ChristianMilitaryWives

 

        Challenges for women come in many forms, especially when a spouse is deployed.  Sometimes they come in the form of illness – the children, you or even the pets can become ill and provide challenges for a spouse at home.  Sometimes, they come in the form of broken things – vehicles, appliances, toilets, the toy of a preschooler, the heart of a teenager or any other myriad of things can stop working as they were intended to function.  Sometimes those challenges can come in the form of little furry rodents called mice.

        When I first began to notice little holes in bags of food in my pantry, I wondered if I had picked up a damaged item at the commissary.  Then I noticed the little holes had jagged edges to them and the food inside the bags also had little jagged pieces missing.  Finally, I discovered little dark pellets around the pantry that let me know there were creatures having a party with my food every night and this time, they were not teenagers.  Mice!

        After cleaning and throwing away more food than I care to think about, I headed out to the store for some assistance.  I bought what looked to be fairly humane traps that would allow for the capture and disposal of mice without me ever having to touch or see them.  Carefully, I set the traps around, anxious to have my problems contained for easy disposal.  But the mice who had decided to party in my pantry apparently snickered behind their little whiskers at my vain attempts, and the traps remained undisturbed – unlike the food in my pantry.  I decided to replace the traps with packaged poison that was supposed to be very enticing to little rodents, but once again, my photo apparently ended up in the editorial section of “Mice Times” with the words “Who is she kidding?” under my picture.  My poison packages remained untouched, but I lost another bag of hot dog buns.  My father even gave me blocks of poison that had produced multiple dead rats around his bird feeders when he had a rodent problem, but every night the mice return to chew on the poison while none of them turn up dead, at least not in my house.  They just keep coming back for the party.

        So what is a woman to do?  I am so glad that you asked. 

        I honestly believe my mice are very symptomatic of so many other large and small challenges in my life and the lives of many women.  It really isn’t about the mice.  It rarely is about whatever challenge life may deal us at even given moment.  It is about my response.

        This is typical of my process when things in life are a struggle, though the order of events changes depending on where my heart is resting at the time.   I cry out to God, “Please deliver me!” I work very hard at finding my own answer.  I look to see God bring deliverance.  And here is the reality in my life – sometimes, deliverance from my challenge does not come. 

        So what does my response look like in those times?  What if my challenge continues, sometimes even increasing in difficulty?  Oh sweet sisters, I think so often God desires not to catch the mouse, but to calm the mouse catcher.  How often does my Father long for me not to know deliverance, but instead to know my Deliverer?  For in those days when I do not see deliverance from my challenge, I have an opportunity to know my Deliverer more deeply.  To seek His face.  To look for His strength.  To depend on His love. To be the place where I take refuge.

He is my loving God and my fortress,

My stronghold and my deliverer,

My shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.

Psalm 144:2 (NIV)

       

So what is your challenge today?  What are the mice in your pantry?  Do the heavens seem silent?  Are you weary in waiting for deliverance?  Stop.  Breathe deeply.  Know your Deliverer and take refuge in Him. 

*Warning: Before reading this article, please remember these thoughts are only the thoughts of Patti Katter and her thoughts do not reflect the thoughts of every military wife in the world... just quite a few of them. ;)

It's so easy to look at the downside of deployment.  Deployments can be like a lemon.  The outside of a lemon is bitter and the inside is sour, not much good about that unless you use something to sweeten it up!

Dreading deployment is very common.  I've never met a woman or her military man that did not dread deployment. 

Quite a few wives have told me that weeks before deployment their husbands become distant to them.  A wall begins to form in their marriage.  Civilians may not understand, and if you are military and have not yet been through deployment you may not quite understand.... but the majority of our CMW members do understand due to multiple deployments, and they understand all too well.  

Not all marriages have difficult times before deployments, there may be that woman someplace in the world that is not effected.  I have yet to meet one.  If you are that woman, PLEASE let me know who you are - I would love to meet you! =-)

Pre-Deployment:
Just when you think husbands and wives would grow closer to one another, knowing that many months will go by until they see their loved ones again... something happens. Kah-Pow! The world spins out of control and one of three things happen.

1.  The words stop, your husband feels like its better to stop "being attached" to you - just "incase" something happens to him - you won't miss him as much.

2.  Arguing kicks in along with frustration.  Your husband may think, "if I am a big jerk to her... she will not be so sad if something happens to me."

3.  With the frustration your husband is going through, and his work-load he may not even realise he is releasing his frustrations out on you.

And do you know what? I think many wives go along with the first two scenarios.  As a wife, you may be afraid something horrible is going to happen to your husband at some point in the deployment.

