall, and the ache is still there where it will remain for the next 12 months. But Austin and I both know that God will take care of our hearts while we are apart. He has a plan for both of us, and will bring us through the fire to make us stronger, make us more like who He wants us to be. The closer we draw to Him, the closer we are to each other, and the closer we are to His heart & His will.

⁹ This third I will bring into the fire;
I will refine them like silver
and test them like gold.
They will call on my name
and I will answer them;
I will say, ‘They are my people,’
and they will say, ‘The LORD is our God.’ ” (Zechariah 13:9)

⁶In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. ⁷These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. ⁸Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, ⁹for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:6-8)

It is day one of this journey called deployment. There is a long, rigorous road ahead for Austin & I… but the One who made the rocks the road is made out of is our Guide. He is our horse to ride when we are weary and cannot walk anymore. He is our drink when our throats are parched. He is the hand that reaches out when we are about to fall. He is the firm foothold when the ground shakes. He is everything we need.

⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

²⁵“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life^[b]?

²⁸“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:25-34)

Living for today, remembering yesterday, and looking for tomorrow only when tomorrow comes.

I don’t focus on the “hardest day of my life” – dropping off my husband, not knowing where he will be, what he will be going through, when I will hear his voice again…. – because each day will be hard. There will be even more “hard days” ahead…. but I have peace.

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:6-9)

The bags were packed and loaded in the car… we sat on the couch in the living room, feeling unprepared all of the sudden. The moment seems bearable until you’re in it. We immediately went upstairs and kneeled beside the bed like we have done every night, and went before the Lord in prayer. We did not speak many words – just that Austin would be protected on all sides, from physical & spiritual warfare. To be kept safe & sane, and to be prepared for what each day might bring. For the opportunities Austin will have as the only medic for his platoon, as well as the challenges he will face. And to guard our hearts & minds from the attacks of satan – to keep us both strong, not of ourselves or our own power, but through God’s alone. And to keep us close to each other.

I am so beyond grateful for & blessed by our friends & family – the unending support & love that is extending to us. I could not be doing this without you. Already, God is using you to speak to me, and encourage me. Just a short comment from dear friends does wonders.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in my life – but my tears that begin from anxious thoughts, a worried mind, and a broken heart… fall with joy, peace, & comfort. Knowing that the God of the Universe who created Austin and gives him each breath is with him every step. He is planting his feet on solid ground, even when the world shakes. He is guiding his hands, healing through him, keeping him steady & even, even when the adrenaline is coursing. He is protecting his heart & mind in the midst of warfare. He is surrounding him with a Mighty Fortress.

The song, A Mighty Fortress keeps coming to me… beginning several months back, and again today through a dear friend posting a video on facebook. I did not remember the passage that this song is based off of, and went searching for it. Upon finding the verses, I remembered them vividly – the very verses that I had written on the inside of Austin’s ACU’s just days before. I will never cease to be amazed at how God loves me so much, that He will use little things in my life to remind me & encourage me.

¹ God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, ³ though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. ⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. ⁵ God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. ⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. (Psalm 46:1-7)

Day one. In my weakness, He is strong. A Mighty Fortress – a sacred refuge, unshakable.

¹ Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.

² He is my loving God and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
who subdues peoples ^[a] under me. (Psalm 144)

When I was in grade school, I used to go to my father's deli/coffee shop downtown in San Francisco afterschool. Sometimes, after my homework was done, I would go down the street to a bookstore called "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place for Books," and browse and read in the aisle for as long as I could before we went home. My mom bought me my first book on King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table there (which I still have), and I got hooked on my first Greek mythology there, getting lost in fantastic adventures while my parents closed up shop. That bookstore was a happy place for me, and though I don't have a lot of specific memories, I just remember going there and having peaceful, solitary moments where the wearying reality of life didn't intrude.

Last night, a guest pastor at our church spoke on weariness as the enemy's strategy to wear us down, make us lose our identity and sense of purpose. Weariness, as opposed to tiredness from a day of hard and productive work, is not alleviated by rest and a good night's sleep. Weariness is a battle for our minds so we cannot see where God's Word sustains us and guides us and we begin to trust our feelings more than God's faithfulness. This teaching brought some truth into focus for me and I was strangely reminded of that bookstore long ago.

