ChristianMilitaryWives

FROM: Operation Military Kids

I came across the following topic on Massachusetts General Hospital’s forums. It was well written and very helpful information for all parents, but especially children of military members as they may be more sensitive to war related news.

 

Talking with Children about Upsetting News Events

Comments from: Paula K. Rauch, MD and colleagues from the MassGeneral Hospital for Children

EXCERPT

Dr. Rauch is a child psychiatrist who leads the Marjorie E. Korff PACT (Parenting At a Challenging Time) Program at the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center. www.mghpact.org

All children are exposed to news via newspapers, radio, the Internet, and especially television. And they naturally turn to their parents with questions about what they have seen and heard. For a child whose family is impacted by the earthquake in Haiti, news about the tragedy can raise concerns about their own family’s safety. Discussing these issues poses a special challenge for parents to listen, understand, and answer their children’s questions in a manner that is both honest and reassuring. Meeting this challenge successfully strengthens your child’s inner strength, sense of security, and trust in you.

First, you know your child best. You have likely been through good time and stressful times before. How your child has reacted in the past is often a good predictor for how he or she will cope with new challenges. Think about what has been helpful for your child previously, and use these successful strategies from the past. Most children will benefit from maintaining regular routines, including daily schedules and normal expectations for schoolwork. Children will take their emotional cues from the adults in their world. If we are calm usually they will feel secure; however, it is important to talk to your child about his or her specific concerns.

Second, check in with your child. Find out what he or she has been hearing, seeing and thinking about a new event or whether it has not yet come to his or her attention. Questions such as, “Are kids at school talking about __________?” or, “ What have you heard about __________?” are good ways to open such a conversation. If your child is younger and is not aware of the news, you may elect to go no further with this conversation. If your child has heard about the news event, encourage him or her to tell you about what they’ve heard or what they think about what others are saying. Ask if they have any specific worries. To answer questions and allay fears, it is important to really understand what your child is struggling with before you move to answer or reassure him.

Third, TV images can be upsetting. Turn off the TV around young children or those who may have been upset by TV news in the past. Be mindful that coverage of the same earthquake over and over again can be misinterpreted as something that is happening repeatedly. Watch television with older children so you can answer questions and be aware of their feelings. Some older children need to be reminded that the TV images can be overwhelming and that it’s OK not to watch. This is true for many adults, who may feel better listening to radio reports or reading newspaper coverage rather than watching disturbing TV images.

Fourth, make the most of family time. Spend extra time with your children. Turn off the telephone and the TV during meals so you can talk together. Often parents can identify times in the day or activities that facilitate thoughtful conversations. Sometimes, it is while driving in the car or when a child sits with a parent who is working in the kitchen. Those are great times to check in with your child and talk. CLICK TO READ MORE

FYI! From Armylive.dod I will be printing the full reoport and will write up an article about it in detail next week. 

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Impact of Multiple Deployments on Children

The new reality of repetitive deployments has led to innovative programs and policies designed to assist military children in dealing with the difficulties of deployments.  Initiatives—ranging from “flat daddies” replacing deployed soldiers at the dinner table, to senior leaders ceremoniously signing the Army Family Covenant at installations across the world, to the First Lady proposing nearly $9 billion to support military families—point to the growing concern that multiple deployments may be as stressful to Army children as they are to soldiers.  Despite the increased attention and seemingly endless resources directed at children in deployed families, however, there has been very little research examining the effects of multiple deployments on children.

In March of 2009, Leonard Wong and Stephen Gerras from the U.S. Army War College began a two-phase study to examine the effects of multiple deployments on Army adolescents.  The first phase, collected through an online survey, evaluated the perspectives of over 2,000 soldiers, 700 spouses, and 500 Army children between 11 and 17.  The second phase collected the views of over 100 Army adolescents through individual interviews at 8 Army installations throughout the U.S. 

As expected, they found that strong families—to include a non-deployed spouse who coped well with deployments—as well as ample activities such as sports to keep Army youngsters busy serve to reduce stress levels of Army adolescents during a deployment.  Surprisingly, they also found that the attitudes of Army children play a role in dealing with deployment stress and coping with a life of deployments.  Children who believed that soldiers are making a difference in the world and that the American public supported the war were significantly more likely to report that they were coping better with deployments.  The study highlights the often overlooked impact of attitudinal factors such as the influence of public opinion concerning the war and the importance—in a life marked by multiple deployments—of an adolescent’s confidence that their parent’s call to duty is worth the sacrifice.

For a free download of the full study, please visit the US Army War College Strategic Studies Institute website:http://www.strategicstudiesinstitute.army.mil/pubs/display.cfm?pubID=962. 

DifferentDream.com is a gathering place for parents of special needs children. Dads and moms in the hospital with seriously or terminally ill kids feel isolated. So do parents whose children live with mental disabilities or chronic illnesses.

If you’re one of those parents, we can help you find answers to questions like:

• Why did God let this happen to our child?
• Where do we find strength to deal with this diagnosis?
• How do we navigate life in the hospital?
• How do we juggle life inside and outside the hospital?
• When we take our chronically ill child home, how will we cope?
• What will life be like if our child dies?
• If our child survives, how do we regain a normal life?

