ChristianMilitaryWives

I  had the pleasure of interviewing a dear friend of mine, Sue Gallogly, on our show last Friday. Sue was raised as a military dependent, and later she married and lost her husband in the Vietnam war. After becoming a Gold star wife of the Vietnam war, Sue later remarried another man in the military and now has two sons in the military who have been through several deployments. 

Even as a young child Sue was a believer in Jesus, but she also was covered over in fear, doubt and insecurities. Instead of taking her fears, doubts and insecurities to the Lord she took food and used it to comfort her and fill in the empty places.

Sue "dieted" her way to 280 pounds. At a point of desperation she reached out and found a 12-step program that helped her to deal with her addiction to food. She lost 110 pounds in 9 months and has kept it off for more than 13-years. 

Sue is willing to personally talk to any woman from CMW who fears she may have an addiction to food. For more information listen to the show ("listen" tab at the top - show is hunger and thirst for righteousness) and then email me at claire@christianmilitarywives.com  with your questions for her or indicate that you would like to talk with Sue personally.
 

I wanted to share something that hit me while in Church yesterday. One of the verses the Pastor quoted was Romans 8:28 " And we know that in all things God works for the good for those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV). He read that verse and then made the comment that not all things that happened to us would be good but that God would use them for good.
Wow!
Ok, so I basically tuned out for a few minuets after he said that ( sorry Pastor Brinker!) because I had to look a bit more closely at that verse. The KJV says this "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."
Now, the sermon yesterday was how pivotal circumstances could grow your faith and the Pastor used the death and resurrection of Lazarus as his example and he talked about how Lazarus died so that others would believe in God.
Again, WOW!!!
Now, this is one of those verses that you here Christians quote all the time, especially to other Christians who may be going through difficult times or questioning what God is doing in their lives. I myself have actually avoided quoting this verse to others or to myself because I felt like it was saying that good should always come to me just because I love God and we all know that just because we are saved by grace doesn't mean our lives are magically easy.
So, as I looked more closely at the words in this verse and thought about what Pastor Brinker said it just hit me- anything that happens in our lives, good, bad, or ugly, God can use it for good because we love Him.

• All things - This means the good that happens in our lives as well as the painful and the bad
• Work together for good - This means that God is going to use the things that happen in our lives for good; the good of growing your faith or the good of bringing others to Christ
• To them that love God - God does this because we love Him and we are called to His purpose which is to bring others to Christ

God didn't promise us an easy life when we decided to follow Him and in John 16:33 he says "....in this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." NIV

In Romans 5: 3-5 we see that we should "...rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." NIV

I now have a better understanding of this verse and will not think of it as the pat answer to a Christian suffering but as the reason that suffering happens, for God's good, for our good even though when your going through trials you don't see how there can be any good that can come out of it and yet this verse assures us that the things in our lives aren't just random happenings with no meaning or purpose and that makes me feel better.

But I still don't like the bad things!

FYI! From Armylive.dod I will be printing the full reoport and will write up an article about it in detail next week. 

**********

Impact of Multiple Deployments on Children

The new reality of repetitive deployments has led to innovative programs and policies designed to assist military children in dealing with the difficulties of deployments.  Initiatives—ranging from “flat daddies” replacing deployed soldiers at the dinner table, to senior leaders ceremoniously signing the Army Family Covenant at installations across the world, to the First Lady proposing nearly $9 billion to support military families—point to the growing concern that multiple deployments may be as stressful to Army children as they are to soldiers.  Despite the increased attention and seemingly endless resources directed at children in deployed families, however, there has been very little research examining the effects of multiple deployments on children.

In March of 2009, Leonard Wong and Stephen Gerras from the U.S. Army War College began a two-phase study to examine the effects of multiple deployments on Army adolescents.  The first phase, collected through an online survey, evaluated the perspectives of over 2,000 soldiers, 700 spouses, and 500 Army children between 11 and 17.  The second phase collected the views of over 100 Army adolescents through individual interviews at 8 Army installations throughout the U.S. 