Now, as a grown woman, I am better equipped to face the onslaught of everyday life: the needs of four children, a husband deploying yet again, friends in dire need, and family members dealing with their own trials. I don't need to go to a bookstore to find my peace...I can carry it with me now that I know my Lord more intimately. But when I don't invite Him in to my clean, well-lighted soul, and leave Him at the door, my soul darkens and my peace flees and weariness overruns my emotions. 

That happened during the first deployment which kept us apart for almost 2 1/2 years. I lost sight of God's promises and succumbed to the weariness agenda that made me lose hope and believe lies about my husband and myself. It was a dark and lonely time and it took the encouragement of friends who love me and mentors who set me straight as to the love and grace of Christ in my life. They served me and loved me and reminded gently and with their actions how God sees me and how God sees Steve. God even gave me my own bible passage that describes my husband when I prayed for one.

Now, my identity is wrapped up in the truth of who God is. Who I am doesn't matter so much, because feelings ebb and flow. But God, unchangeable, everlasting, full of goodness and mercy, HE is my peace, HE is my safety, and HE is my comfort. When I spend time with Him, in my closet, in my bed or on the couch with my kids, the light brightens, the calm magnifies, and hope envelopes us all. Then there is no room in my soul for the disarray of my fickle emotions and unreliable feelings. There is only room for Jesus, solid. And He goes with me everywhere and we have amazing adventures together!

~Nancy~

 

        Challenges for women come in many forms, especially when a spouse is deployed.  Sometimes they come in the form of illness – the children, you or even the pets can become ill and provide challenges for a spouse at home.  Sometimes, they come in the form of broken things – vehicles, appliances, toilets, the toy of a preschooler, the heart of a teenager or any other myriad of things can stop working as they were intended to function.  Sometimes those challenges can come in the form of little furry rodents called mice.

        When I first began to notice little holes in bags of food in my pantry, I wondered if I had picked up a damaged item at the commissary.  Then I noticed the little holes had jagged edges to them and the food inside the bags also had little jagged pieces missing.  Finally, I discovered little dark pellets around the pantry that let me know there were creatures having a party with my food every night and this time, they were not teenagers.  Mice!

        After cleaning and throwing away more food than I care to think about, I headed out to the store for some assistance.  I bought what looked to be fairly humane traps that would allow for the capture and disposal of mice without me ever having to touch or see them.  Carefully, I set the traps around, anxious to have my problems contained for easy disposal.  But the mice who had decided to party in my pantry apparently snickered behind their little whiskers at my vain attempts, and the traps remained undisturbed – unlike the food in my pantry.  I decided to replace the traps with packaged poison that was supposed to be very enticing to little rodents, but once again, my photo apparently ended up in the editorial section of “Mice Times” with the words “Who is she kidding?” under my picture.  My poison packages remained untouched, but I lost another bag of hot dog buns.  My father even gave me blocks of poison that had produced multiple dead rats around his bird feeders when he had a rodent problem, but every night the mice return to chew on the poison while none of them turn up dead, at least not in my house.  They just keep coming back for the party.

        So what is a woman to do?  I am so glad that you asked. 

        I honestly believe my mice are very symptomatic of so many other large and small challenges in my life and the lives of many women.  It really isn’t about the mice.  It rarely is about whatever challenge life may deal us at even given moment.  It is about my response.

        This is typical of my process when things in life are a struggle, though the order of events changes depending on where my heart is resting at the time.   I cry out to God, “Please deliver me!” I work very hard at finding my own answer.  I look to see God bring deliverance.  And here is the reality in my life – sometimes, deliverance from my challenge does not come. 

        So what does my response look like in those times?  What if my challenge continues, sometimes even increasing in difficulty?  Oh sweet sisters, I think so often God desires not to catch the mouse, but to calm the mouse catcher.  How often does my Father long for me not to know deliverance, but instead to know my Deliverer?  For in those days when I do not see deliverance from my challenge, I have an opportunity to know my Deliverer more deeply.  To seek His face.  To look for His strength.  To depend on His love. To be the place where I take refuge.

He is my loving God and my fortress,

My stronghold and my deliverer,

My shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.

Psalm 144:2 (NIV)

       

So what is your challenge today?  What are the mice in your pantry?  Do the heavens seem silent?  Are you weary in waiting for deliverance?  Stop.  Breathe deeply.  Know your Deliverer and take refuge in Him. 