My husband and I asked those questions and many more after our first child, Allen, was born in 1982. A few hours after his delivery, doctors discovered he had a life-threatening birth defect, and he was immediately flown to the University of Nebraska in Omaha for surgery. Two days later, we finally arrived at the neonatal intensive care unit where he was recovering. Seven hundred miles from home, without friends or family, we felt utterly and completely alone.

Allen survived and is an adult now, but our experiences created a deep desire within me to reach out to parents of critically or chronically ill children. That desire was partially realized in September of 2009 when my book A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children was released by Discovery House Publishers.

This website is another way to reach out to parents of really sick kids and offers the following features:

• A resources page with links to helpful websites, organizations, and literature.
• A blog that addresses current topics and lets you add comments, questions, and advice.
• Information about how to order A Different Dream for My Child: Meditations for Parents of Critically or Chronically Ill Children, which addresses many of these topics in greater depth.
• A contact page which lists several ways to connect with me.

No matter how isolated you feel, you are not alone. I invite you to use this site to connect with a community of parents who have embraced a different dream for their children. Maybe they can help you embrace your child’s dream, too.

You are not alone,
Jolene Philo

by Lisa Copen

I swore that I would never scrapbook. I saw some amazing scrapbooks that friends had put together, but the thought of cutting into my photographs and then spending tons of money on little stickers called "embellishments?" To put it bluntly, I wasn't a cutsie, sticker kind of gal and didn't intend to change. And then we adopted my son. We had dozens of rolls of film developed and I wanted to record all those thoughts that were going trough my head, but I couldn't find a baby book or adoption book that would do justice to his unique, precious story . And I kept hearing about "life books."

Every child has a one of a kind story about his or her birth, but for the adopted child, the story is even more personal and special. So I made my way to the craft store and tried to find some "embellishments" that didn't include pregnancy quotations or storks. I held my breath as I cut into my photographs. Eventually, not finding any adoption items, I put my graphic design skills to use and created my own transparency overlays about adoption, so I could record those memories from "the wait" to Adoption Day. Now I cannot conceive of having let the idea of a scrapbook of my son's life pass by me. I would have missed great joy.

Why did I decide to scrapbook about my child's adoption?

1. We all know how unique our own story is about deciding to adopt and waiting. Our kid's stories or no less special. Don't be tempted to use a book where you just fill in the blanks, because it's nearly impossible to since you don't have all of the answers, nor do they all apply. And what child wants to see blanks in his book? For example, even adoption books may or may not have a place for information about the birthfather or if the adoption was international or domestic. An additional benefit to scrapbooking is that you can design is so that it is timed perfectly for your child's age and understanding of his or her adoption story, based on what you have shared. It's inevitable that your child will being to ask more questions. It's easy to add that page with the answers right into the book. For example, my son recently has been asking, "Why did God choose me for your and Daddy? If God had sent another little boy, would you have loved him?" This is an idyllic occasion for me to create a new page for his adoption album, explaining how we prayed for a little boy just like him.

2. Photos are fun to look at but I've been surprised at how quickly the memories that go along with them can fade. When I look back at pictures taken just six months ago that I didn't take the time to journal about, I realize how many cute things my son said that I've forgotten already. What was that joke we laughed about for fifteen minutes? I can remember the giggles, but not the whole story behind the photos that keep the memories alive. And every child loves to hear about all the funny things he did or said when he was young!

3. Adoption is one of the most amazing gifts we will ever experience in our lifetime and I want my son to realize that we recognize it as such. Even as he watches me put together an album, or grows up reading it on my lap, is a sign to him that He is precious to us. When you share about your child's birth family, visits you may have with them, how your family was formed, or your child's place of birth, it's telling your child their story is worth telling! Our child should never believe that her story or life before us makes us sad or threatens our role as parents.

Adoption scrapbook albums are a way to reinforce that her whole life is worth celebrating, not just the time since she became a part of your family. Now that I am an adoptive mom, I have expanded by appreciation for scrap booking. I no longer see it as a leisurely craft, but a noteworthy method to record this miracle that God gave us--the honor of being parents to our little guy.

Adoption scrapbook albums are a great deal more than what some people call a "brag book" or photo album. These books, whether called international adoption lifebooks or just an adoption book, is a special account of pictures and memories, a custom-made story book of your child's life, and a keepsake for him to always know how much he is treasured. There are always concerns about how adoption affects a child, but through an adoption scrapbook album, I hope our son will know that we have always embraced and celebrated how he made us a family--through the joy of adoption. Lisa's adoption books make the perfect personalized gift for an adopting family.

Lisa's adoption books make the perfect personalized gift for an adopting family. See http://www.scrapbookmyadoption.com for albums, transparency overlays, digital files or embellishments to make it simple to have a beautiful lifebook your friend will treasure.

I had the immense pleasure of interviewing Jolene Philo, wife, mother, blogger, writer and motivational speaker. Most importantly of her titles is "Christian woman." She was a joy to talk with, and I am sure her insights, advice and wisdom will bless anyone with a child who has chronic or severe medical conditions.

You can find Jolene's blog HERE. 

I would also encourage caretakers of wounded warriors to listen in on my interview with Jolene.  Click to listen: