ChristianMilitaryWives

(Written by CMW Newlywed Member Meagan Eskew)

From My Utmost for His Highest: “Taking the Initiative Against Depression”

“The angel in this passage did not give Elijah a vision, or explain the Scriptures to him, or do anything remarkable. He simply told Elijah to do a very ordinary thing, that is, to get up and eat. If we were never depressed, we would not be alive — only material things don’t suffer depression. If human beings were not capable of depression, we would have no capacity for happiness and exultation. There are things in life that are designed to depress us; for example, things that are associated with death. Whenever you examine yourself, always take into account your capacity for depression.

When the Spirit of God comes to us, He does not give us glorious visions, but He tells us to do the most ordinary things imaginable. Depression tends to turn us away from the everyday things of God’s creation. But whenever God steps in, his inspiration is to do the most natural, simple things — things we would never have imagined God was in, but as we do them we find Him there. The inspiration that comes to us in this way in an initiative against depression. But we must take the first step and do it in the inspiration of God. If, however, we do something simply to overcome our depression, we will only deepened it. But when the Spirit of God leads us instinctively to do something, the moment we do it the depression is gone. As soon as we arise and obey, we enter a higher plane of life.”

Wow. Ok God. I get it.

I have been struggling with depression lately – being away from all I’ve ever known, feeling alone, not sure at all everything I need to do here, being in a spiritually deprived environment. And most of all, making myself feel guilty for not being happy – I mean, I am oh so happy to be with my husband again, and being able to spend almost every day with him here. However, I haven’t been truly happy all the time like I feel I should be. I’ve struggled with this daily since my arrival…. Loving being with my husband and feeling extremely blessed because of this, but also feeling unhappy for being away from my friends, family, job, church, etc. and trying to figure out this new way of life.

I knew this “depression” would be a reality to face – I felt somewhat prepared and thought I knew how to handle it…. stay positive, stay in God’s Word, pray, focus on your husband, stay busy, it could be worse, on and on and on… all great and true things. However, I still have struggled and didn’t understand why.

Our long-planned trip to Italy was light on the horizon. Hope. Something to look forward to, to get away from all I’m dealing with, and to finally be able to just enjoy being with Austin… Don’t get me wrong – our trip was absolutely amazing I am so thankful for the opportunity to travel with Austin, and see things we never thought we would be able to see. It provided much needed time for us – a get-away. However, for some reason I still continued to struggle with feeling depressed… even standing under an unbelievable, beautiful cathedral, holding hands, taking pictures, eating gelato and pizza… I still felt that I wasn’t as happy as I could be.

Over the course of our 4-day weekend, Austin and I had a lot of ups and downs. I felt myself getting sucked farther into a hole… and I finally felt God’s grip on me, using Austin to reach out and get to the bottom of things. Deep and meaningful conversations followed, and I feel like I finally let go and let Austin completely take care of me, trusting him fully, and refusing to let the doubts that Satan has been using to take hold of me anymore and get in the way of my relationship with my husband. I know I am not perfect, and there will be many times where one or both of us will put up that wall of defense again, or will misunderstand each other and not try to find out what the real problem is…. However, I feel that we have grown leaps and bounds this week, and I am beginning to feel the climb back to the top.

A simple comment made by a friend yesterday really made everything click for me…. His wife was contemplating quitting her job, and his thoughts on it were that she is a much happier person on the days she doesn’t work, and coming home to happy wife is the best thing ever. Even if he’s had a completely horrible day at work, coming home to a joyful wife made everything better.

I’ve heard this my whole life… but it never made so much sense to me. I see so clearly how my attitude and the way I handle things – from the way I greet my husband when he walks in the door, to simply having a smile on my face while I cook dinner, or even having a good attitude even after another delay with housing – how I let things affect me, has a huge affect on him and our marriage.

God is working… I love it I’m finally seeing how things are working together for good… While I realize that the struggles and my circumstances have not changed, and I will continue to face more unknowns and frustrations, I know that God is using them and working out my walk with Him through them, as well as strengthening my walk with my husband. Another Genesis week… and it’s beginning with me. Austin came home to a happy wife yesterday, and it made all the difference in the world. Even after a frustrating day of more housing delays, it was a good day. The circumstance did not change, the frustration did not change, and I still shared this with Austin… however, the way I went about it – not immediately “going off” when he got home (“you’ll never believe what happened today!”) not going on and on about it, and not complaining or voicing my concerns about something that he can do nothing about. I shared with him what happened, what my concerns where, and asked him his thoughts about it. We came up with a plan of action, made a decision, and that was it. We ate dinner, watched a movie, talked with his mom and grandma on skype, and had a wonderful evening together…

I am finding the joy in the every day things – not because I’m trying to stay positive, or because I’m trying to get myself out of a depression, or because I’m trying to make my husband happy, or I feel like I have to – I am finding the joy in welcoming my husband home, in holding his hand, in eating dinner together, in cleaning our room, in picking up after him, in laying out his clothes, in every little thing, just because I can. Because I am seeking my joy in Christ and Christ has blessed me with these everyday things – to experience joy. I have been seeking Him and asking for answers… how to handle this, how to communicate better, how to be happy, how to serve and respect my husband, how to be not depressed anymore…

It was in my depression that God showed me how to find my joy again… Arise and eat. Do the everyday things with my husband and realize the fullness of life that I have been given. I have a great capacity for joy and exultation, and I am loving embracing this new-found joy and sharing it with Austin.

CMW Newlywed Group Valentine's Day Giveaway

“Date Night”

One thing I have learned that is very important in any relationship is dating...especially the dating that comes after you marry your spouse, although the dating before marriage is important too!