As expected, they found that strong families—to include a non-deployed spouse who coped well with deployments—as well as ample activities such as sports to keep Army youngsters busy serve to reduce stress levels of Army adolescents during a deployment.  Surprisingly, they also found that the attitudes of Army children play a role in dealing with deployment stress and coping with a life of deployments.  Children who believed that soldiers are making a difference in the world and that the American public supported the war were significantly more likely to report that they were coping better with deployments.  The study highlights the often overlooked impact of attitudinal factors such as the influence of public opinion concerning the war and the importance—in a life marked by multiple deployments—of an adolescent’s confidence that their parent’s call to duty is worth the sacrifice.

For a free download of the full study, please visit the US Army War College Strategic Studies Institute website:http://www.strategicstudiesinstitute.army.mil/pubs/display.cfm?pubID=962. 

Get free, professional help and filing services at Military OneSource. Below is the information you need to start your tax filing claim today.

***************

Military OneSource Tax Filing Services

Military OneSource brings you H&R Block At Home® (formerly TaxCut) online tax filing through the Military OneSource Web site and telephonic tax consultations by calling our tax hotline at 1-800-730-3802. Prepare your 2009 state and federal taxes with this easy-to-use program. Provided by the Department of Defense, H&R Block At Home® is and free to active duty, National Guard, and Reserve service members and their families. Have questions? See our FAQs.

Tax consultants are available 7 days a week from 7 am – 11 pm ET by calling the Military OneSource Tax Hotline at 1-800-730-3802.

Please Note – You must use the link on the Military OneSource Web site to access our customized product and create your account. Do not go to the public H&R Block Web site to create a user account.

 

        Challenges for women come in many forms, especially when a spouse is deployed.  Sometimes they come in the form of illness – the children, you or even the pets can become ill and provide challenges for a spouse at home.  Sometimes, they come in the form of broken things – vehicles, appliances, toilets, the toy of a preschooler, the heart of a teenager or any other myriad of things can stop working as they were intended to function.  Sometimes those challenges can come in the form of little furry rodents called mice.

        When I first began to notice little holes in bags of food in my pantry, I wondered if I had picked up a damaged item at the commissary.  Then I noticed the little holes had jagged edges to them and the food inside the bags also had little jagged pieces missing.  Finally, I discovered little dark pellets around the pantry that let me know there were creatures having a party with my food every night and this time, they were not teenagers.  Mice!

        After cleaning and throwing away more food than I care to think about, I headed out to the store for some assistance.  I bought what looked to be fairly humane traps that would allow for the capture and disposal of mice without me ever having to touch or see them.  Carefully, I set the traps around, anxious to have my problems contained for easy disposal.  But the mice who had decided to party in my pantry apparently snickered behind their little whiskers at my vain attempts, and the traps remained undisturbed – unlike the food in my pantry.  I decided to replace the traps with packaged poison that was supposed to be very enticing to little rodents, but once again, my photo apparently ended up in the editorial section of “Mice Times” with the words “Who is she kidding?” under my picture.  My poison packages remained untouched, but I lost another bag of hot dog buns.  My father even gave me blocks of poison that had produced multiple dead rats around his bird feeders when he had a rodent problem, but every night the mice return to chew on the poison while none of them turn up dead, at least not in my house.  They just keep coming back for the party.

        So what is a woman to do?  I am so glad that you asked. 

        I honestly believe my mice are very symptomatic of so many other large and small challenges in my life and the lives of many women.  It really isn’t about the mice.  It rarely is about whatever challenge life may deal us at even given moment.  It is about my response.

        This is typical of my process when things in life are a struggle, though the order of events changes depending on where my heart is resting at the time.   I cry out to God, “Please deliver me!” I work very hard at finding my own answer.  I look to see God bring deliverance.  And here is the reality in my life – sometimes, deliverance from my challenge does not come. 

        So what does my response look like in those times?  What if my challenge continues, sometimes even increasing in difficulty?  Oh sweet sisters, I think so often God desires not to catch the mouse, but to calm the mouse catcher.  How often does my Father long for me not to know deliverance, but instead to know my Deliverer?  For in those days when I do not see deliverance from my challenge, I have an opportunity to know my Deliverer more deeply.  To seek His face.  To look for His strength.  To depend on His love. To be the place where I take refuge.