*Warning: Before reading this article, please remember these thoughts are only the thoughts of Patti Katter and her thoughts do not reflect the thoughts of every military wife in the world... just quite a few of them. ;)

It's so easy to look at the downside of deployment.  Deployments can be like a lemon.  The outside of a lemon is bitter and the inside is sour, not much good about that unless you use something to sweeten it up!

Dreading deployment is very common.  I've never met a woman or her military man that did not dread deployment. 

Quite a few wives have told me that weeks before deployment their husbands become distant to them.  A wall begins to form in their marriage.  Civilians may not understand, and if you are military and have not yet been through deployment you may not quite understand.... but the majority of our CMW members do understand due to multiple deployments, and they understand all too well.  

Not all marriages have difficult times before deployments, there may be that woman someplace in the world that is not effected.  I have yet to meet one.  If you are that woman, PLEASE let me know who you are - I would love to meet you! =-)

Pre-Deployment:
Just when you think husbands and wives would grow closer to one another, knowing that many months will go by until they see their loved ones again... something happens. Kah-Pow! The world spins out of control and one of three things happen.

1.  The words stop, your husband feels like its better to stop "being attached" to you - just "incase" something happens to him - you won't miss him as much.

2.  Arguing kicks in along with frustration.  Your husband may think, "if I am a big jerk to her... she will not be so sad if something happens to me."

3.  With the frustration your husband is going through, and his work-load he may not even realise he is releasing his frustrations out on you.

And do you know what? I think many wives go along with the first two scenarios.  As a wife, you may be afraid something horrible is going to happen to your husband at some point in the deployment.

I think it must be a built in defense mechanism our minds use to rationalise things.  I think its a wrong defense mechanism  though.  I know it's not Godly thinking at all... that's where it comes to play that we are all sinners - if we were all perfect we would not have sinful thoughts.

As a military wife, I understand how we "military wives" think.  We like to be in charge of things.  If you think about it, we are pretty much in charge of everything.  Paying bills, making sure the oil is changed in the car, grocery shopping, maybe holding an outside job, taking care of the kids and the list goes on.  The fact is, we are a take charge type of person.

We like to be in charge of our thoughts, our emotions and that includes the safe return of our husbands.  When being forced to really think about it, we cannot be in charge of our husbands safe return.  No one really can... and, that can be scary. 

We don't like to think about things, let along talk about these things.  I mean, what wife in her right mind would tell her husband that she's afraid he may not make it home?!   Not this wife.  I would never tell my husband such a thing, especially before he went off to fight the enemy.  It's an unspoken thought... it's scary and there's only one who we can really take it to and that is Jesus Christ.

God is there for us in all times.  When we are alone, when we are afraid... God is there.  God knows our thoughts and our hearts.  It's so easy to take the frustration of deployment out on our husbands, but that is just not fair to them.  Our husbands are brave, they are ensuring our freedom, they are doing their job.  Our husbands also have internal battles that makes it very difficult to talk about things before they leave for war. 

Your husband is married to you for a reason, he loves you.  I'm sure your husband has thoughts inside of his head that he feels like he cannot talk to you about, just as you have things you don't want to burden him with before he leaves.

Here are a few ways to keep your mind busy before your husband leaves for his deployment.  I find that keeping my head clear and keeping busy with productive projects are very helpful, and these tips will help sweeten up that lemon mentality.

1.  Write love notes, and hide them in your husbands luggage so when he gets where he is going... he will have quite a bit of literature to read. ;)

2.  Keep a prayer journal, I cannot stress this enough! When having your sour and sometimes bitter days - fill your prayer journal pages with prayers for your husband.

3.  Talk to other women in your area, find a Christian based support group.

4.  Talk to God, He's always there - He's your best friend.

5.  Be still, listen to the Lord speak to you... He will comfort you.

Don't let your sour, bitter thoughts get in the way of your relationship with Christ or your husband.  Don't let pre-deployment jitters get you down! You are armed with something that non-Christians do not have.  You have God on your side, "if God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Our actions fuel our husbands actions, if we can remain calm in Christ - and your husband can see that... it will make for a much better pre-deployment time on the homefront. 