With Valentine's Day coming up next month, the CMW Newlywed Group is having a free giveaway to one special military wife. This contest is open for participation for any military wife married 5 years or less.

Participation is easy:

1. Become a member on christianmilitarywives.com. Once you have joined you can find the newlywed group under the “groups” section under the “socialize” tab. The group is entitled “Newlywed Military Wives” and the direct link for the group is here: http://www.christianmilitarywives.com/groups/profile/94

1. Once you are on the group page, scroll down until you see the section entitled “forum.” You should see listed the most recent forum topics. Click on the one entitled **DATE NIGHT** Valentines Day Contest

    

2. Respond to this topic with a post about a special and memorable date you have had with your husband...It can be before you were married, or since. It can be as special as your proposal story or as simple as "Dominoes pizza in the candle light..."

    

The prize: A "Date Night" couples basket...contents valued at over $100, including the following: candles, girly bath stuff, popcorn, two devotional books for couples, a Blockbuster gift card, and more.

The contest will close January 31st and I will announce the randomly-chosen winner February 1st. I hope that you all can participate!

 

~Aprille (CMW Newlywed Ministry Team Leader)

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, in our newlywed group we had a contest called "A Thankful Wife." The purpose was to foster thankful spirit's toward the men in our lives, and to God for what He has done for us through our husbands.

We had thirty participants and the posts that they made were so encouraging I though I would share just a few highlights with all of you. I pray that they will encourage you to look at your husband in a new light and a thankful spirit.

I am thankful for my husband because he is a godly man who loves the Lord and always puts Him first in our family. He is the spiritual leader in our house.

When I was praying for a husband, I had so many things that the Lord seemed to put in my heart to desire in him, and he is every one and so much more!

He makes the flowers bloom in the garden of my heart.

Despite my flaws, he reminds me everyday how much he loves me and is always praising me and lifting me to believe in myself---even when neither one of us is having our best of days...that is very humbling...

I am thankful for my husband because he has brought me closer to Christ and taught me what unconditional love is.

God truly sent me my other half when he sent me my husband. Words will never be able to fully express how thankful I am for him and how grateful I am that he is in my life.

He is so dedicated to our family and works so hard and sacrifices so much for us. He gives our family so much, I wish that I could give back to him what he has done for us.

I am thankful for my husband because he has always been there as my friend, best friend and then husband. I am thankful to be married to a man who respects my strength but is there when I am feeling weak.

He is a great example of 2 Corinthians 3:18 "But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." I see that transformation into the likeness of Jesus in his life, that journey from glory to glory. It is exciting and breath-taking and wonderful.

He is my soul mate, and my second half.

He treats me like his queen, like a dove he loves and protects. He is a God fearing man who loves the Lord with all of his heart, and wants his children to see a good example of what a man after God's own heart is.

I find a new reason to love him everyday.

I am so thankful for my husband for his quiet strength, his tenacious spirit to get through any and everything even though it may not be a pretty process.

I am thankful that I get to feel his love every day and I can love him in return.

We are true partners in life and love.

He has the kindest heart, the warmest smile, the most love anyone has ever shown me.

You know, it is one thing to marry the one you love - but it is entirely different to love the one you marry. This year we will be celebrating our first Christmas together and two days later, our first anniversary. I'm thankful for my husband because this year, together we've learned the difference.

We would like to give a big congratulations to our winner ~EM~! and here is her post:

I am thankful for my husband because he loves me and accepts me for who I am. Finding out I have Fibromyalgia has been a journey for both of us especially because I used to be physically strong and athletic, but he took the high road and just accepted it for what it is, accepted my new found limitations, and he constantly makes me feel good about myself even if I'm having a bad day and wasn't able to do as much housework as I would like. He never sets unreachable standards for me and constantly tells me how much he appreciates me and loves me. He's also the best dad to our kids and is wonderful about giving me a break when needed and letting me sleep in on Saturdays! It's the things that may seem so trivial that mean SO much to me! He is such an amazing man, and I am absolutely blessed that he is my husband and my best friend!

One of the biggest problems I’ve had in my marriage is all the little fights I have with my husband...the little fights about the little things...the little things that an hour later you wondered why they were such a big deal in the first place.

It’s unfortunate, but little fights result in big hurts. Big hurts that sometimes take hours or even days to heal.

It’s those times when I wish I could just go back...let that little thing go. Because if I had only known how awful I would feel afterwards, how much emotional intimacy and love I would lose, and how my relationship with my husband would be hurt, I never would have made such a fuss about such a little thing.

In talking with other newlyweds, I have found that I am not alone in this problem. When two people are beginning a life together, they are bringing their differences to one home...and there will be friction. I don’t believe it can really be avoided. However, I believe that God teaches that that friction doesn’t have to escalate to the point of discord.

How can we combat this? I was listening to the radio the other day and heard this song to which I related so much. “It's so easy to get lost inside a problem that seems so big at the time; it's like a river thats so wide...it swallows you whole.”

I think that we need to weigh our little disagreements as far as their timing and importance. How important is this problem in light of the lifetime of love that we are seeking with our husbands? Ask yourself a question like “Will this really matter an hour from now, or a day from now, or a week from now.”  I think we sometimes get so consumed, so swallowed up, not by the grievance of our husband, but rather by our pride. We want to PROVE we are RIGHT and he is WRONG!! And that’s why we yell and fuss and cry over something that really doesn’t matter.

So next time you are tempted to be upset with your husband, ask yourself the following question: “Is it worth it? Is getting into an argument about this really worth the loss of emotional intimacy and love that I am desiring with my husband?” From my personal experience most of the time it really isn’t.