He is my loving God and my fortress,

My stronghold and my deliverer,

My shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.

Psalm 144:2 (NIV)

       

So what is your challenge today?  What are the mice in your pantry?  Do the heavens seem silent?  Are you weary in waiting for deliverance?  Stop.  Breathe deeply.  Know your Deliverer and take refuge in Him. 

  This week I finished a car seat cover for Sugar, this one is made out of 2 layers of flannel for cold days. ( Which we have plenty of...at this moment it is 1 degree outside) I will sew a summer version in the Springtime.
To make your own cover I recommend using one of the following tutorials:

Hippos and Dinosaurs

A Wednesday Afternoon

Make To Do

Have a blessed weekend!
Melanie

A Note From Give An Hour:

*Warning: Before reading this article, please remember these thoughts are only the thoughts of Patti Katter and her thoughts do not reflect the thoughts of every military wife in the world... just quite a few of them. ;)

It's so easy to look at the downside of deployment.  Deployments can be like a lemon.  The outside of a lemon is bitter and the inside is sour, not much good about that unless you use something to sweeten it up!

Dreading deployment is very common.  I've never met a woman or her military man that did not dread deployment. 

Quite a few wives have told me that weeks before deployment their husbands become distant to them.  A wall begins to form in their marriage.  Civilians may not understand, and if you are military and have not yet been through deployment you may not quite understand.... but the majority of our CMW members do understand due to multiple deployments, and they understand all too well.  

Not all marriages have difficult times before deployments, there may be that woman someplace in the world that is not effected.  I have yet to meet one.  If you are that woman, PLEASE let me know who you are - I would love to meet you! =-)

Pre-Deployment:
Just when you think husbands and wives would grow closer to one another, knowing that many months will go by until they see their loved ones again... something happens. Kah-Pow! The world spins out of control and one of three things happen.

1.  The words stop, your husband feels like its better to stop "being attached" to you - just "incase" something happens to him - you won't miss him as much.

2.  Arguing kicks in along with frustration.  Your husband may think, "if I am a big jerk to her... she will not be so sad if something happens to me."

3.  With the frustration your husband is going through, and his work-load he may not even realise he is releasing his frustrations out on you.

And do you know what? I think many wives go along with the first two scenarios.  As a wife, you may be afraid something horrible is going to happen to your husband at some point in the deployment.

I think it must be a built in defense mechanism our minds use to rationalise things.  I think its a wrong defense mechanism  though.  I know it's not Godly thinking at all... that's where it comes to play that we are all sinners - if we were all perfect we would not have sinful thoughts.

As a military wife, I understand how we "military wives" think.  We like to be in charge of things.  If you think about it, we are pretty much in charge of everything.  Paying bills, making sure the oil is changed in the car, grocery shopping, maybe holding an outside job, taking care of the kids and the list goes on.  The fact is, we are a take charge type of person.

We like to be in charge of our thoughts, our emotions and that includes the safe return of our husbands.  When being forced to really think about it, we cannot be in charge of our husbands safe return.  No one really can... and, that can be scary. 

We don't like to think about things, let along talk about these things.  I mean, what wife in her right mind would tell her husband that she's afraid he may not make it home?!   Not this wife.  I would never tell my husband such a thing, especially before he went off to fight the enemy.  It's an unspoken thought... it's scary and there's only one who we can really take it to and that is Jesus Christ.

God is there for us in all times.  When we are alone, when we are afraid... God is there.  God knows our thoughts and our hearts.  It's so easy to take the frustration of deployment out on our husbands, but that is just not fair to them.  Our husbands are brave, they are ensuring our freedom, they are doing their job.  Our husbands also have internal battles that makes it very difficult to talk about things before they leave for war. 

Your husband is married to you for a reason, he loves you.  I'm sure your husband has thoughts inside of his head that he feels like he cannot talk to you about, just as you have things you don't want to burden him with before he leaves.