I think it must be a built in defense mechanism our minds use to rationalise things.  I think its a wrong defense mechanism  though.  I know it's not Godly thinking at all... that's where it comes to play that we are all sinners - if we were all perfect we would not have sinful thoughts.

As a military wife, I understand how we "military wives" think.  We like to be in charge of things.  If you think about it, we are pretty much in charge of everything.  Paying bills, making sure the oil is changed in the car, grocery shopping, maybe holding an outside job, taking care of the kids and the list goes on.  The fact is, we are a take charge type of person.

We like to be in charge of our thoughts, our emotions and that includes the safe return of our husbands.  When being forced to really think about it, we cannot be in charge of our husbands safe return.  No one really can... and, that can be scary. 

We don't like to think about things, let along talk about these things.  I mean, what wife in her right mind would tell her husband that she's afraid he may not make it home?!   Not this wife.  I would never tell my husband such a thing, especially before he went off to fight the enemy.  It's an unspoken thought... it's scary and there's only one who we can really take it to and that is Jesus Christ.

God is there for us in all times.  When we are alone, when we are afraid... God is there.  God knows our thoughts and our hearts.  It's so easy to take the frustration of deployment out on our husbands, but that is just not fair to them.  Our husbands are brave, they are ensuring our freedom, they are doing their job.  Our husbands also have internal battles that makes it very difficult to talk about things before they leave for war. 

Your husband is married to you for a reason, he loves you.  I'm sure your husband has thoughts inside of his head that he feels like he cannot talk to you about, just as you have things you don't want to burden him with before he leaves.

Here are a few ways to keep your mind busy before your husband leaves for his deployment.  I find that keeping my head clear and keeping busy with productive projects are very helpful, and these tips will help sweeten up that lemon mentality.

1.  Write love notes, and hide them in your husbands luggage so when he gets where he is going... he will have quite a bit of literature to read. ;)

2.  Keep a prayer journal, I cannot stress this enough! When having your sour and sometimes bitter days - fill your prayer journal pages with prayers for your husband.

3.  Talk to other women in your area, find a Christian based support group.

4.  Talk to God, He's always there - He's your best friend.

5.  Be still, listen to the Lord speak to you... He will comfort you.

Don't let your sour, bitter thoughts get in the way of your relationship with Christ or your husband.  Don't let pre-deployment jitters get you down! You are armed with something that non-Christians do not have.  You have God on your side, "if God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Our actions fuel our husbands actions, if we can remain calm in Christ - and your husband can see that... it will make for a much better pre-deployment time on the homefront. 

I am lifting all of the wives up in prayer who have husbands that are getting ready to deploy.  May you allow the Lord to use this experience in your life to allow you to grow closer to Christ.  Please always remember you can go to the Prayer Warrior group and post prayer requests.  You can also always email me with any questions or comments you may have.

In Christ,
Patti Katter

by Jocelyn Green
Finally, you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Deployment is almost over! How do you prepare for the transition immediately following the homecoming reunion?

Former FRG leader Shasta Erts recommends this list of 37 things to keep in mind for that post-deployment transitional period. She received this from a group called Wives of Warriors at a PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) event. Thanks for sharing, Shasta!

Each night, just before her 7:30 p.m. bedtime, 2-year-old Grace Fitzgerald pulls off a sheet of toilet paper at her Hampstead home. The little white square marks one more day without her daddy who is deployed with the Marines in Central America.

Her mother, Catherine Fitzgerald, holds the roll as her daughter sings a little ditty for her daddy. Usually, "Daddy's coming home. Daddy's coming home! Clap, clap, clap."

In the second short deployment of their marriage, Fitzgerald knows the frustrations of being a military wife. But she also knows - with a 30,000-troop surge planned in Afghanistan - that longer deployments are in her husband's future.

"The biggest stress is that anticipation. You're kind of torn because you want to enjoy that time with him, but you want to prepare for him being gone," she said. "Sometimes at night it's harder to sleep because you don't feel as safe. There's a lot of depression, anxiety and isolation with military wives because there's always the worries of the things that can happen in deployments."

Fitzgerald has sought refuge in her faith, hosting Bible studies for military wives. She was recently tapped to head up ministry support for group leaders in the Christian Military Wives organization. The CMW is a social network supporting military wives and a ministry of The Christian Military Fellowship.

Fitzgerald started a bi-monthly Bible study and military wives ministry at Scotts Hill Baptist Church called Operation Hope Front that has attracted about 15 women so far. But she knows there are more in the Hampstead and Wilmington areas who could use the support.

"When you move this far out (in the Hampstead area) you miss out on some of the base resources at Camp Lejeune," she added. "Just to have that support of other military women who know what you're going through is such an important part of our life."