I am lifting all of the wives up in prayer who have husbands that are getting ready to deploy.  May you allow the Lord to use this experience in your life to allow you to grow closer to Christ.  Please always remember you can go to the Prayer Warrior group and post prayer requests.  You can also always email me with any questions or comments you may have.

In Christ,
Patti Katter

by Jocelyn Green
Finally, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Deployment is almost over! How do you prepare for the transition immediately following the homecoming reunion?

Former FRG leader Shasta Erts recommends this list of 37 things to keep in mind for that post-deployment transitional period. She received this from a group called Wives of Warriors at a PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) event. Thanks for sharing, Shasta!

Each night, just before her 7:30 p.m. bedtime, 2-year-old Grace Fitzgerald pulls off a sheet of toilet paper at her Hampstead home. The little white square marks one more day without her daddy who is deployed with the Marines in Central America.

Her mother, Catherine Fitzgerald, holds the roll as her daughter sings a little ditty for her daddy. Usually, "Daddy's coming home. Daddy's coming home! Clap, clap, clap."

In the second short deployment of their marriage, Fitzgerald knows the frustrations of being a military wife. But she also knows - with a 30,000-troop surge planned in Afghanistan - that longer deployments are in her husband's future.

"The biggest stress is that anticipation. You're kind of torn because you want to enjoy that time with him, but you want to prepare for him being gone," she said. "Sometimes at night it's harder to sleep because you don't feel as safe. There's a lot of depression, anxiety and isolation with military wives because there's always the worries of the things that can happen in deployments."

Fitzgerald has sought refuge in her faith, hosting Bible studies for military wives. She was recently tapped to head up ministry support for group leaders in the Christian Military Wives organization. The CMW is a social network supporting military wives and a ministry of The Christian Military Fellowship.

Fitzgerald started a bi-monthly Bible study and military wives ministry at Scotts Hill Baptist Church called Operation Hope Front that has attracted about 15 women so far. But she knows there are more in the Hampstead and Wilmington areas who could use the support.

"When you move this far out (in the Hampstead area) you miss out on some of the base resources at Camp Lejeune," she added. "Just to have that support of other military women who know what you're going through is such an important part of our life."

At Operation Hope Front's December meeting, nine women sat in a circle discussing a passage on bitterness in Hebrews.

"Maybe it's just a female thing, but sometimes we're just in a mood, and it makes us feel better to be bitter," one woman said.

"How does bitterness affect a marriage and the children of a bitter parent," Fitzgerald asked the women.

"I know in my case there's nothing more convicting that when you hear your child say something bitter that you know where it came from. And that you said it," another woman answered.

Laura Smith's husband is in the middle of a long deployment to Afghanistan - their fourth in five-and-a-half years of marriage. One of her two boys thinks his father lives in the phone because he was so young when his father was deployed.

The hardest part for her is "living like a single parent and having to switch back and forth from that perfect family life to half of that," she said.

Part of the group's mission is to provide physical needs like babysitting, lawn care, meals or home repairs for military wives "who come to this area, and they don't have those connections yet," Fitzgerald said. Scotts Hill Baptist plans to host a Military Wives Conference on May 15 to connect families with resources in the area.

Jessie Attig's husband is being deployed to an unknown location in January.

"I'm kind of numb to it because I'm looking forward to the holidays," she said of her husband's pending departure. "But I know it will hit me like a ton of bricks soon."

The Wives Who Wait

Twas the night before Christmas
And there all alone
I saw a young woman
Who sat by the phone

For what was she waiting
On this holiday night
Where were the stockings
Christmas tree, lights?

I saw one little tear
As it rolled down her face
And she curled up in a blanket
Then looked round the place

Something was missing
Someone not here
In her face I saw sadness
Did I also see fear?

I paused and I wondered
What could it be?
That would cause a young woman
To look so lonely

How could anyone so precious
Choose such a life?
Then I realized this woman
Was a soldiers wife.

Her gift for this Christmas
Is to hear that phone ring
“Hey baby, I miss you
Don’t worry about a thing”

Each day I thank God for the soldiers that serve
Ever willing to fight and lay down his life
But how often do I ever remember think
About the young woman who is that soldier's wife

Thank you God for these women
They are just as strong
They sacrifice daily
And without help get along

So God please protect our soldiers
On this holiday eve so late
And give an extra hug
To their wives who wait

(written by Jeannie Lining, my mom, during OEF deployment 2008)