Here are a few ways to keep your mind busy before your husband leaves for his deployment.  I find that keeping my head clear and keeping busy with productive projects are very helpful, and these tips will help sweeten up that lemon mentality.

1.  Write love notes, and hide them in your husbands luggage so when he gets where he is going... he will have quite a bit of literature to read. ;)

2.  Keep a prayer journal, I cannot stress this enough! When having your sour and sometimes bitter days - fill your prayer journal pages with prayers for your husband.

3.  Talk to other women in your area, find a Christian based support group.

4.  Talk to God, He's always there - He's your best friend.

5.  Be still, listen to the Lord speak to you... He will comfort you.

Don't let your sour, bitter thoughts get in the way of your relationship with Christ or your husband.  Don't let pre-deployment jitters get you down! You are armed with something that non-Christians do not have.  You have God on your side, "if God be for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Our actions fuel our husbands actions, if we can remain calm in Christ - and your husband can see that... it will make for a much better pre-deployment time on the homefront. 

I am lifting all of the wives up in prayer who have husbands that are getting ready to deploy.  May you allow the Lord to use this experience in your life to allow you to grow closer to Christ.  Please always remember you can go to the Prayer Warrior group and post prayer requests.  You can also always email me with any questions or comments you may have.

In Christ,
Patti Katter

My children and I have recently had the privilege & blessing of spending several weeks with my cousins-in-law. Throughout the last two weeks or so of our stay, our twelve-year-old cousin, Josh, and I sort of battled it out between surprise attack tickling/wrestling matches (initiated by Josh) and ice fights (presumably where he would daily put large pieces of ice down my back at the most unexpected and inopportune moments!)

So, I began planning my counter attack. I just let the wheels turn, and gave no sign of what I was thinking. Once I came up with a plan, however, I did give him a simple warning: “I’ll get you back; don’t worry. It’s coming, and it will be good, and it will be unexpected.” Daily, Josh would ask me countless times what I was up to. He would smugly remind me, “You still haven’t gotten me yet”, but as the days wore on, I could see him relax, thinking I’d forgotten all about my plan for revenge. Little did he know…

I set my alarm for VERY early on my last morning there. When it went off, I got up and began filling a large pitcher full of very cold ice water. Josh’s parents, Cam & Marilyn, and his sister, Jessie, all knew what was coming (I’d asked their permission to do this ahead of time), so they got up with me (Apparently, Josh is quite the prankster, so they wanted to see him put in his place as well, haha). We snuck quietly into Josh’s dark room, and I tiptoed over to his bed where he was sleeping so soundly, bundled up in his nice, warm, cozy blanket. Jessie had the camera rolling, and Cam was in charge of the lights, so I pulled back the covers slightly, careful not to pull them all the way off ~ we didn’t want him to wake up too soon ~ and whispered, “Turn on the light”… Suddenly, the room was lit up, bright and almost blinding, when I ripped the rest of the covers back and doused Josh in the icy water! He awoke startled and screaming, scared and shocked, unsure of what was happening. It took him a minute or two to calm down, as Marilyn sat on the dry corner of his bed quietly telling him, “Josh, it’s ok. It’s us. We’re here” as he sat there trembling with teary eyes as he began to realize what had happened.

I realized something myself this morning… This is often how Satan works in our lives. See, Satan does not know all things as God does, so he has to use other methods to get to us. He observes us and he learns what and where our weaknesses are, as well as our strengths. He studies us as intricately as necessary, in order to figure out the best way to get at us… the best way to trip us up, and when he figures that out, he keeps at it, mercilessly trying to succeed in hindering, and even stopping, our walk with God.

Sometimes, he (Satan) will lash out as Josh did. He will plan surprise attacks that can come out of the blue, sometimes knocking us down, other times, we are able to fend them off fairly easily. Sometimes, we see them coming, or even if we don’t see them or know exactly when they’re coming, we are alert because we do know they could happen at any moment, so we keep our guard up and say, “Get thee behind me Satan” (Mark 8:33).