At Operation Hope Front's December meeting, nine women sat in a circle discussing a passage on bitterness in Hebrews.

"Maybe it's just a female thing, but sometimes we're just in a mood, and it makes us feel better to be bitter," one woman said.

"How does bitterness affect a marriage and the children of a bitter parent," Fitzgerald asked the women.

"I know in my case there's nothing more convicting that when you hear your child say something bitter that you know where it came from. And that you said it," another woman answered.

Laura Smith's husband is in the middle of a long deployment to Afghanistan - their fourth in five-and-a-half years of marriage. One of her two boys thinks his father lives in the phone because he was so young when his father was deployed.

The hardest part for her is "living like a single parent and having to switch back and forth from that perfect family life to half of that," she said.

Part of the group's mission is to provide physical needs like babysitting, lawn care, meals or home repairs for military wives "who come to this area, and they don't have those connections yet," Fitzgerald said. Scotts Hill Baptist plans to host a Military Wives Conference on May 15 to connect families with resources in the area.

Jessie Attig's husband is being deployed to an unknown location in January.

"I'm kind of numb to it because I'm looking forward to the holidays," she said of her husband's pending departure. "But I know it will hit me like a ton of bricks soon."

The Wives Who Wait

Twas the night before Christmas
And there all alone
I saw a young woman
Who sat by the phone

For what was she waiting
On this holiday night
Where were the stockings
Christmas tree, lights?

I saw one little tear
As it rolled down her face
And she curled up in a blanket
Then looked round the place

Something was missing
Someone not here
In her face I saw sadness
Did I also see fear?

I paused and I wondered
What could it be?
That would cause a young woman
To look so lonely

How could anyone so precious
Choose such a life?
Then I realized this woman
Was a soldiers wife.

Her gift for this Christmas
Is to hear that phone ring
“Hey baby, I miss you
Don’t worry about a thing”

Each day I thank God for the soldiers that serve
Ever willing to fight and lay down his life
But how often do I ever remember think
About the young woman who is that soldier's wife

Thank you God for these women
They are just as strong
They sacrifice daily
And without help get along

So God please protect our soldiers
On this holiday eve so late
And give an extra hug
To their wives who wait

(written by Jeannie Lining, my mom, during OEF deployment 2008)

I checked the submission site out and you can submit a note with or without a picture. You have a week to get it to them! It’s easy and free! You can submit to have your message online or in print. I submitted one for my son this morning.

Stars and Stripes Holiday Messages are now open for submissions!

Visit the Stripes Holiday Messages website  to submit a Holiday Message to a loved one.

Messages submitted before Nov 27th will appear in the newspaper according to their  publishing schedule.

The return of a deployed spouse is a joyous event and certainly the answer to many prayers. But as any veteran military wife will tell you, a happy homecoming does not necessarily mean "happily ever after." Both spouses have grown and changed while separated, and you need time to adjust to your new chapter of life.

Here are a few resources to help you make the transition:

1) Coming Home Prayer Card. Anticipating the return of a loved one from military service can be overwhelming. Coming Home Prayer Card can help you relate with your spouse on a deeper level. Included are three ways that you can pray for your spouse and connect with God so the return home is a harmonious reunion. Order from Family Life here.

2) Focus on the Family offers several articles on post-deployment life, including the short-term reality and the long-term reality.

3) Life After Deployment: Military families share reunion stories and advice by Karen Pavlicin is an excellent book full of good advice. It's not written from an explicitly Christian perspective, but I have used it as a resource several times. I especially appreciate the author's exploration of expectations, communication, and age-appropriate ways to work the returning parent back into daily family life.

4) After Deployment. This Web site helps returning soldiers and their families make the post-deployment transition. Resources offered cover dealing with stress, depression, anger, sleep problems, physical injuries and more.

5) If your returning spouse has combat trauma or post-traumatic stress, please check out the Faith Deployed Resources page and scroll down to see several Web sites and books specifically for these veterans and their families.

Also check out Happily Ever After?, a Faith Deployed excerpt.

What other resources have you found to be helpful in that post-deployment transition period? Please leave comments!

This blog post originally appeared at www.faithdeployed.com.

Lord's Prayer For The Military Wife


Lord, Grant me the greatness
         of heart to see,
      the difference in duty
         and his love for me.

            Give me the
      understanding to know,
       that when duty calls
           he must go.

Give me a task to do each day
          to fill the time
          while he is away.
      And Lord when duty
          is in the field,
      Please protect him,
         and be his shield.

I saw this on a blanket from a website and never have heard it before and thought it would be nice to share this amazing peice with others.