Then, there are those times when we let our guard down. We either haven’t been attacked much lately, or we’ve had no problem fending off the attacks, so we gradually become complacent, even proud or smug, in a way, and we forget that, at any moment, an attack could come and if we aren’t ready for it, we could lose the battle.

Though Josh and I were just playing a game, it’s just like my strategic early morning attack on him. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten about him; instead, I was waiting for the right moment to “attack”. I had to wait until he was not on guard, and would not be able to do any change-ups on me, possibly deterring my plan of action.

Satan does that same thing. Sometimes, he will step back, he will sit, and wait, and watch, allowing us to “recover”, thinking that we have “finally succeeded” in fending him off for good; he lets us think that we are so good that he couldn’t possibly get one over on us. He leaves things alone, allowing us to not only enjoy, but get used to, how good (by our standards) things are. He gives us just enough time to “forget” (or at least, put on the back burner) all of those little attacks from before… And as he waits, he is planning something major; something that will hopefully (in his eyes) shake us to our core. He will choose just the right moment, when we are complacent, unexpecting, and as unprepared as possible, and he will attack, without warning, without concern, without mercy. He will do whatever he can to leave us shaken, feeling helpless and unprotected, scared and alone.

But in those times, God is there. Even when we fall under attack, God is right there beside us. He knew ahead of time what was coming, even when we did not. In fact, just as I went to Cam and Marilyn for permission before launching my surprise attack on Josh, Satan must go to God for permission before he can do anything to us (i.e. Job 1). God “will never leave you or forsake you” (Hebrews  13:5), and just as Marilyn sat by Josh on his icy, wet bedside, God is by our side saying, “It’s ok, I’m right here.” It’s just a matter of listening to Him. You see, when those attacks come, we have a choice to make: we can either get caught up in the moment of the battle, and find ourselves lost in the minefield Satan has set before us, OR… we can choose to keep our eyes on Jesus. We can choose to “be still, and know that [He is] God” (Psalm 46:10). When the battle is raging around us, and we are disoriented, unsure of what to do, not knowing what is coming, or even, at times, what is happening all around us, and we feel completely shaken to our core, we can focus on that “still small voice” (I Kings 19:11-13). You see, as the battles ~ the winds and the rains, the earthquakes and fires ~ rage around us in our lives, God is there. He is not in those things, but He is in us, His children, and if we listen with our hearts, we will hear his “still small voice”, reminding us that “it’s ok” because He is there, and we are His.

I believe that many times, God allows Satan to attack us in our lives in order to bring us closer to Him (God). Sometimes, we get so caught up in everything else, that we forget about His “still small voice”, just as Josh didn’t hear my whisper in his room, and we tune it out… When we stop listening to God in the small ways, He uses/allows bigger things to get our attention. It’s like the refiner’s fire: sometimes, we have to go through the fire to burn away all that extra “stuff” that builds up, gradually blocking our view of God, separating us from Him, and His hand in our lives. In order to get rid of all the junk, all the little things that we hold on to that keep us from seeing Him and hinder us from walking with Him regularly, He has to allow it to be burned away. It’s not always easy or fun or pleasant; sometimes, it’s shocking, and painful, and hard. But in the end, it’s what is best for us because it puts us in our place ~ in the place and the condition that God wants us to be in.

So, the next time you find yourself under attack – expected or not – keep your focus on God. Remember that He will only allow these attacks if there is a good purpose for it. James 4:8 says, “Draw close to God and He will draw close to you”… take heed of that and draw yourself close to Christ Jesus, the King of Glory (Colossians), and let Him strengthen your faith. Let Him lead you to victory. Don’t forget that the war is already won; we are just making our way back across the battlefield, and Satan is there, throwing fits of anger and fury, refusing to accept The Truth.

But, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test,

he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him"... ~

James 1:12. I'm praying tonight for God's strength in overcoming the trials and

temptations that seem to crowd their way into our daily lives. May we choose to trust in

and rely on Him, Christ Jesus, the King of Glory, for He will see us through. He is there,

right beside us, just waiting for us to acknowledge Him and let Him lead us to victory.